call me crazy

“Twenty minutes. I’m sure. Hey hey, I don’t. Andy got a beer spilled all over him if you remember and the line’s crazy, trust me, I’ve tried–.. [..] Alright. Of course. Wait, let me. [..] Thanks man, you can keep the rest. [..] You too, have a good night. [..] The guy also couldn’t stop looking ever since you came over, so I have a feeling it was not only the pushing. He’s definitely told me his name at one point but I don’t remember. He’s Tinder Guy. Longest my dad’s been seeing anyone in a while, so I’d say it’s going well. Didn’t meet him yet though, hence why I’m a little curious. What about your parents? Are they here? Just so I know whether I should be on the lookout there too.”

“ Oh, of course! It’s just because I’m a girl and bartenders are sexist. Just admit you were being way too nice once again. [..] Don’t worry, I love it. Thanks for paying. I’ll get the next round. How you feeling, by the way? How’s that beer? Not too hungover? You don’t remember his name! Charlie. You’re saying yourself, it’s the longest your dad has been seeing someone! Should we go find them? Do you wanna meet him? I’ll come with you. I’m kind of curious now too. [..] Or.. do you want a cigarette first? You’re doing the.. the hand thing that you do when you want a cigarette. And then we go find them? Oh, no, I doubt they’ll come by. So you’re clear. For.. whatever was insinuated. ”

“Wish I was. And actually, you’ve been gone for at least twenty minutes. No way it’s only been ten. That really is gross. Good thing it was only pee, though. He still has my lighter, the nitwit. The seagulls. Don’t think I’ve ever seen creatures with more aggression and willpower before. Yeah, that’s true, though. Nothing really ever does happen here, so that only makes sense. Even my Dad’s here with his Tinder guy. Gotta be on the lookout.“

“ It was not twenty minutes! Was it twenty minutes? I did stop to chat with Sarah for a minute I guess.. Her boyfriend moved to Canada. Yeah. Troubling stuff. Twenty minutes, though? And you still haven’t ordered? What, are you letting absolutely everyone go in front of you? Wait. Excuse me! Yeah, excuse me! Hi, yeah, it’s a little crazy here tonight, totally understand. Could we get an IPA and.. what do you want, a beer? An IPA and a beer for now please. Yep. Oh, ID yeah, hold on.. Here.  [..] September 4th, 1999. Yep. [..] Thanks! See, just gotta push for it a little bit. No! Are they really? That’s so cute. So that’s going well and he’s still just ‘Tinder guy’? Have you like properly met him? ”

“Hey, you. Don’t worry, you didn’t miss much. Although, that’s not entirely true. There was this dude in the queue in front of us and he threw his beer all over Andy by accident. It was.. a bit of a laugh. He’s on his way home to get changed, but he shouldn’t be too long. Trevor’s with him. Everything went well with you, then? Where’s Lucas now? Ah, and no. You’re in luck. Wasn’t our turn yet. You’re right, whole of Clarendon Hills showed up tonight.”

“ No! Are you kidding? Poor Andy. Of course that happens in the three minutes that I’m gone having a pee. Well.. more like 10 minutes I’m guessing. Man, that line. While you guys are lucky on that front, I have to say it’s a lot more gross. I think I stepped in pee. Twice. Other than that my pee went amazing, thank you for asking! Uhh.. I’m not exactly sure, to be honest. He got lost somewhere on the way. Probably dipped to go smoke somewhere with Benji if I had to guess, though. Yeah, for real! It’s almost like barely anything ever happens here, so when it does everyone flocks to it like.. like those damn seagulls to our fries in LA! Man, those birds. ”

“ Hi! I’m back. Sorry! Sorry. Dude, there was such a long line in front of the ladies’ room! I feel like everyone and their mother is here tonight, it’s getting crowded. Good for the bands. I ended up going in the gents’, though. Don’t you worry, I was being respectful and Lucas checked for me to make sure I wasn’t gonna walk in on anything. Did you order yet? I changed my mind, I think I’ll go with an IPA after all. ”

–––  s p o t i f y

              You are listening on

“Course I do, don’t act so surprised. In that case, I hope I’ve made where I stand a little clearer now. There shouldn’t be any confusion.”

“ Nearly none. ”

“I’m glad. Would’ve been a bit embarrassing for me if you said no because I already told the boys we’ll be going together. Know what, I’ll think about the wrist corset. Yes to the semi-cringey stairs photos and mirror selfies, though. Impossible to get around that anyway.”

