Very Unofficial PR Team For The Mistholme Museum

Us here at the PR team of the Mistholme Museum see it as our job to inform and educate others on all aspects of the Museum, as “a blatant attempt to drum up the interest of the masses in this highly respected institution”, in the words of our newly former PR director.

In that regard, this blog will be solely focused on providing snippets of tours given by our AI Audio Tour Guide, who prefers to go by Guide. In addition, we will possibly be providing sections of declassified conversations between many of our employees and operatives, in an attempt to endear you to them and “create a parasocial relationship aimed towards luring them into this death trap” (again, in the words of our former PR director)

This account/blog is in no way affiliated with the official Mistholme Museum Podcast (that you can find on most places you can listen to podcasts and you absolutely should listen to it it’s so good) or That’s Not Canon Productions. I just wanna make a blog about my favorite audio drama

“You know, if you wanted to rest your feet you could give horseriding a go, I’m sure this friendly fellow wouldn’t mind giving you a lift on his back.”

“They used to keep fish in the water but they got tired of replacing them every couple of weeks when they went crazy and ate each other.”

“Hey, this is a nice relaxing spot, very calming, some nice little statues of children urinating- bit weird that, actually.”

“If you’d like we can look around and see if we can find some spare feet to replace yours if they’re worn out.”

I don’t know why I need to reiterate this AGAIN, but for the love of all that’s not inherently unholy please don’t photograph, film or render in any physical or visible medium any reflections seen in glass or other reflective surfaces, wether they be of you, someone you know or an entity you don’t.

“A lot of architects would take issue with the idea of having a sizable water feature located well inside an enclosed building like this- especially one filled with priceless one-of-a-kind potentially unstable artifacts like the Museum.”

“This version was removed after a number of complaints that it was, quote, really really depressing, unquote.”

“Not only do we have absolutely no idea how to hatch a Dragon’s Egg, until Dennis arrived on our doorstep we had no idea that there was such a thing as dragons.”

“ To the best of the Research Department’s knowledge, dragons are not real.”

“ Can you imagine, an exhibit about a Sound, where you just have to read a description of what it sounded like? That would be like listening to an audio tour guide without seeing what’s being described, what nonsense.”

“Also, I don’t hear with ears like yours, so it’s entirely possible that we hear things differently and you don’t even know what I’m talking about.”

“It should, of course, be noted that- while he meant well and was a generally pleasant man- Jaques was not a smart man.”

“When they figured out he was being totally sincere, they detained him for some more time, so that they could call in as many of their colleagues as they could to laugh and taunt the silly Frenchman.”

Most notably, we would like to thank [REDACTED], [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] for their contributions in the recent months that have allowed us to purchase better locks and less haunted microwave ovens (Even researchers need to eat!**).

* Excluding the unavoidable temporary closure during the [REDACTED] incident and the attempted [REDACTED] by [REDACTED].