Hotwife/Stag

I came into the room and crawled into bed and asked, still in disbelief, “so none of it was true.”

“No babe. But maybe one day it will be. I’m starting to get into this. And I guess you’re definitely into it.” She said as she kissed me and turned out the light.

I get private messages quite often asking for advice on how to get their wives to cuckold them, how to approach the topic, and what it was like dealing with the emotions of the first time.

My advice is usually pretty straightforward:

1. Don’t push her into doing anything. You’ll shut her down and it’s unfair to her because if she doesn’t enjoy the idea and execution of it, you’re being selfish.

2. It’s not about YOU. It may start out as your fantasy and kink… but the moment your wife starts role playing it and you begin to figure out what she likes about it and what turns her on, it’s about her as much as you.

3. When actually partaking in the lifestyle, start slow. Again, don’t force anything, this is where you really need to get your ego out of the way. We started with her flirting with guys, dancing with them, making out with them on the dance floor. We started my humiliation with her telling me to ask guys for their phone numbers for her.

Our first time with her fucking in front of me was one of the most amazing days of my life but unbelievably difficult. It does not pan out like when you’re jerking off to a caption or video… your wife, unless she’s a complete psycho, won’t jump on his dick and be flicking you off while riding it, immediately. Women are pensive and thoughtful. My wife was extremely turned on at each step in her journey and I waited for her to say, “This is the one,” before we agreed to have her fuck in front of me.

The lucky bastard was a college student, 22 years old, and really good looking. He was in incredible shape although his muscles were not massive, just ripped. He was about 6’2” and had short dark brown hair. Cocky son of a bitch. (You’ll find that most guys that want to fuck a hotwife in front of her husband are quite arrogant and think it’s hilarious)

She’d met him at a bar in town and I’d gotten his number for her. They had been texting and he had sent a few pics of his nice cock, by her request, and she had gotten extremely turned on by him. I’d eaten her out while she sexted him (I highly recommend this) and after about a week she told me of that she started to feel comfortable with him. We were lying in bed, I wasn’t caged at this point by the way, and she was texting him. She started playing with my cock while she still had the phone in her hand.

I remember it like it was this morning… she got me hard and kept dropping my cock to use both hands to text him back. I couldn’t help but wonder if she were teasing the hell out of me on purpose or by accident. She then rolled toward me and was biting her lip. She started stroking me slowly and said, “Baby?” I looked at her and didn’t even say anything and she bashfully continued, “I think he’s the one.” I got even more rock hard. She kept stroking slowly and I said, “Seriously? Him?” She nodded and then leaned into my ear and whispered, “He already said he’s good with you watching.” I almost exploded.

She started going faster and faster and she said, “Is that a yes?!” I told her it was whatever she wanted. She chuckled and said, “… that’s right…” she kept stroking for about ten more seconds and I shot everywhere. She couldn’t believe how much I had cum. Usually when we’re done she knows my mood dies and she doesn’t say anything. She said, “He asked about Friday night. Said we could do it here (we were in an apartment).” That was only two days away but I wouldn’t dare try to act hesitant. She set it up and was so gleeful and nervous it made me so happy.

When the day came we went to the store and got condoms for them. We got to the checkout and she handed the “Magnum” condoms to the clerk and the clerk looked at them and said, “Alrighty… that it?” She looked me once over. My wife noticed her checking me out after the magnum purchase and she said, “Oh, those aren’t for him. Haha.” The clerk was obviously uncomfortable and just smiled and gave a light, confused chuckle. I was bright red.

We got back to the house and she spent the next hour trying to figure out what she should wear. She kept saying, “Can you believe this is actually happening?!” She kept her pussy shaven at that point but freshened it up for her new lover anyways. She ended up wearing a lacy red thong with the matching bra. Drop. Dead. Sexy. She then put on a short little black dress and black heels. She got ready and then we realized that we still had like an hour and a half until he got there.

My gut was churning. I was more nervous than I’d been in my entire life. She was so nervous too that neither of us had really eaten lunch that day and now it was 5 PM. Still 30 minutes until he arrived. He was coming straight from work. He actually had a good job. Was pretty important I guess. I told her we should have a little wine to relax a little. She declined at first but then decided it would be a good idea.

We talked about how this had potential to be awkward and we went over the “what if’s?” How much was I going to be involved? Would we direct him to do stuff? Would he direct us to do stuff? We talked about lines we wouldn’t cross and such. All in all, we decided to just see what happens. Obviously we wouldn’t let any pics or videos be taken but everything else we’d just deal with.

Finally, we got a call from the gate to let someone into the complex. Both of our hearts leapt and my stomach sank as she hit the number to let him in. I looked at my watch and he was 15 minutes early. I thought, I guess I would be too if I were coming for this pussy… My wife came over and sat on my lap and looked me right in the face and said, “You ready for this?!” I nodded and said, “I’m so nervous… but yes.” She laughed and pointed to my crotch before saying, “No touching until I say so.”

He then knocked on the door. She said, “I love you,” and hopped off of me. She opened the door and when I heard the voice of the man that was there to fuck my wife I remember feeling like I would vomit. My stomach was on overdrive, heart absolutely pounding. She walked over and when they came into view I saw her holding a six pack of Corona that he had brought. She walked over to the fridge and bent down to place it inside. He watched her ass peak out from under the dress as she did this then looked over at me. He said, “What’s up, man?” and shook my hand.

He was wearing a nice blue suit and tie with some dress shoes that looked expensive as hell. He was insanely hot, I won’t mince words. She was obviously very, very attracted to him. She pulled one of the Coronas out and opened it for him. I was sitting on the couch and now both of them were standing awkwardly. It felt awkward. He then broke the awkward silence and said, “So how does this work? Never done a wife in front of a husband.” My wife giggled at hearing that and said, “Well, I don’t really know.” She looked at me.

I suggested they just sit down on the couch and drink a little, which they did. After a few minutes of awkward talking he told her that she looked amazing and started rubbing her leg. He then brushed her hair behind her ear and kissed her. And again… and again… she looked fucking gorgeous and this guy was drinking it all in and loving the taste. He was still wearing his suit and they started making out hardcore. I watched her hand venture down and grip his cock that was rock hard. Her legs were toward me on the couch and I saw her legs open wide as his hand went for her pussy. I watched him start rubbing it slowly and he whispered something to her. She laughed and reached down and felt her pussy. She looked over at me and said, “Holy shit, baby, I am DRENCHED. Hahaha…” and went straight back to making out with him.

I had grown very, very hard by this point. There was no music playing. This isn’t some video you can skip through part of and I wasn’t allowed to jack off. Right in front of me my biggest fantasy was becoming a harsh and beautiful reality. After years of fantasizing, it was here. My stomach was in about a thousand knots and I felt like an anchor was holding me down to the loveseat.

After a few minutes he said something quiet to her and she responded where I couldn’t hear her either. He said one more thing and she nodded her head enthusiastically while I could hear, “Yeah, yeah!” while she scrambled out from under him. He sat up on the couch and straightened his suit up as much as he could. Before I knew what happened she was hungrily undoing his belt and hadn’t even looked at me. He slumped a little on the couch after pulling his ass up as she worked his pants down enough to spring free his cock.