“ Aw, you talk to your friends about me? Seems like you were just very confident in what my answer would be, which.. to be fair, I think I’ve not been making it super hard for you to know where I stand. Unlike you. But this helps. Yes. Yes, mirror selfies will be a must. I’m even more excited to see you looking all dashing in a suit now because we’ll look so good together. ”

“That’s what I’m doing, yeah. We may still have to talk about the cringey photos on the stairs, but, yeah. The whole agenda. Do you want to go to Homecoming with me?”

“ I would’ve asked myself if you hadn’t. Yeah! Yeah, I wanna go to Homecoming with you. Of course. And do the whole agenda. Are you getting me a wrist corset? Because they’re totally ridiculous and outdated, so please don’t. But it would be kind of cute. And take a semi-cringey photo maybe in front of the stairs. As a compromise. I’m good with mirror selfies otherwise. ”

“Thank God purple was never a colour I considered. You also won’t see me in polkadots. That’d be laying it on a little too thick. What are you saying about white? Yeah? Did he end up finding a fit? Tammi, right? Should do that, you know. So you have a dress for when I’m picking you up for Homecoming. If you don’t already have a date, that is.”

“ Wait. Are you asking me to be your Homecoming date? Like, totally unofficially officially? You’ll pick me up and let my dad take cringey photos of us on the stairs? ”

“Now shots is a thing I’ll always say yes to. Think the last time was in Vegas. Which, definitely is a long time ago but we also know how that ended. And you will. I’ll tell you more about it tomorrow, yeah? Remind me or I’ll forget. Not yet. A suit, I reckon, but I agreed to going into the city with the boys next week. Do you?”

“ A suit he says. Well, I was thinking that much! I’m more wondering are you gonna go all out or have a color theme or something? Green, blue, purple, polkadots? Don’t wear purple, that’s the color of sexual frustration and I’d take that personally. Polkadots would be cute, though! A little shopping date with the boysss. That’s nice. My brother did that too with his two best friends the other day and they were all excited. That just wasn’t a boys trip, he had the ladies’ opinions. One of them is Benji’s sister actually. But no, I’m also still working on it. I might go with my mom next week. ”

“It’s quite fitting, I’ll give that to you. Now you’re putting words in my mouth. Wasn’t thinking any of that. I may not understand it, but I also don’t have to. Well, hot not. He had a boyfriend back in the day. Was friends with my cousin and now they’re something like archenemies. He was less closed off. Don’t know, but it also doesn’t matter right now I guess. You still got something to drink?”

“ Okay. Okay, I get it, Mr. Obvious, you’re such a Cancer man and you’re bored of tea. Let’s get you something else to drink then. Shots? Shots, baby. I think we haven’t done shots in a while and you’re practically throwing this party now that Andy’s asleep. But I’ll still wanna hear about this in more detail. He’s my girl’s boy and I feel like I know nothing about the guy. But now, come on. I also haven’t seen Nance in a while.. so let’s keep an eye out for chaos. Hey, do you know what you’re wearing for homecoming yet? ”

“Asexual angels. That’s a string of words I’d never thought I’d hear in a sentence. Toby’s a mystery. Don’t know what’s going on inside his head. I also sort of knew him before transferring. He was quite a different character back then.”

“ Isn’t that kind of the vibe you get here? They’re angels, that much is for sure. And a little prude. Or like, whatever. I’m just saying aloud what you’re thinking. Oh really, you did? Different how? ”

“I’d sleep like that with another girl and it’d be… Alright. Know what. Right. You’re right. I wouldn’t. It’s still Andy and Chelsea we’re talking about here, though. They’re not us, thankfully. Unless you know something you haven’t told me about.”

“ See. Very glad you didn’t finish that sentence, personally. Well, yeah.. I know they like to pretend they’re complete asexual little angels but doesn’t reality always look a little different? I know nothing more than what I see, which is, to be honest, a lot. I’m just thinking, like, if I was in Toby’s shoes, how none of that would sit right with me. But then that’s a whole other kind of weird, so. ”

“Or you’re simply projecting yourself onto them a little too much. I know my boy Andy. He’s not a homewrecker and if he was gay, my dad would’ve told me. He’s got the ‘gaydar’. Don’t ask me. He’s quite proud of it.”

“ Right, okay. If you say so. He’s just.. so.. you know? Like, I wouldn’t be surprised, let’s put it that way. Also I’m not projecting! Come on. Tell me you’d sleep like that with another girl and it’d be completely platonic and innocent.. No, honestly.. tell me. I dare you, bubs. ”

“ Have we done the deed? As in have we had sex? Personal, first of all. Yes, second of all. I thought everyone already kind of knew that anyway. ”