if the sun refused to shine, i would still be loving you

✿

michael couldn’t even look at damien without feeling horrible and, at the same time, he also couldn’t look away. it was his choice to leave, but it felt like the only thing to do at the time. it wasn’t an elaborate plan or a feeling that had been building up over time, it was a panicked rash decision that his cloudy judgment convinced michael of making. he packed his bags in a rush, well aware that whatever he forgot, he couldn’t come back to retrieve, he left a note, and vanished. he knew damien could find him if he really wanted to—he had the resources. and he was definitely hoping that he would. in hindsight, he shouldn’t have written the note on a napkin that the maid could toss, or that any draft could send flying behind a counter never to be seen again. michael didn’t know damien had never read it, but it wasn’t like that piece of paper would’ve provided the older man with too many answers, anyway.

sorry for leaving like this,  but i can’t do goodbyes with you yours forever, michael xx

“i can drive if i bandage it. it won’t hold up and i do need stitches but it’ll do til i get to the hospital. or to work.” just because the very sight of damien had sent him into a frenzy, caused him a medical emergency, and was currently making him so nauseous he felt like he was about to throw up in damien’s italian leather shoes didn’t mean he couldn’t take care of himself. he always had, after all, except for that brief period of time he’d let damien do it for him. “i’ll have you know my boss is a very good vet. 2017 vet of the year award, in fact.” he pauses. he doesn’t know what he’s gonna do yet, but he’ll think better when damien’s gone… maybe. so he starts walking to his car, hoping that’ll push the older man away. “well, it was nice to see you!” he calls out before he fumbles with his keys. god, his left hand is so fucking useless, he’s come to learn.

★

“yeah, and what’re you gonna bandage it with? a dirty napkin you got tucked away? your shirt? not exactly the safest or the cleanest. and as someone who works in the medical profession, you should know that.” damien said in a matter of fact tone of voice. ever since he’d gotten to know michael, the older man had wanted to take care of him, save him even when michael didn’t want saving. “oh wow, only 2017? it’s 2021 now, michael.” he said and sighed softly. then michael decided that he didn’t want to be here anymore and damien rolled his eyes as the man walked away and called out the way he did. damien was about to go inside until he saw the way that the man was struggling with his keys to even get his car open. so of course, he walked over, grabbed the keys from the man and says, “let me take you before you end up killing yourself or someone else.”

♡

honestly, michael always knew the rules to the game he was playing with damien. he understood them, he accepted them. in practice, however, things were a lot different than they were on paper. michael was soft and affectionate, damien was a dreamboat who cared for him, and went above and beyond for him. he couldn’t help his feelings, they just blossomed over time. as he leans against the wall, trying to collect his thoughts, himself, and what little was left of his dignity, he’s surprised that damien followed him outside. michael just stared at their feet as the other spoke. his voice was smooth, and although he was speaking calmly, michael could feel the sternness, the intent behind his tone. it meant do as i say. they were both familiar with it, specially given how much michael enjoyed being a nuisance and pushing the older man’s buttons. and earning himself punishments—the fun kind. “i know,” he said softly, still looking at the ground. he didn’t want to look at him, but at the same time, he was dying to. so he did.

looking at him brought a lot back for him. it was almost overwhelming to get all the flashbacks of them together at once. he’d missed him, truly. if he’d had a choice, he wouldn’t have left. he looked at his hand, assessing his wound for the first time. he hadn’t even had time to feel it, and it hadn’t hurt until he took a peek. “i’m not gonna let it get infected, i just need to get to work and then i can clean it up,” he said. “it’s not a long drive, i’ll be fine.” he knew he shouldn’t, and more than likely, couldn’t drive with his hand like this. he needed stitches, so the injury wouldn’t stop bleeding until he had it treated. 

★

damien knew that the two of them weren’t destined to last forever; damien had far too many things going on in his life, he had far too many extra boys that he rang up when he was out of the country, and he knew michael wasn’t the biggest fan of it. but the two of them made an agreement, this was simply business. there were no feelings to be made, there was no falling in love and living that fairytale dream that so many people died to have. but the older man couldn’t lie to himself - or anyone really - that it hurt him when michael just up and ghosted him. without a word, without a single call or text to let damien know he was alright. damien wasn’t sure if michael was dead or alive, but he supposed the man wasn’t his problem anymore. but his curiosity still struck here and there. if he was okay, if he was alive. he wondered if he was alive what he was up to, if he ever fell through with his school career and started working with animals like he had wanted to and studied for for years. 

“yeah? and how’re you gonna drive with a bloody hand? you gotta keep pressure on it and you can’t do that if you got one hand on the wheel and one in your lap, i’m just sayin’.” damien said and shrugged his shoulders some. “you need to be taken to emergency care, let them get it handled and stitched up right. i’m assuming work is at a vet’s office, and you need a doctor that patches up humans, not pooches.”

michael was probably keeping all restaurants in the area in business all by himself. he was a big fan of takeout, usually ordering copious amounts so that he could have the leftovers for breakfast. however, when he had nothing in the fridge that he could pop in the microwave for one minute, you’d catch him at 9 to 5, bright and early in the morning so he could eat before starting his shift. he’s enjoying his meat lover’s omelette and his coffee, and all of the sudden he hears a familiar voice. at first, he’s sure he’s imagined it, because it can’t be, but he can’t resist making sure. he turns his head slowly, and out of the corner of his eye… there he is.

he shuts his eyes. he tries to wake up. he’s certain it’s a bad dream, because he can’t possibly be seeing what he thinks he’s seeing. yet, when he opens his eyes again, he’s still sitting in front of his plate, and he’s still hearing that voice. he’s not sure what he’s feeling, but one way to describe it is panic. he gets up, somehow managing to knock a glass of juice off the next table, and cutting his hand on it. the waitress gasps and tries to aid michael, but he just makes his way out through the back door that leads to the parking lot. he leans against the table and tries to breathe, wiping his hand on his scrubs. fuck. he needs to stop shaking so he can drive to work.

★

damien had given up looking for michael the moment the man decided that he didn’t want anything else to do with him. damien had always put it out there that this was just an agreement, there was no falling in love, living all happily ever after like they did in pretty woman. and he thought michael didn’t have a problem with it, which is why when they were out sometimes damien would flirt with other men and get a sense of how they were because after all, spoiling guys and girls seemed to be his passion in life. so the last place that damien ever expected michael to be in was in maine, especially out in these parts. but as he heard the scene unfolding and saw the guy rushing out he spotted who it was and his heart nearly sank to his feet. “excuse me.” he said, pardoning himself from his table as he made his way outside. as he walked outside and spotted the man, damien said, “it’s gonna get gross and infected if you don’t properly take care of that cut.” in his soft yet firm tone that he just seemed to wear so well. this was the first time he’d seen michael in a year or more, and all of those memories of the two of them were flooding his mind as he looked at him. 

10. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?

i once had sex on a plane in the bathroom. not weird, but certainly one of the most uncomfortable spots to fuck.

11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex?

outdoor sex, i got more room to move around.

21. Do you like rough sex or intimate sex better?