His dick was bigger than mine, about 7 and ½ inches, but not massive. It was pretty thick though. When she pulled it out she just leaned back for a second and held it in her hand. This woman had put my cock in her mouth before but remember never given me a blowjob. She looked at his dick for two seconds before diving into it like she was dying of thirst and it was an oasis in the desert. I was behind her and to the left and when her head started bobbing on his cock I remember feeling precum leak out and thinking that this was the hottest thing I had ever seen.

She was unbelievably turned on and had her ass out where I could see it and that red thong since she was bent over. Her ass looked glorious. As always. I felt like I was drunk with lust. My cock was trapped in my jeans but I know I would’ve exploded in two seconds if I would’ve been allowed to touch it. She was furiously sucking and he leaned his head back and was moaning. He grabbed his beer and took a sip. I was staring at her but then saw him looking at me. That was awkward. I didn’t want to make eye contact with him. I finally did because it was obvious he knew I saw him. He smiled at me and said, “What you thought it would be?” I didn’t know what to say. My wife took a break from her bobbing, held his cock with one hand, and turned around to me. She was gasping for air and had a combination of spit and his precum dripping from her bottom lip. She just said, “You good?” I finally got out, “Oh I’m good.” She went straight back to sucking him off. This went on for several minutes.

My wife then stopped and started unbuttoning his shirt. She reached up and undid his tie and finished unbuttoning him. He had a nice olive skin tone and a impeccable six-pack. She started rubbing her hands over his abs and up to his legs and said pretty loudly, “Holy hell…” I am not too out of shape… but I’m not anywhere close to that. He then leaned forward and slid off his coat and shirt. He went to put them over the couch next to them and they slid down next to him. My wife was working on getting his pants off. She ripped each shoe off and then they worked his pants and boxers off.

They both put his clothes to the side again and tried to lay them out pretty nicely so they wouldn’t get wrinkled. She finally turned around and said, “Babe, get a hanger for him and hang his suit up.” Even being talked to at this point made my stomach sink. This was all so crazy and amazing. I did as I was told. I got a nice wooden hanger and pants hanger and walked back into the room. My wife was holding his cock back and was now working on his balls. It made me nervous walking that close to them, almost touching them, to grab his clothes. I grabbed them and hung them up quickly on a door handle of the pantry.

“How did you end up with me naked and you not? Haha” he said to her. She laughed and took a break from his balls long enough to shrug and say, “Oh well.” He said, “No, no, no… stand up.” She stood up in front of him with the heels making her tower just a little bit more than her normal 5’6” self. She put her hands on her hips playfully and looked at him. He leaned forward and started rubbing up her right thigh and got to her pussy. Her legs got a little wobbly as he did this. He then said, “Why don’t you ask your husband to hang up that dress too?” She looked over her shoulder and said, “Think I need you to unzip me, baby.”

I walked up behind her sexy self and when I got close I could feel the heat coming from her. She was unbelievably turned on still. I started to lower her zipper and looked at her sexy back as it became visible. The back of the red, lace bra came into view and then the matching thong. I could feel myself growing again in my pants. She then shimmied it down her legs and to the ground. I bent down to pick it up and my face brushed against the magnificent ass he was about to enjoy.

I walked back to my loveseat with her dress in my hand about laid it carefully over the back as I heard him say, “Damn…” I sat down and turned around to see her standing right in front of him in that lace underwear and her black heels. He spit her around and grabbed both ass cheeks as she smiled and looked over at me. When we made eye contact she didn’t change expression but even made it clear how good this was feeling by closing her eyes and putting her head back. She then let out a moan and I remember thinking, “She is made for this.”

He then started lowering her thong and sliding it down her legs. She kicked one heel and he stopped her and said, “No no.. leave those on.” He slid the thong off of her legs and over the heels leaving her perfectly smooth pussy exposed right in front of him. I saw his hand slide up and his finger feeling her pussy, which was basically gushing at this point. When he did this I saw her look at me with her mouth hanging open with a look of lust I’d dreamed about a million times. I’d cum more times than I could ever count thinking about this moment.

She finally broke our eye contact and turned back around to him. He said, “Do you have a condom?” She kept staring at him but said, “Baby, can you grab them?” I had a visible boner through my jeans as I hopped up and retrieved them from the kitchen counter. I opened the box and handed her one. When she grabbed the condom she grabbed my shirt and pulled me into her. She looked at me deep in the eyes and said, “Enjoy.” She turned back around and opened the condom like a pro. His impressive cock was rock hard and she bent over at the waist and rolled it onto his dick. I got one last amazing view of her faithful pussy before she took the hotwife plunge.

She climbed back on top of him with those heels now pointing out as she settled onto her knees. She waited while he lined his cock up and then she lowered herself slowly onto his cock. I heard her gasp and then she started her patented moan that I’d heard so many times. She said, “Oh my god…” as she fit his full shaft inside of her. Their faces were just inches apart and the passion was palpable. She started panting and so did he as she started to ride him. Her beautiful ass bouncing slightly with each down-thrust.

She got a good rhythm going and started getting louder and louder as she sped up. They started kissing while fucking and I could smell the sex coming from them. They were definitely sweating and the pounding kept going for a few minutes. I could tell he wanted to go harder and then it happened. He grabbed her ass and stopped her from moving while he moved to where he could pump her hard. He gave it to her in the most incredibly aggressive and thorough fucking we’d seen at that point. She started yelling louder than I’d ever heard and then I saw his balls clench and heard him yell as he exploded into the condom.

They slowed down and his arms fell in exhaustion. My wife laughed and kissed him deeply a couple of more times before climbing off and sitting next to him on the couch. They were both destroyed and the condom hung from his cock with an impressive load inside of it. She looked at me, exhausted, and smiled while catching her breath. She then looked over at him and he had started to remove the condom. She reached down and took it from him and had it in her thumb and forefinger. “Babe,” she turned her focus toward me, “can you throw this away for us?” She reached it out to me. I hesitated for a second but then took it gingerly. I tried to ignore what this really was that I was holding and scurried to the trashcan to get rid of it.

She then excused herself to the bathroom. Talk about awkward.. he and I by ourselves with him naked on the couch. I filled the silence by asking he wanted some wanted, which of course he did after that. Thankfully she was back quickly, still wearing her red lace bra and just the black heels. When she came back in and sat down on the couch she asked him how he was doing. He was sitting there rubbing his balls, not even being close to shy about it, and was still completely naked. He told her, “Fuck, your pussy is amazing…” She laughed and said, “Your dick isn’t so bad yourself.” My wife then leaned back on the couch and so casually just propped one leg up on the couch and looked a me before saying, “Baby, we should order some pizza, sound good?” She looked at me and him and I was surprised that she was over all her nerves and hungry now but also that he wasn’t leaving. I then realized that we didn’t really discuss when he would be leaving.

