What Controls Your Mind, Consumes Your Life.

One drink down, two blunts lit, three pills in & I’m just getting started. Remember how we started? We were so innocent. I never imagined that kisses on the cheek would lead to candle lit rooms, with lace draping from my skin against yours & us playing in the sheets. Our love was sweet, our sex was raw, it was the right kind of wrong, so we made way too much of it- but somehow, there was never enough of it. Our love was a sin, all seven of them; I craved you- I needed you more than I should have, so every time you came back, I was greedy with you, I always needed more. You poured your black soul into a glass & I drank until I was sick & staying was the only thing that made sense. I laid in bed for days when you left, I didn’t move, I couldn’t. I went from sad & broken to ‘I fucking hate you’, I came to your house determined to show you why storms were named after people like us. People with blood shot eyes & enough hurt behind our words to bring homes crashing down. But I didn’t, instead I went home & got drunk on envy because you’re wrapped up in legs & sheets that don’t belong to me. So many apologies went unsaid, I wanted to make it right but what we had is dead & my pride wouldn’t let me be that weak. So I got high instead.

These bruised knees aren’t from praying.

“I’m still trying to figure it all out.” “Figure what out?” “Everything. Me. You. Us. Global warming. Life itself.” She laughs quietly. “You can’t possibly figure all that out by yourself.” “You over looked my point.” She rolls her eyes. He just looks at her confused. She sighs. “I’m trying to figure me out. I’m trying to figure out how you play into my life. I want to know why being with you was the only thing I ever understood.”

Do not protect my feelings if I ask your opinion: I’m asking because I’m unsure; I’m asking because I know something’s wrong. Tell me the truth. Be brutal. Help me.

Book of the day: All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

Book of the day: All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

I am taking all my petals back. I am not your flower. You cannot pluck away at me until you figure out if she loves you or loves you not.