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@dakotacarrington
βI long so much to make beautiful things. But beautiful things require effort and disappointment and perseverance.β
Vincent van Gogh

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I love you Black lesbians. love you Native and Indigenous lesbians. many kisses for my Hispanic and Latino lesbians. lots of love for every Asian lesbian out there. i love every lesbian poc you're all amazing and deserve to be acknowledged this lesbian week of visibility<3
Allotments - David Inshaw
1988
If all of meβ¦.

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Weaving between lanes of consciousness and reaction eventually became tiring. The last thing I remember wondering about was that burning in my throat. Was the warmth my own blood, or the grasp of your fingers on my throat?
Danger Lurks
in 2026 DO NOT ask yourself whether your art is GOOD
instead ask:
is it SINCERE
was it CATHARTIC
was it FUN TO MAKE
is it MADE BY ME
and don't forget to stay silly

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Happy holidays π
Stop participating in things that reduce your mental, emotional and physical health. Itβs a sign to let those things go not trying to force yourself to continue hanging on. Not everything is meant for you. Not everything deserves you. Where you align, you flourish.
I received a delivery of flowers with a card attached,
βFor the most beautiful woman Iβve ever laid eyes on.β
It didnβt take long for me to realize that at some point, Will got enough free time to arrange for flowers to come today.
I stared at the pink dyed roses, they werenβt just pink but βSoft pinkβ. I was smitten, right there in that moment I couldnβt help but blush, this is what had gotten us into this predicament in the first place. It didnβt matter which room I fled to, in hand I was carrying the flowers he sent me. It was so imperative that even when being together it still felt like I was being courted.
Weβve been there many times, they chase you, they get you and then they think they βhaveβ you. Iβm a kept woman, and not because someoneβs choosing to keep me.
I honored actions over words, gestures over thoughts and of course when being spoiled is involved I canβt help but feel greatly considered. There was no doubt that my smile was so heavy it became infectious. Even Geoffrey was practically skipping around the house.
Excitement rolled through my body for an event tonight, talks of champagne, picture taking, and a great show.
π·ππππππ π‘βπ π»ππππ π€
The mountains would be refuge for anyone who wanted to feel relatively small, being tucked away between the peaks had its own jarring affect on me. I spent time shopping and dilly dallying with my little girl around town before the birth of her little sibling. She was ecstatic and as happy as I was to have them safely in my arms, the pregnancy blues were already sweeping over my empty and desolate body. Soon my body would heal and all that would be left behind was a biological imprint.
Days since I had my body back, and it was odd and eerily unsettling. There was nothing I was protecting attached to me but myself yet I was still guarded and hesitant. I wondered how much of that moment I could share with the world as viewers loomed in the shadow waiting for news to come out. There was expectation yet we π―π¦π·π¦π³ made it to the podium.
We were both there for the beautiful birth of our baby and was very present and invested, but the second he left, I had to figure out why and with who. He had grown colder, more distant, quieter and I could see a fire in his eyes dimly snuffing out by the day. It didn't make me remorseful, it made me fragile. Every wince, every aim to look in the opposite direction created a fracture in my ceramic bone. Had he really started to despised me that much? Gotten bored already? Was ready to leave again?
I didn't know what I would see when I walked into the cafe, him sitting with another woman discussing his day? Was she asking him about his plans? Did she know he had π«πΆπ΄π΅ had a π£π’π£πΊ?Β As I pushed open the door, I quietly looked around the quaint cafe. It was an open layout of tall tables and chairs I would literally have to sacrifice my womb to even sit at. Playing pretend wouldn't be worth it. Just as I heard what I thought was Will's voice and ran towards it, "CLINK" a mingling of a coffee cup sliding across a saucer garners a little attention and to my surprise it was none other than Geoffrey. I gasped quietly, "you're not supposed to be here for another 3 days!" I said, excitement suffocating my curiosity as Will sat 12 feet away somewhere here. He ushered me out, almost certain I was here on a mission and my disguise was going to be compromised.
As we hid behind a bus stop shelter we stood parallel from one another. He was noticing there was no belly and as awkward as it was watching him piece everything together physically, it was a dread I couldnβt live any longer. βNo the baby isnβt here.β I say with a smug smile on my face. He looks up quickly as if heβd been caught staring. βIt was different seeing you in maternal mode like that. Your mom- she would be proud.β He said calmly with hints reminiscent of the manor. The same one my sister and I ran around to pass the days.
Thatβs right. She was gone. I must have zoned out because eventually he cleared his throat, βDakota, i have something for you this Christmas, this is probably the last thing you wanted to deal with on top of everything you have going on-β my head shot upwards, my neck cracking but smothered by the blissful code. If it were about a release from the veil, I was ready to honor that. βWhat is it? Can I open it today?β He shook his head. βI need to be gone before you open it. No questions asked.β

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ππ©π¦ ππ°ππͺπ₯π’πΊπ΄ π―π¦π’π³ π΅π©π¦ ππ°π€π¬πͺπ¦π΄
My due date was around the Corner, approaching quickly and leaving me little time to take care of the Christmas shenanigans beforehand. I had no way of knowing whether or not Iβd be home for Christmas or if Iβd still be in recovery with baby bean.
I decided to be a Proverbs 31 woman and help Will wrap some presents for Ellie to see under the tree. She kept asking why Santa delivered presents so early and sheβs kinda convinced itβs because sheβs overly educated and on the nice list.
Sheβs quickly warming up to the idea of a baby sibling, she really wants a little sister but she does question why we want other kids if we have her. Needless to say the little princess has been consoled and has found positive things to look forward to, like being a big sister. Iβm so proud of her for expressing her feelings and also being able to adapt to change.
Not only is she adapting to a big change like a sibling, but also a huge move from France back to the states in the mountains of Estes. The weather is enough to make you say never mind, yet sheβs fully embraced if.
Cheers to another Holiday season guys π² ππ πΎ
Late night walks help me clear my mind. Sometimes.