Of course he agreed. I ordered the pizza and they were on the couch naked and almost naked. After I hung up she then asked, right in front of him, “So, how did it compare to the fantasy.” I felt so weird answering that in front of him and was taken back by how casual she was about it. She wasn’t shy at all in front of this guy. All I could muster out was, “That was pretty amazing.” He didn’t say anything but she smiled and said, “Glad you agree.” Then the real awkward time came as we all kinda small talked for a few minutes about our jobs and stuff. Like I really care about his job?

My wife then asked him if he wanted another beer and told me to get it and get her some wine. She engulfed her glass of wine and asked for another before I knew what happened. Still on an empty stomach so it hit pretty quickly. When I came back with the second glass he had started making out with her on the couch. She was leaving over him and massaging his balls now. His cock was growing again. Then I hear my phone buzzing as the pizza delivery man arrived and I let him into the complex, followed thirty seconds later by a knock on the door. I open it and give the young man the money and try to talk over the moans he can hear from about twenty feet behind me. He definitely heard them but didn’t say anything.

I walk back over and my wife is deep throating him again. Her bra is off now and she’d lost the heels. She was still on the couch next to him with her head in his lap instead of on the ground in between his legs. He had his hand on the back of her head and pulled all of her long, dark brown hair to the side of her face, giving me a perfect view of her working so tirelessly on his shaft. He looked over at me and said, “Hey, can I get a piece, man?” I grabbed one of the pizza boxes and walked over to him, opened it, and he worked a piece out. He sat their and ate a piece of pizza while my wife worked his shaft like a pro. He finished the pizza and the whole time had his hand on the back of her head. I could tell she was getting tired and then also saw him start to convulse. He grasped the back of the couch and held the back of her head while he unloaded in her mouth. She stayed there like a champ and took his load in her mouth. She stayed there and pumped a few times making sure it was dry before she sat up.

She sat up on the couch next to him and he looked over at her with her mouth closed. He said, “You alright?!” while laughing and she started laughing but holding it in. She then swallowed it, something if never seen her do, and she said, “Holy shit, you tried to drown me.” They both laughed. She grabbed her wine glass and washed down the cum and then asked me to bring over the pizza. They sat there naked and ate their pizza while talking again and asking me how I was doing every now and then.

I was so shocked by everything I’d seen I only managed to force down one piece of pizza. After a few minutes he said, “Well, I really hope we do this again… but I’ve gotta get going.” She told him that they’d definitely do it again. He stood up and started getting dressed right there while my wife remained completely naked. He finished getting ready, kissed her deep and slapped her ass (causing her to giggle), and then turned to me. He said, “Thanks for letting me fuck her, anytime you need me, you call me.” I glanced at her and mouthed, “Thank him.” I said, “Thank you for fucking my wife, she was really excited about this, as was I.”

He then left and she told me to come to the bedroom and take my pants off. My boxers were soaked with precum and my cock was pretty small. She lied down next to me and propped her head up with her left hand while taking her right hand to my cock. She played with it, just moving it around, and asked me what I thought about it all. I told her that it was one of the most difficult things in my life, to watch her get taken like that, but it was also the most single erotic evening of my life. She laughed and said, “You weren’t disappointed?” I said, “Fuck no.” I then asked her what she thought and she buried her head in my chest and said, “It was AMAAAAZZZZING!!!!” She hadn’t stopped smiling since he first got there so it’s not like I really needed that question asked or answered.

It made me hard when she said it was amazing though. She then told me I could jack off and cum. She sat there watching me and talked about how crazy it must have been for me to watch another man’s hands go all over my naked body and then another man’s beautiful cock explore her pussy. I asked her why she’d given him so much head when she never gave me any and she blushed and said, “It felt so fucking naughty… so bad and mean that I never do that to….. and I loved that.” I came so hard and shot everywhere. I felt cum hitting everywhere and going on her as well. She said, “Oopsy,” as she scooped the cum off of her him with two fingers and put it in my mouth.

I couldn’t believe my luck. Her pretty face, sexy blond hair, delectable-looking body...I couldn’t believe that my acquaintance’s wife was this little vixen. He expressed a desire to see her with another man, and I expressed a willingness to meet her, but I never thought she’d be this vision of eroticism.

We went through the usual introductions, the awkward phase, the first double entendre that induces nervous laughter. I find a direct approach often works best. “We know why we’re here” I announced, and they both nodded. I held my hand out to her, and after a long look at her husband, she took it.

It was their house, but I could figure it out, so I led her to her own bed, with husband in tow. I sat, and pulled her petite body to me in a firm but gentle embrace. “Just relax...go with it” I whispered, and I could feel her body comply with my instruction.

Our first kiss was warm and slow and sexy, with my hands roaming down her back, cupping her firm young ass. She put her hands on my chest, and left them there...a move that felt like surrender. I put my hands on her chest, on her breasts, cupping them now, and squeezing. She closed her eyes as we kissed again and my hands made their way inside her top to her warm flesh.

We began to disrobe, and in his corner, so did her husband. One truth is that his cock is probably a lot closer to average than he knows. Another is that it is significantly smaller than mine, a fact that his young wife certainly noticed, and instantly. She didn’t look afraid, but I may have seen a hint of concern. I don’t know what I’d have seen if I looked at him. She had my full attention, now.

I laid her back on the bed and kissed my way down her body, pausing at her responsive nipples before making my way to the treasure between her legs. I kissed and nibbled just a little, and then rolled her on top of me in a 69 position. As I resumed my oral attentions, I felt her hands, and then her moistened lips, begin to do the same for my cock.

I’m pretty good at eating pussy, and hers is absolutely delicious. She was talented as well, and despite the fact that we both clearly enjoyed giving and receiving these oral pleasures, it soon came time for the main attraction.

I rolled her over again, on her back. I mounted her, my rigid cock resting against her slit as I stroked her sexy hair out of her face. Those big, gorgeous, innocent eyes looked up at mine and she said, very quietly, “go slow”. I understood...she was about to have a thicker, longer cock inside her than she was accustomed to, and she wanted to be sure she was ready. I smiled, and nodded, and she smiled back at me and began subtly moving her hips up and down beneath me.

This was going to be good. I didn’t fault her for expressing her reservations, and now I knew that despite them, this girl was ready to fuck. I spread her legs, my arms hooking her knees, and she grasped me to guide me in. Her husband asked “are you okay?”, but his timing was off. Just as he spoke, I pressed forward and entered his wife, and her first moan drowned out his question. I slowly worked back and forth, just a little deeper with each stroke, and I watched as those big pretty eyes widened.

“So deep” she whispered to me, when I still had two inches to go. I could tell she was ready, and on my next thrust I buried myself inside her to the root, and I watched those pretty eyes roll back in her head as she moaned a guttural “fuuuuuuck me”. Time to really get to it.

Back and forth, long strokes, her feet on my shoulders now and her head rolling side to side. She was made to fuck, and her trepidation about cock size was long forgotten by us both. The intensity of her orgasms was almost overwhelming, as she writhed and bucked with me, thrust for thrust. Finally, I could hold back no longer and with my final thrust I ejaculated deep inside this pretty girl, this married woman, filling her as her silent husband hovered out of sight and out of mind, on the periphery of our consciousness.

