There's nothing pretty about this. You know, I don't even know what you'd call "this." What can you say about a guy that's got everything and still feels like taking a flying leap off the nearest building? That's what people think, anyway. That everything part. Can't say they're all wrong. I have a lot of things. A lot of things I've always wanted but couldn't get. Matsutake mushrooms, some white truffles, Hell, I even have half of that Iberico ham I opened up two weeks ago. It lasts a month, so it's still good.
Hey, you know what's been coming back to me lately? Haven't you ever seen some kid calling their mom or dad by their name? Makes you immediately think it's them, right? Who's this kid? Al Capone? Funny thing about it is I was that kid. For the record, I wasn't going through some rebel phase. I didn't have a prayer of turning into Butch Cassidy, all right? That wasn't ever me. I know it doesn't matter, now. That's not what I'm saying. It just stays with a guy when your mom tells you 'look, stop with all that mom crap. It's Bonnie. It's always Bonnie. Got it?' She wasn't all rainbows and butterflies is what I'm getting at. We weren't what you'd call close.
Toby was about the same. That's my dad, by the way, in case this whole first name only thing wasn't catching on. Between the two of them, he was funner to hang out with. As a kid, at least. He gave me my first Walkman. (Think of what would happen if the iPod had been made by MacGyver instead of Steve Jobs.) I got older, and he got less fun. Or he always was that way. What did I know? What's weird for a ten year-old to sleep at the Beverly Hills hotel with free access to room service instead of his place? It was only when he had, you know, company. I had no complaints.
By the time I made it to college, all I knew was I wasn't going to be like them. That's normal. No one wants to become their parents. It's about learning from their mistakes or something like that. Look, psychology wasn't my deal. I'm taking a wild guess here, but it sounds solid.
Can't say I broke the promise. Never did become like either one of them.
But you know something? I got close to the important parts. The whole... parent thing.
All right, there are some bright spots out there. Somewhere up there you noticed some kids mentioned. Yeah, that's them. They're not my kids, but when it's time for lights out, I'm hoping they get what I was trying to put down.
Nothing puts a bandaid on a shot to the gut, but they came close. Closer than anything. Sometimes it almost felt like it wasn't there.
Then there'd be your station on the radio. Someone would talk like they were from the Bronx and I could feel you get that twitch in your eye. You should have seen me in your office when I signed up. Don't laugh, but the door opened and I thought it'd be you giving me Hell.
I don't know if they'd get it, but you better believe I'd give anything to hear you yell at me.
So, that’s the gist. It's not that they weren't enough to make me stay. It's that this has all been on borrowed time from the jump. It’s bound to happen someday.
But not today. Some anniversary present that’d be. Getting me back. If you’d have me back. If I could make the cut up there, too. That part.