a hell of a storyteller

I’m still in love. I’m still far away from them but I still have this love. 

Like she definitely had some big problems but like....... damn????? Was it really that obvious that things were not great and did it really seem that bad?????

The funny thing about me breaking up w who I was dating is how many people I’ve told have responded with some variation of “good for you” or “I’m proud of you” etc etc

So I went to the gyno and she felt the lump and said it’s probably normal but to keep an eye on it for the next six months. She also referred me to a genetic counselor and advised that I get tested for the BCRA genes ASAP so that’s.... a lil stressful

So I need to say this somewhere or I’m gonna explode. I just booked a doctors appointment because I found a lump in my breast and I really hope I’m just being paranoid. One of my cousins was diagnosed with breasted cancer just a few weeks ago and had to have a double mastectomy yesterday. She’s 30 and in med school. I really fucking hope it’s just this on my mind and not anything else.

Cw: ED/weight loss I have literally dropped like 15 pounds in the last three weeks from the amazing depression, anxiety and nausea from this ending of relationship thing lol.

Update: it’s been a few hours and I’m still devastatingly sad. But sometimes I’m also mad because I cannot believe this shit.

I am devastatingly sad

It’s over. Less than an hour ago I ended it.

I didn’t know it was possible to miss a pair of hands so badly. There are so many pictures on my phone of your hands and I see them and crave them on me. I want your hands to meet the hollow of mine. I want your hands resting on my chest, arm hooked around my waist. I want your hands on my sex, using my clit as your toy, manipulating me to moan and sing your praises. I want your hand on my back, while I lay on your chest, and you promise everything will be okay. I want your hand in mind. My skin is craving it like I’m being punished.