The fantasy of having a “Hotwife” is growing, in fact, research shows it is growing at a higher rate than a good majority of the other lifestyle alternatives, including the old staple of “swinging” and the modern “open relationship”.  Why is it that a fantasy that revolves around only one part of a relationship – the woman – going out and finding pleasure from another man more intriguing to an increasing number of men than going out and “getting some” for himself?  

Basic psychology tells us that men are highly competitive creatures.  They have a drive to compete with other males of the species for the best mate – this isn’t so much different than what happens in the animal kingdom.  Most men have an innate drive to compete with other men when it comes to the “best mate” or the “most attractive woman”.  With this being said, one of the reservations of most women who find out about their husband or partner’s Hotwife fantasy is that he is somehow “weaker” than the rest because he wants to give up his position as your only partner.  Is this really true, though?  Could the truth lie somewhere within today’s man’s loss of natural competition in everyday life, and a desire to maintain a level of competition after marriage or “monogamy”?  Is this weakness, or rather the ultimate confidence?  

Cuckholding aside, because this aspect of the fantasy requires a bit more in terms of a “woman led” relationship, and a bit more from the man in terms of a desire for mental sadomasochism, a good majority of men enjoy the idea that they have been able to “capture” the best mate and even when she’s out having amazing physical and emotional experiences with men who may have qualities that actually supersede their own – a better body, a larger cock, youth, more prowess in bed – their woman actually WANTS to come back to them at the end of the night.  While most Hotwife-Husbands do get some level of turn-on from the jealousy and the possibility that their Hotwife may actually be enjoying their dates more than they enjoy being “at home”, the overwhelming desire is the competition and the “win” in terms of having a wife who chooses them again and again even after being allowed to go out and have other men.  

As Hotwives, we may be the focus of the fantasy, but there is that deeper and more psychological desire of a man who, even after committing to one woman, is able to compete with other males sexually.  This is why the desire for “reclaiming” a Hotwife after a date is so strong – it’s actually been scientifically proven that men who are able to reclaim a partner after she has been with someone else have an increase in testosterone levels, which means stronger desire, more powerful erections, longer lasting erections, and an overall stronger sex drive.  So, what does this mean for us as Hotwives?

He Enjoys the Jealousy, Go with It

As women we’ve learned that inducing some jealousy can actually be a good thing when it comes to dating – before we’ve found our “person”.  We use our female prowess to keep the men who we are seeing guessing…why?  Because they seem more interested in us when it seems as though we may not be 100% there.  So, if this works in the dating world, why wouldn’t it work once we’re married? In contrast, women typically don’t respond as well, or in the same way to jealousy – we tend to worry, question, and sometimes shut down if we feel that he might be “just not that into us”.  Naturally, because of our own feelings on the matter, we tend to avoid making our men jealous once we’ve committed to them, because we, ourselves don’t want to feel as though we’re in constant competition with other, more attractive, sexier, younger, etc., women.  Why would we do something to the man that we love that we, ourselves, would hate?

For men, though, and especially those with Hotwife fantasies, jealousy is a big component and tool for us to keep our men hot and bothered.  Sometimes just the mere mention of being flirted with by that cute guy at our favorite restaurant, or our interest in the sexy personal trainer at the gym is enough to send our men into a sexual frenzy.  It doesn’t take a lot to feed the fantasy.  It’s not ALL about dates and recounting how well we got worked over in the bedroom (and how much we loved it), though that is the ultimate turn on for our men, it’s also about the little things – the mention of our interest in someone else, the sexy messages that we send to potential lovers or Bulls, the “tease” of how much we loved what our last Bull did for us and how much we’re looking forward to doing it again.  Remember, this ignites the “competition” element of things, which is natural for men.

The More You Enjoy it, the More He Enjoys it

You may be thinking, “But I’m doing it for him, I’m not doing it for myself” (a common theme by A LOT of Hotwives), but in reality, our men WANT us to enjoy our encounters. They want to hear about what this “other guy” did for or to is that sent us over the edge, and yes, they want to hear what we liked better about the “other guy”.  I know it seems crazy, because we don’t want to imagine our men, even if we did allow them to be with other women, thinking that their “others” were better, sexier, hotter or had something that we don’t.  That’s because we don’t have that “competition drive” like our men do.

Let’s face it, despite what our men tell us – “It’s all about your pleasure” or “I don’t get anything out of it unless you’re enjoying it, because I love you so much” – this isn’t some ultimate “unselfish” thing our men are doing for us.  These things come out of their mouths, but what they are really saying is “I want to know that you came three times while he was fucking you, and you STILL want to come home to me”.  It’s their kink, and we have to understand it.  

So, if you’ve actually taken the step into the world of Hotwifing, you’re going to have to learn how to properly tease your man into believing that, just maybe, your Bull was better than him in some ways.  Whenever you think “But I’m only doing it for him”, follow that us with “I’m doing it for him and he WANTS to know that I absolutely enjoyed it”.  Find some aspect of your encounter that was mind-blowing, and recount, in great detail exactly what it was that sent you over the edge.  This may require a little bit of embellishment, and that’s OKAY…trust me…embellishment is your friend in this situation.  Tell your man about your Bull’s amazing cock, how good if felt, how good he tasted, how fantastic he was at oral sex, etc.  These are the things that will ramp up that competition streak in your man and make him want to reclaim you with increased vigor and desire.  

The More You Want Someone Else, The More Your Man Wants You

Again, you’re playing on the competition and the teasing aspect of things here…  The more that you act as if you WANT to be a Hotwife, the more that your husband or partner is going to WANT you.  His desire for you is going to skyrocket, his sexual desire for you is going to make it so that he’s ready to chew his own leg off to get you back in bed.  I have experienced this firsthand many times…if I am completely honest about an “encounter” and admit to “D” that my Bull was lacking in some way, or I didn’t quite “get there”, he isn’t nearly as turned on as when I tell him about how amazing things were.  I don’t like or believe in lying, but I do advocate for being selective and stretching the truth…maybe your lover wasn’t the best at giving oral sex, but maybe he was an amazing kisser, so a good answer would be “he was amazing with his mouth” and leave the rest up for interpretation.  

We’re women.  We are strong and capable and we are smart.  And the truth is, this is a GAME we are playing for and with our husbands/partners, so we need to get our heads into the game. Furthermore, this is an intellectual game, and we need to use our intellects to get to where we want to be.  Where do we want to be?  We want to have a husband/partner who is absolutely drooling over us, believes we are the ultimate sexual goddess, and in is jealous enough to realize that in order to “compete” they will need to step up their own game in order to “keep” us satisfied – be that with amazing sex, extra romance, other rewards, or all of the above.  

Happy Hotwifing!

10  things a Dom expects a sub to know without being told

1. He needs to be the priority. Make him your priority regardless of how horny you are. A true Dom/sub relationship extends beyond sex into all other aspects of the partnership.

