Unknown by the wise. Murdered by the foolish.

I forgive myself

And that is enough.

That is the part that matters.

That is the part that carries.

I forgive myself for not knowing sooner, and I forgive myself for dancing with your ghost long after you’d left it to haunt me. I forgive myself for giving you everything, knowing it changed nothing. I forgive myself for all the things I abandoned just because they had your name on them, and for all of the love I turned away waiting for the day yours might come back.

I forgive myself for the music I let you ruin, and the beautiful winter you made so much colder, I forgive myself for everything you knew and ignored to make yourself feel bigger, and all the things I knew and ignored so I could feel loved.

I forgive myself for this empty room and decrepit table that I’ve sat at for so long, just to sit with the haunting of a man I no longer recognize. The nights I spent writing, crying, longing. And the home I built right where you left me, incase you found your way home someday, only to find no lights on.

I forgive myself so that I can do better, so I can be better, so that I do not have to forgive you.