Worthless

Again. I lay awake. Wondering. Hoping that I could just stop. Stop thinking

I feel really broken 12/22/17

My heart hurts a lot 12/22/17

You know who you are

Im drunk and I cut a lot

It hurts deep into my soul, I feel like I can't breath I hyperventilate until I throw up and pass out the pain runs so deep and so harsh and then you touch me and just like that it's gone

And then I relapsed, the blood flowed into the bath tub and the numb feeling came back and for a second the pain was gone I felt numb, empty

I was wrong to think that it would work, why would it you have her you have everything I just keep getting in the way everytime. I fuck everything up. Im a liar. I manipulate everyone ovbiously. So im gonna go away forever maybe I almost did it lastnight i was out at the train tracks waiting but I didn't do it. Why? Because I thought of you and even though ill never be anything to you I stopped. I shouldn't have I should have done it then you could he happy with her like I know you should and want to be, I have no right to be jealous but I am, they way you're always looking at those texts, the way you jump for your phone when it goes off. It crushes me a little bit more ever time but I brush it off because I'm the okay one I'm not allowed to be upset I'm supposed to be there for you when you are. There isn't anyone to pick me up when I fall apart so when I do I scrape together the few pieces that are left and hold on to them because next time, oh next time there won't be anything left.

Im nothing literally I'll always be nothing I thought for a second that maybe

It's pretty bad, probably need stiches I literally taped myself back together lol

I feel like shit, that is all 11/4/17