2. He has emotions and needs them acknowledged. The internet (and Tumblr is especially egregious in this regard) has created the toxic stereotype of the Dominant as this calm, cold, unemotional Olympian figure who is always as in charge of himself as he is of his submissive. Accept that your Dominant is human, and it is only normal, and that he will occasionally have a moment of weakness, or self-doubt, or — horrors! — shedding a tear.

3. Know him better than others. If your Dominant is having emotional difficulties, or even something as “insignificant” as a bad day at work, you should be sensitive to that, just as he needs to do likewise for you. It’s a mutually-caring relationship after all.

4. Let him control things (including you). That is his responsibility. Yours is to obey.

5. Abide by the rules. Your Dominant constructs various rules, tasks, rituals, etc, for a purpose. That purpose may not always be obvious to you. It doesn’t have to be. Trust that he knows what he’s doing. If you’re not willing to put in the work, then you should do some soul-searching and evaluate how deep (or even genuine) your submission really is.

6. Remember that he is yours. This is always reciprocal. Just as he expects your total devotion and commitment and fidelity, you have the right to expect those things from him. To be clear, this is not the same as taking your Dominant for granted. Just as he has to earn those things from you every day, so you also have to earn them from him every day.

7. Appreciate the work he puts into you, and let him know that you appreciate it. Being a dominant (especially in a day-to-day rather than sporadic relationship) is hard work. Let him know how much it means to you that he considers you worthy of all that work and direction and energy.

8. Be mindful of your respective positions in the D/s relationship. He is your Dominant. Can you be affectionately playful and impish? Yes; any Dominant who doesn’t  relish such from his submissive on occasion has some significant self-confidence issues. Sarcastic or willfully bratty? No way.

9. Give the same respect you get. If he shows you that, despite the way your relationship might look to the vanillas, he holds you in the highest respect, then return that  respect. If you come to the conclusion that he does not hold you in the highest respect, you might want to reevaluate your relationship and possibly move on.

10. Above all else: he expects your submission to be whole and complete and without reservation, save for those things that the two of you negotiate as equals before you offer him your submission (and renegotiate from time to time as the relationship evolves). You don’t get to submit just when you’re in the mood. There are no half-measures.

And on the flipside

10 things a sub expects a Dom to know…without being told

1. She needs to be the priority. She doesn’t want to compete with others. If every woman is hot, she’ll find it hard to stand out….and she needs to stand out.

2. She has emotions and needs them acknowledged. Probably more than you bargained for.

3. She needs you to know her better than others do….if her friends notice she was in a slump, you should notice first.

4. There are some things some of us just can’t physically do…don’t expect her to do something just because your last sub could or you’ve seen another sub do it. Not every sub can take a dick all the way down her throat.

5. Don’t compare her. She’s her own individual. She’s unique. That’s probably why you chose her in the first place. She may not be the hottest sub or have pics of her pink parts spread out for the world to see. But she goes out of her way to be the best in your eyes. Show her that she is.

6. Let her control things. ( wait, don’t let your heads explode here). If you’ve delegated certain chores to her…give her the control to do them. If they are getting done, does it really matter that they weren’t done in the exact way you would’ve done them?

7. Enforce the rules. All the time. Not just when it makes you feel Domly. After all, she’s in this D/s relationship because she needs the structure of the rules. She might sigh or grumble… but rules are partly why she’s here.

8. Remind her she’s yours. Every day. Even if you haven’t collared her, she’s given herself to you. She wants to hear and see that you own her. (Example: a hand full of hair while firmly kissing her will remind her of that…and get her wet in the process ;). )

9. Appreciate the submission she gives you. It takes more for some to submit than just the act of doing what they are told. She might find that she has to submit herself every day.

10. Be hers. Just as she is yours. Let her know that you aren’t just a Dom…you are HER Dom.

One of the questions we get asked most frequently is “How do we meet people for threesomes / swinging / swapping, etc.?”

Even after posting about this a few years ago we continue to get asked this (because maybe people don’t understand how to use the search on our blog or the FAQ page lol), so it’s worth re-visiting, and also updating.  This time I’m going to expound with quite a bit more information on both swinger websites and swinger clubs.  For us, the more reliable way to meet others has been through the swinger websites - and that’s a majority of what this post will focus on, but we’ll share some information on the swinger clubs as we’ve met people there also, and I think it may be helpful to those interested in getting started.

—————————————————————-

Swinger Websites

What are the advantages of setting up a profile on a swinger web site? It’s like LinkedIn - but you know - way more exciting.  Think of this as your sexual network, and your profile as your sexual resume.  The people that join the sites, for the most part, seem to be serious about “the lifestyle” / swinging. They get it.  They’ve taken the time to setup a profile… which means in all probability they are DTF (eventually).  They don’t want the drama, they just want fun.  Most are happy to be friends as well… friends with benefits that is.  Some of the swinger websites have free areas, and then also have membership levels or areas and/or additional functionality you have to pay for.  I know everyone expects to get everything for fucking free these days, but keep in mind that the owners of these sites have to pay for the design, maintenance, hosting, bandwidth, and the functionality of the sites like hosting pics, videos, and messaging… so don’t bust their fucking balls about having to pay for them.  You want to find / meet some reliable and cool swingers?  Pay for the fucking membership area and don’t be a fucking cheapskate.  It’s like the old saying goes - you get what you pay for.  You want free?  Go to Craigslist - you’ll see what I mean.

Public vs. Private Not unlike setting up a Tumblr - you can use an alias e-mail address for your login and to setup your profile and you can pick a screen name (gotta love the ubiquitous  "Cpl4forfun4usixt9" - that’s not my joke it comes from a fucking hilarious video called “Shit Swingers Say”).  The only way these sites are not “anonymous” is by using your credit card to pay for the full membership option.  When you setup your profile you can also determine what level of information and/or photos you want shared publicly or want to remain private and to share with only selected others. Some sites even allow you to hide yourself from others unless they are confirmed / verified / or friends (see more below).  Naturally, you can also block people if necessary.

Confirmed or Verified Members Most sites have some type of confirmation or verification system where after you’ve setup your profile, if you want to take the extra step of getting confirmed or verified, typically you’ll need to send in a face pic and hold up a piece of paper with your screen name and date on it and it has to be approved by a site admin.  These pics are never uploaded to your profile unless you add them there yourself.  These sites have this system because there are people who create fake profiles on these sites (I’ve seen plenty of stolen generic Tumblr porn pics used like they are their real profile pics), and so this at least helps you determine (the profiles will be marked as confirmed / verified) which profiles are “real” as they’ve at least gone through some sort of effort to prove they aren’t fake.  

Profile Tips Remember what I said about this being like LinkedIn (but way more fun)?  If you’re looking for a job do you put up one fucking terrible photo of yourself on your profile and like one sentence about past employment experience?  No, you put some effort into it - this is no different.  Put up a reasonable description of yourself, talk about what you like, talk about what you’re looking for, talk about your experience or lack thereof if you’re new to the lifestyle.  Don’t bullshit like on your LinkedIn profile either.  Also, have fun with this - swingers while they may be serious about wanting to fuck other people - love to have fun and laugh at themselves and others.  

