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Watching the PGA aka drinking on a field with the occasional golfer playing through. (at PGA Championship) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxpsAxmhJ08OI5GU3brBVOOnxXonH45r1XPDhs0/?igshid=1p5zpxw7f1fec

Time for another. #LGI (at Barclays Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/BwvMdBAn--nsuVLiFUig-9NS_IdV3i-pLnShJ40/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=w1f7mnd8cbi7

There was a bowl of spicy ramen between the glass of sake and chopsticks wrapper but I inhaled it before I took my phone out. 💁‍♂️ (at Ramen Hood) https://www.instagram.com/p/BwsoTcNHjHqI1fsuB4Y2weVToXiMLpaZ5Ajh5w0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=3sdnrgnp2etl

We are wrapping our Styrofoam cups in plastic in case the plastic straw and plastic lid let any moisture escape from the drink that we'll suck down this morning and piss out by afternoon but whose toxic multi-component packaging will persist in our environment for the next several thousand years. Happy Earth Day! (at The Great Pacific Garbage Patch) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bwj8gyTHDSq60R-T6phauZ3bIHKrZgM7SC1nDA0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=jnl3cmhh7pjm

My view at every damn thing at Disney. (at Disney's Hollywood Studios) https://www.instagram.com/p/BvaDaOYnNLMWD21-aiYJp8OVckT3kD83YHYw840/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1x4i3vblv795e

Was walking in the west village and saw a swarm of awkward onlookers slowly approaching. Figured celebrity. When who I thought was the object of attention came into view I didn't recognize the face but then soon realized it wasn't him the throng was obsessing over but the pig on the other end of the leash he was holding. As the procession passed me by, a woman who was seated in front of a nearby cafe jolted up spilling her coffee everywhere and in near tears screamed "OH MY GOD." Paying no mind to salvage the coffee or address the chaotic state of the table she was leaving her friend with she continued toward the owner and attacked him with every imaginable question about the pig who incidentally never lost focus on vacuuming the street of every consumable trace of anything. (at Bleeker Street) https://www.instagram.com/p/BvAU_YbnBH9x7ksxmGPp7arFeLyPyN7rmCigA00/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=87kpek1nbcpt

No, it's a matter of keeping your eyes open and staying alert while you scale my eyes, ears and vital blood vessels with your arsenal of blades and razors. (at Matter of Instinct Barbershop) https://www.instagram.com/p/BupSmA_n4hs9ZugBpZrD3mGQAFCXOXf7UaAqRw0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=vkpur5a9cxu0

This potentially cannibalistic swine staring into the ether, incrementally losing its sense of self with each drag of the blade until its very being is completely given to a pure and unfettered socipathy is truly the stuff from which nightmares are made. #bedtimereading (at Brooklyn, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/BrT1qFaHFPaR_qDXR1b2ogrgdPQUMB4iy_C-lo0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=2gq209w5vqjy

Fine, I'll take the stairs. (at Cradle of Aviation Museum) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqklPDqH3nfFKgozm33aR3YoUCf5pGDh96q31A0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=rfwcorsr3cd6

The tree in front of my apartment has been warded off because its unwieldy electrical nature poses a threat to all who dare approach. (at South Slope, Brooklyn) https://www.instagram.com/p/BoOyEobhsR57n1m1cDE5hPlarOJGbp60TCtyKo0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ncdag7563zjn

Saw Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer sneezing all over the sneezeguards at the hot food section of our Whole Foods. #ChuckAchoomer ... Excellently terrible attempt at discreetly taking a 📸 credit: @mollytyn (at Whole Foods Market Third and 3rd) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnebaM5HWMp4ch18nv6QB89K9TbV91GktPoozY0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=jy85grt41xfb

#Seltzer be going through an identity crisis. (at Brooklyn, New York)

Visited Easton, Pennsylvania and all my wildest dreams were surpassed because it was Zucchini Race Day. (at Easton, Pennsylvania)

Went to see Thor pitch for the Single A Cyclones before he gets downgraded to the #Mets. (at MCU Park)

Skipped the office to hoe, mulch, plant seeds and eat tacos at the Mad Fun Farm in East Harlem today. #WillVolunteerForTacos (at Mad Fun Farm)

When your ketchup is more financially savvy than you are. (at Oath)

The gods of free nyc sidewalk shit smiled down upon me today. #bynesblessing (at South Slope, Brooklyn)