Breathe

I’ve also been bogged down by so much negative energy recently. I always tell people that the last thing you want is to be so stressed out that you start disliking the things that you love. I dance so much and so intensely, but somehow I feel like I’m at the stage where it’s becoming less enjoyable and more stressful than anything else. The worse part is all these is unnecessary because I take things harder and more seriously than I should be. Atm, I just want to take classes, not participate in any admin shit, not put myself under the stress of having to “live up” to other people’s standards. It’s not that I feel dance shouldn’t push you, but it should push you to improve, not push you to try to be someone even you don’t like yourself.

All these in my own “scholar bubble” as what everyone says??

Seeing my flat mates get 5 figure monthly salary for their internships also makes me rethink (again). Why do I get so affected by possibly not earning enough? (Enough as in not economically enough to sustain, but enough for me to be happy, whatever that means). Is liking what you do as important as I believed it to be? How much will I value “money” in the future? At the end of everything, will our “resume” be v much different and will this mean anything at all? Will I regret my choices and will I be happy with who I become, the friends I make, the life I led? What even happens at the end???