Profile Photo Tips Ok real talk - let’s face it - the first fucking thing someone is going to look at that either gets their attention in the first place, or the first thing they’re going to want to see when they get to your profile is your pics.  So, be thoughtful about what you’re posting here.  Remember, you’re trying to make a good impression.  When you think about what pictures to post, don’t just post pics of your cock or closeups of her tits / pussy / ass. Be a little more revealing of who you are. You don’t have to show your face, but make sure other couples have a sense of who they are talking to. Make sure the pictures are recent, and look relatively decent - try posting something other than a bunch of selfies (or pics where you’ve cropped someone out lol) if you can. If you’re a couple - have your partner take pics of you. Also, if you’re a couple, put up pictures of both of you. Some couples only put up pics of the woman… and it ends up being like click-bait - because when you meet them - she’s smoking hot like her pictures… and he’s not anywhere like his profile described him (or the one photo that was just a pic of his dick). Be honest in your descriptions of yourself as well. We are not by any means “perfect” in our looks or what everyone is looking for… and a lot of people have turned us down, and to be totally honest we’ve definitely passed on meeting some people as well.

Searching You can search member directories by area (city / state) of the country where you live, and/or who you’re looking for (a couple, a single woman, a single guy, etc.), and/or other features like who they’re looking for (other couples, single women, single men), what level of play they are interested in, distance from you, etc.

Who’s Looking / Who’s On? Most of these sites do a great job of letting you know who is looking at your profile, and additionally things like if people are “liking” your photos you’ve posted, or if they’ve sent you some type of particular outreach like a flirt or a wave.  You can also usually see if they are currently online and if not, when was the last date / time they were online.  Some sites will even show you if you have sent someone else a message, whether or not they’ve read it.

Initial Outreach Ok, you’ve found some people you think you’d like to meet.  What’s the first step?  As I mentioned above most sites have a way to reach out.  Some sites call them “flirts” or “waves” or you can add people to special “hot lists” or “follow / favorite” certain pepole and/or profiles.  It’s a first-step way of letting another person / couple know you’re interested in them.  Most times people will wait to see if the person / couple they sent an outreach to looks at their profile and then reciprocates that gesture of the outreach.  That’s typically when it’s a good time to send a message to reach out more.  For fuck’s sake this isn’t (generally speaking here) the time for a “Let’s fuck tonight!” message.  For most people that’s an automatic delete.  Try a little more along the lines of “Hi. Read and really enjoy your profile.  It sounds like we have a lot in common.  I / we noticed you’re looking for this particular type of thing and so am I / we.  Really enjoyed your profile pics too - thanks for sharing!  I / we would be interested in chatting to know you better, if you’d like to get to know us a little better as well.”  That’s considered a pretty good / cool message.  (See more in the etiquette section below as well about this).

Friends Once you’ve made some connections with others - you’ve read their profile and you’ve got a lot in common and you’ve liked some of their pics and/or they’ve liked some of yours or you’ve sent some sort of outreach or you’ve messaged - that’s typically when people exchange / accept friend requests from others.  (See the section below about “Etiquette” regarding friend requests).

Home page / Dashboard / Timeline Most sites have a “dashboard” (or timeline) of sorts - where you can post text and/or pics and with some sites even video.  It’s usually open to view by anybody on the site, so think about what you want to share here.  Usually posting some sexy pics or a good conversation topic will get you a lot of “views”, and some possible interest from others (see Who’s Looking? above).

Groups Usually the sites also have groups you can join where you can learn about meet & greets or special parties in your area, or other things like common interests in erotic fiction, sexting, photo exchange, BDSM, orgies, gang bangs, etc.

Events Plenty of information on events taking place in your area, or even information on events taking place in other destinations, or even special travel for swingers to resorts or cruises.

Club Listings Most sites also have listings, and some have ratings, of local clubs, or if you’re traveling and you’d like to try out of town clubs this is a good way to get information on them.  Way more on clubs further down in this post.

General Etiquette It’s amazing that I even have to write this… but not unlike Tumblr there’s some crazy shit that can go down sometimes.  Please, don’t make a profile with one picture, and one sentence “we want to find other swingers” (like duh, no shit!) and go friend requesting everyone on the site.  Legit swingers who are serious about this and who are DTF want to know more about you.  Don’t expect anyone to accept your friend requests if you have only one picture and basically no information about yourselves.  And if you say “I’ve got to be discreet” sorry, not sorry but that’s a bullshit cop-out.  You think everyone else on the site wants the whole goddamn planet to know they’re on there?  No (okay, not most people at least).  Again, your main profile or public pics don’t have to have your faces in them, but give people a little something to see and some information about yourselves and you can still do that and be discreet.  Also, if you send someone a message and they don’t reply after a couple of days or so, that probably means that more than likely they’re not interested.  Sometimes it’s hard to find the right / polite words to say “I’m not interested” because people don’t want to hurt others’ feelings, so some people will just not reply.  So, there’s no need to continue messaging them asking the same question.  Also, most swingers appreciate some type of advanced scheduling (lots of us are parents, and can’t play on the spur of the moment) but it doesn’t stop people from sending messages asking to meet up the same night. *Rolls eyes*  I’m sure for some people that might work, but for the most part sending a message that day and expecting a hot-ass hook-up later that night ain’t the norm for most.

Info on / Tips for - Couples Being a couple looking to meet another couple can be a challenge.  There are four people involved - and sometimes that can mean a lot of negotiating. Every couple has their own level of comfort when it comes to play.  Are you a soft swap or full swap couple?  Do you play together in the same room, or will you play in separate rooms?  Do you allow solo play?  Are both wives bi or bi-curious?  If one isn’t bi/bi-curious will the other wife be okay with that?  What about the guys?  Is one bi-curious and one straight and will that freak out the straight guy?  Are both wives into the other’s husband, or are both husbands into the other’s wife?  If not, how does that all play out?  Will your partner “take one for the team” if necessary?  If things are going well with the conversation online and you get a chance to meet - is there chemistry between the couples?  If so, how do you decide to take it to the next level?  Between being parents and being swingers and all the negotiating that goes on in both of those I bet I could be a top-notch hostage crisis negotiator with the fucking SWAT team.  Also, if you’re considering the lifestyle but haven’t talked to your spouse about it, please, don’t create a profile on a swinger site if only one of you really wants to do this.  It’s okay if you’re checking it out “recon style” so you can be knowledgeable and informed when you approach your spouse about wanting to try it out, but it’s not fucking cool to start messaging people to meet up, and then not being able to because you both aren’t okay with it and the other person doesn’t even know you have this profile yet.  That’s a giant fucking waste of time for everyone involved.  You’d be surprised, but it happens a lot.  Overall we’ve had some great experiences with other couples and some hot adventures and hope to meet more and have more fun as we continue in the lifestyle.

