chill pill

the plot twist wedding im waiting for this year, my invite finally came through *hoorah*

i was recalling a while ago how you entered my office saying ‘pwede ba ko magtanong?’

thought it was a trivial question about work, but when i looked up to see you i immediately knew it was something much heavier - that you needed a serious talk.

2nd of 4 (or maybe 5) weddings for this year

one of those quaint garden weddings - young ladies in their floral frocks and the men in their crisp linen suits

glad to be here, happy tears this time

He drove 4hrs just so he can cook for me. Why 🫠 When i walked into his apartment everything was laid out and prepped, he was waiting for me so he can show me how to do it by myself. Obviously implying that I need to learn how to cook.

Audioslave, Smashing Pumpkins, Goldfinger - we hummed through the lyrics while he cooked and while I prepped my sangria. This felt weird cause im used to being unfamiliar with the songs of other people’s playlist. He then asked Siri to pause it, turned to me and asked if there’s anything I want to play. That’s a first. I felt bad for myself for finding the gesture overwhelming. I remembered my previous partner going inside my car (my spotify was connected to the head unit) him disconnecting my phone just so he can connect and play his music. Honestly, I didn’t mind then, but now it made me realize how unconsidered I was even on the smallest things.

driving to your funeral felt overwhelming i kept crying the whole time, tears welled up i can barely see the road, the back of my car feels heavy with your flowers in it.

there were moments i wanted to stop driving, i didn’t trust myself to keep going. i just kept wishing someone was there with me, someone who could take the wheel because i didn’t feel okay.

why’d you have to go like that?

grieving because you are gone, grateful because you were once here.

music, sea, sunburns and heartbreak - what a weekend came for the waves, ended the night with people from the scene. ibarra actually sang their single from 20 yrs ago. full circle moment when i realized this crowd was what got me through my teenage angst - and here we all are two decades later, baguio folks for a gig in elyu *nostalgia right in the feels* woke up with a hangover, pushed myself to see the vessel, had another glass of pilsen and settled for a view of the ocean for brunch drove home with a happy soul, quick power nap before my appointment, and ofc sundays aint complete without worship and church later found out a close couple i know broke up from 17yrs of being together.. i cried with her also realized i’ll be driving solo to elyu from now, just another thing to embrace from a future that changed