Info on / Tips for - Single Men There are lot of them out there in the lifestyle.  A lot.  Some couples are receptive to them, some couples are not.  If you’re a single guy here’s a couple of good things to know.  Not all couples will treat you like second class citizens, and some will even welcome your inquires and advances.  Just know that at some point along the way some other single guy may have fucked up pretty badly (trust us, it’s happened) and you may be judged on by what happened with that other person.  Also, because there are a lot of single guys in the LS, please know that a one word lame come on message and a pic of your dick aren’t going to distinguish you from the crowd exactly.  If I see only dick pics or one word messages in our inbox on these sites I just delete them (FYI same for Tumblr).  If you want to make a good impression and have even a chance at anything happening, send a nice message - with well written sentences, compliments for the wife, actually read the couples full profile to see if maybe you’re a good fit for them, and most importantly be cool, and don’t be pushy and/or overly aggressive. One of our current regular single guy friends we play with - it took us months to finally be able to meet him - and he played it cool and wasn’t pushy and now we’ve almost been playing with him for almost a year.  Safe to say he’s been “rewarded for his patience”.  If a single guy takes the time to send a good message like described above - I will at least do them the courtesy of a reply even if it’s to say (”Be Nice” - Dalton) that we’re not interested or not available.  Some single guys are also pretty bad about making assumptions - such as that just because we’re on a swinger site and we say we’re open to single guys that my wife wants to / can’t help herself from fucking every single one of them.  I mean, I know we’re on a swinger site, and I know she’s a slut - but she’s my slut - and she is selective in terms of what guys she’s attracted to, and I’m selective in terms of making sure it’s someone who will abide by our situation and treat my wife with some dignity and respect.  Also, if your profile pic is a pic of your dick and/or your dick pics have no game you should read “The Art of The Dick Pic (Club)” for some helpful hints.  Overall, we’ve had a lot of good experiences with single guys and we’re thankful that we’ve met some really great guys through the lifestyle.

Info on / Tips for - Single Women Ah, the ever elusive “unicorn”… hence the name and the great reverence paid to them in the lifestyle - and it’s for good reason.  It’s pretty much the exact opposite of the single guys out there - single women are very hard to come by in the lifestyle - and everyone - couples and single guys - want to hook up with the very limited number of single women.  When new single women join these sites they usually get a lot of attention very quickly.  A good majority of couples out there - that’s exactly what they’re looking for - and with some couples that’s exclusively what they’re looking for.  It always cracks me up when a couple makes a profile on one of these sites and after being on the site like a whole 24 hours, they post something about being frustrated that there’s no single women for them to hook up with one-time this coming weekend for the husband’s birthday.  LOL #getaclue.  The lifestyle does not work like that at all.  (Some really don’t understand at all how this works so much so that we’ve had couples approach us online to ask if they can only play with my wife.  I’m not even kidding).  Not unlike the single guys though, not all the single women in the lifestyle are perfect in terms of their behavior either.  We had one we were chatting with and everything was going great and we were going to meet up (a date, time, and location were all set) until that morning she told us she would rather meet another couple she liked more.  SMH.  I’d say that sometimes the attention can go to people’s heads as well. Overall, we’ve been fortunate to meet and play with some great single women, and naturally, hope to meet others as we continue in the lifestyle.

So, what are some sites to look into? This is by no means an exhaustive list. These are just the ones we’ve either seen, or have big followings among the swinger community, or heard the most about the most, or that we are on (we’re not on all of them, and I’m not saying which one(s) we are on).  To be fair - this isn’t any kind of a “ranking” below - just a list of sites in alphabetical order.  (I’m really sorry but for some fucking reason Tumblr WILL NOT let me hyperlink the sites below.  Every fucking time I put the hyperlink in, or just put the site URL’s below it won’t let me post this or save this in Drafts.  I tried everything I could think of - they must have an outside link limit in these posts - sorry.  Just copy & paste any of those into “the Google” though and you should have no trouble finding the sites).

Adult Friend Finder Kasidie Swinger date club Swing life style  Quiver.us

Can you try Craigslist? Yes. It’s a little embarrassing to admit, but we did use CL a little at the beginning for one or two of our early adventures. We had some good experiences… but you’ve got to wade through a fuck-ton of all the fucking bat-shit crazies to find the good ones that aren’t fakes and/or flakes. We also had some bad ones. So… good luck with that.  Our advice would be to stay away from CL.

Also, I’ve seen some people use other standard social media sites like Twitter and of course here on Tumblr for this.  Maybe that’s worked for some people, but for us we prefer to use legitimate swinger websites for meeting others.  I’m not saying that Tumblr hookups don’t happen, I’ve certainly seem some people post about that.. It may have also happened for us too.  Maybe.  I’m not saying for sure if it did or not, or if we happened to actually post about it and intentionally hide that fact.  Maybe.  I’m not saying.  From my understanding however, it’s usually after months or longer of talking and getting to know each other.  Sending your very first message to another blogger asking where they live doesn’t constitute Tumblr as a legit swinger site.  Again that’s just my understanding or what I’ve heard.  Maybe.

—————————————————————-

Swinger Clubs

General So here’s the most important thing you need to know about the swinger clubs - at least in our experience - you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.  If you and your spouse are unsure of whether or not you want to truly enter the lifestyle and you’d like to see what the clubs are all about - you can just go and sit in the club and keep to yourselves and not have to do anything at all but sit and watch.  If you’re new and want to explore and be voyeurs you totally can do that.  It doesn’t mean people won’t approach you, but you can say that you’re only there to watch and explore and people will be cool with that and let you be. The clubs if nothing else are fucking amazing for people watching.

On-Premises Clubs Most clubs we’ve been to are what are called “on-premises” clubs - meaning you can play there with others while at the club.  Those clubs have a common “club” area with tables and dance floors and the bar, and then play areas or VIP areas where you can play.  Each club has their own rules and fees associated with the common area vs. the play area - so do some online research about your local club (or read reviews on the swinger sites) before going, or get there early and get the tour from the staff and they’ll fill you in on the rules.  Some clubs are “off-premises” which means it’s a “safe space” to meet other swingers - more than likely for a first time meet up after chatting online - but you can’t play there - you’ve got to go someplace else.

Club Rules Each club has not only their own rules associated with the common area vs. the play area, but they do have rules about things like what nights single guys can attend (usually only Friday nights and not on Saturdays), rules for single guys who attend, dress codes for the men (singles or couples), and rules about certain areas of the play area.  A lot of clubs will post some or most of this information on their websites (which are usually fucking criminally bad and either look like they were designed in 1996, or haven’t been updated since then and are usually not mobile-friendly).

Club Tours If you’re brand new to this and you want to arrive closer to opening time, the club staff at every club we’ve ever been was more than happy to give us a tour of the place.  Most clubs won’t be very busy at all near opening, but it’s good time to get a tour and hear about all the specific club rules.  (Also if you get there early for the tour and there’s not many people there, don’t get discouraged only noobs who want tours get there early lol.)

Play Areas If you’re new to the particular club, or new to swinging go early to the club and get the tour I mentioned.  Each club has their own rules for the play area.  Please respect them.  Especially if you’re in the play area, whatever you do, don’t touch / do anything with anyone else unless you’ve asked first or been given permission.  For the most part we’ve not had issues, but there’s been some experiences where we’ve had to talk to people about their / our boundaries.  Most clubs will have an open / voyeur area where anyone can watch, and some have more private spaces.  Some clubs will even have special areas like a big hot tub, or showers, or areas for bondage or toy play, or even “orgy” rooms.  Just be cool and pay attention to what others are doing in order to take some visual cues.  If you have questions - ask someone - either club staff or other people that seem to know what they’re doing.  Also, sometimes you won’t find out the rules until you’ve broken them - like one time I’m fucking Mrs. M&F on a couch in the voyeur room of a club and she’s got her heels on and someone tells us she’s got to take her heels off in the middle of me fucking her.  Seriously, you can’t make this shit up.

Dress (or lack thereof) The first rule of swinger clubs is that there is always a themed event.  Always.  Swingers love and need themed events.  Otherwise it’s just a bunch people fucking other people.  If there was a swinger constitution that would be at the very top.  It’s not just back-to-school weekend at the club - it’s “Slutty School Girl Night”.  It’s not Christmas - it’s “Slutty Elf Night”.  It’s not a private pool party at someone’s house - it’s a “Luau” where “everyone gets lei’d”.  In the swinger calendar, Halloween is by far the “Holiest of Holies” when it comes to holidays and themed events.  It’s the penultimate mash-up of every themed swinger party ever.  At our first Halloween party at a swinger’s club, I watched my wife who was dressed as a slutty Biergarten girl get fingered by Batman for fuck’s sake.  Not everyone can say that.  The only holiday themed party that truly comes close to Halloween is New Year’s Eve… where you “get to ring in the new year with a bang”.  Naturally.  All that being said, you don’t even have to dress up for the theme if you don’t want to.  If you’re new and just there to check it out “dress to impress” but what you’re comfortable with if that makes sense.  You’ll see people dressed for the theme, and you’ll see people that are just dressed for a nice dinner out.  Most clubs will have a dress code for the men - since you know their wives are dressed up for “Slutty Daisy Dukes Night” the guys need some “direction”.  Usually men will need to wear either nice jeans or pants, and a shirt with a collar and no athletic shoes.  Also, thankfully fucking jorts are never allowed.

Play Time Nothing fucking happens until at least midnight.  It’s like the theme nights.  It’s written in the Swinger’s constitution “Play cannot happen until midnight (or later)”.  In our experience, the club might open around 9PM, but most people really start arriving around 10:30PM and for some people it takes a while for them to get in the groove / get in the mood / meet others.

Meeting Others The clubs can be a tough environment sometimes to meet others.  There’s not the casual / easy flirting of the swinger sites where it’s photo likes and messages and stuff.  In the club it’s the face-to-face interaction and that can be overwhelming sometimes.  We’ve been at the club sometimes and nobody will come talk to us, and other times, people have approached us.  Other times we’ve been at the club, and we’ve been the ones to approach another couple - and sometimes we’ve gotten turned down.  It happens.  The clubs can also be a little “clique-y” sometimes if a lot of the regulars are there.  A good night to try out the clubs is if they are having special meet & greet nights that can be a little less pressure.  Most of the swinger sites will also have special nights at the club which are helpful because you can agree on the site via messages to meet up for the first time with another person / couple at the club for the meet & greet.  The important thing is if you get turned down, it’s hard, but we’ve learned - there is really someone out there for everyone in the lifestyle.

Legal Stuff / BYOB (Alcohol) To skirt the local “decency laws” most clubs are BYOB so you have to bring your own booze (they provide only the setups like sodas and fruit juices / cups / ice, etc.).  That way if they’re not providing alcohol they aren’t held to the same rules as other nightclubs and can essentially be “private clubs” and don’t get hassled for having a bunch of naked people acting “indecently” and fucking in public.  I really don’t want this next part to sound judgmental, this is just based on our experience and what we’ve seen.  Part of what takes some people a long time to get going is the need for some “liquid courage”.  Everybody has their own thing and we don’t mean to judge - it’s cool with us if people like letting off some steam and getting a little crazy and having a few drinks.  We enjoy having a little something to drink at the clubs sometimes, but we’ve seen some people get pretty out of control.  Not only is it not sexy at a certain point, but we’d rather fuck people we know who are in full control of their decisions.  For the fun we enjoy having there we prefer to be way more sober so a.) we remember all the hot shit we did the next day, and b.) we’ve had some experiences where people said one thing while hanging out talking, and then it changed when it came time to play, so we prefer to be more “present”.  Hell, we’ve even been known to hit up the Starbucks on the way to the club to make sure we’re properly caffeinated for what may be a long night (again, nothing fucking starts until at least midnight).  All that being said, it’s amazing what people will bring to the club to drink.  I mean I know it’s BYOB but some people show up like it’s a goddamn NFL Sunday tailgate party.  We saw a couple coming into the club with them one of those large coolers with wheels on it full to the brim.  At that point you might as well bring your favorite teams’ pop-up tent and a a fucking grill for your brats while you’re at it.

Music: For the most part the music seems to be pretty much the same at most of the clubs we’ve been to.  We even have a playlist of songs we’ve downloaded that we’ll listen to in the car on the way to the club, or when we’re having friends over to “set the mood”.  What kind of music?  This is where we confess to being mid-40’s adults who don’t listen to the radio or popular music all that much, but we can say without a doubt that “Mr. Worldwide” Pitbull is the king of the swinger club music.  Not unlike the theme nights and nothing starting until fucking midnight or later, another key tenet of swinger clubs is that they have to play lots of Pitbull and of course it’s a requirement that they play Nine Inch Nails “Closer” and Eminem / Nate Dogg’s “Shake Your Ass” as well as any songs that are explicitly about “booty” or sex in general (too many to mention).  Also the requisite playing of  AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long” or Buckcherry’s “Crazy Bitch” where every woman in the club decides they want to work the poles.  Not of course that we’re complaining.

—————————————————————-

Okay… that should be plenty of information for anyone out there looking to meet others for swinging to at the very least get started and on your way.  

Now, please… re-blog the fuck out of this so we can get some good info going around about how to do this for all those who want to know.

You can also check some of our swinging tags if you’re interested in more information (or want to read up on adventures we’ve had with the “Our Adventures” or “The Deets” tags).  I even linked below a few posts on how we got started in swinging, and why we swing.  

Swingers Swinger Advice Swinger Humor Swinger Problems Our Adventures The Deets How We Got Here Why We Swing

—————————————————————-

PS. Okay, now that should be plenty of fucking information.  If you need more than that I may not be the right person to help you.

PPS. I don’t even know why I’m going to type this because I know nobody will fucking read it, but don’t fucking ask us what fucking sites we are on, or where we live and what clubs we go to.  If you do, I’m going to fuck with you bad.

Here’s a free 30 day trial link!