--Night Blogging In The Morning--

Day 6: I was growing weary of waking up in unknown locations. This location wasn't unknown, but quite irritating nonetheless.

It was a morgue. 

I wasn't dead; why would I be in a morgue?

It was so cold and so dark.......! SO COLD! AND SO DARK! WONDERFUL!

Except my body was radiating light. This was disappointing. Perhaps I could figure this out. 

After thinking, I determined that dead people don't know anything because they're dead. I couldn't ask them. It was cold though. That was one out of two conditions. 

I decided to go and explore, but I couldn't, because I was locked in a drawer. Since I was radiating light, I took out my copy of The General's Handbook to read while I awaited my death. Some of the blank pages became filled with text. I decided to flip to a page that originally contained an interrobang.

"Knowledge shall shed light on things, so you can see even more, and connections shall give off warmth, so you can feel what you couldn't before."

I asked myself what this might mean, and then the text on the page changed:

"The Breadbox is in the morgue, you oblivious beach rag."

That was quite mean, or at least that's what I thought. Furthermore, I was disconcerted by the fact that my quest for the Breadbox had ended so easily. Surely I must be missing something. I then remembered that the Breadbox, although powerful, was only guaranteed to help me open a box to help me start on a quest to find one of eight keys to a treasure that I'd need to go on another quest to find. I stopped whining at once.

Another thought plagued me: how would I get out of this drawer? Also, the book had said that the breadbox was in the morgue. Not that it could appear there. I was giving off light....how could it be possible? The nucleus could only appear where there was no light or warmth.........

Day 5: I woke up with a sharp pain in my head. I looked up and saw three hooded figures, each holding purple lanterns, standing over me. Somehow, this didn't surprise me in the least. I turned my attention to the lanterns. Dang, they were groovy! So purple! Not at all what you'd expect! And so full of painful, restraining magic!........

Painful, restraining, magic?

I sat up, and to my surprise, I realized that the magic from the lanterns was both causing me pain and restraining me. Go figure.

I looked up, and realized that I was in some sort of courtroom. It looked more like an Italian bistro that had been attacked by a large, mutant, lava snake, but what can one do?

At last, the judge presided.

"MAGNETS!"

....He almost knew my name.

"MAGNETS! YOU HAVE BEEN CHARGED WITH A HEINOUS CRIME! THE CRIME OF THE SANDWICH! WE HAVE NO CONCEPT OF SANDWICHES!"

I broke in: "Then how are you charging me with this-"

"SILENCE, MAGENTA!"

"YOU HAVE SHED LIGHT ON THIS CONCEPT WITHIN OUR UNIVERSE! LITERALLY!"

He took the desk lamp I had seen earlier and threw it on top of the short, Italian waiter that was acting as a judge's bench. 

"YOU HAVE PULLED KNOWLEDGE FROM THIN AIR, AND CREATED SOMETHING EVIL! YOU ARE HEREBY SANDWICHED--I MEAN, BANISHED, FROM THIS UNIVERSE!"

Again, I was confused, so I asked a question: "Does this bistro serve spaghetti?"

"NO!"

A praying mantis: a delicate majestic creature.

Why is it praying, you ask?

BECAUSE I'M HERE. WITH A BLOW TORCH. AND A NUCLEAR MISSILE.

Due to an increase of conflicts in the outside world, Night Blogging In The Morning will be on hiatus until sometime after December 20th.

I may still post weird things, but I definitely won't be updating The Log of General Magnus until Christmas vacation begins.

If you can recall, the world is made of butlers. http://squidinthesky99.tumblr.com/post/68361230905/all-of-your-cells-are-kind-of-like-tiny-butlers

If people in Soviet Russia live in Soviet Russia, that means that outside of Soviet Russia, Soviet Russia lives in you. Since it's a part of you, that means it's made of butlers. Furthermore, since the people that live in Soviet Russia live in Soviet Russia, which is inside of you, that means that since you're not in Soviet Russia, that you are inside of the people in Soviet Russia, which means that you are, in fact, in Soviet Russia. This means that everyone is in Soviet Russia, which means that a paradox has occurred; you had to be outside of Soviet Russia in order to be in Soviet Russia. Furthermore, since the world is made of butlers, Soviet Russia is made out of butlers. You are made out of butlers. Therefore, you ARE Soviet Russia. Everything is inside of you, and everything is outside of you. Everyone is Soviet Russia, and everyone is inside and outside of everyone else, forever creating paradoxes. 

We are all Russian butlers serving Soviet Russia, which is us. 

Day 4: I had followed the figure into a strange room at the end of a hallway. There were eight doors in the room, and each door had a mirror on it. The figure pulled up two chairs and a small table with a desk lamp on it. He urged me to sit down. I took a good look at him: he had dark brown hair that was peppered with grey, a solemn face like that of an old captain, and eyes as grey as the sea at a storm. He was fairly tall. At last, he spoke:

"Look in the mirror." I looked to the mirror and I nearly had a heart attack: my reflection was that of me as a young man. The man seemingly expected my surprise, and he opened his mouth to speak again: "That is how you picture yourself, how you think of yourself, and how you know yourself. The mirror reflects light." At the word "light", I jumped, and my heart began to speed. "You mean, you can teach me about light?" I inquired. "Indeed," was his reply.

Now, he was gesturing to the lamp on the table. "Do you know what this is?" he asked. "Of course; it's a lamp!" was my reply. "Indeed," he said. "There are no lamps in this universe, because light comes from a far different source; however, if you have one, it will prove very useful. In this universe, light is knowledge, and knowledge is light. Now tell me young man, from what do you learn on your journeys?"

Without skipping a beat, I quickly pulled out my General's Handbook. "Ah, yes," he said. "One must read books in the light in order to see its contents. Here, you could only read it because you are familiar with the text in some way. Now, flip to the table of contents, and you'll surely find something interesting."

My heart felt as if it was going to come out, for he was giving me so much vital information at once that I couldn't absorb it. It was like watching a sped up movie that was occasionally being interrupted by frames from other movies. I complied with his demands nonetheless. To my surprise, all of the pages in the second half of the book were now labeled with nothing but interrobangs. Looking back to him I said, "But what does it mean?"

Now he replied one last time: "You may read by the lamplight as long as you remain in this room, but you mustn't let anyone else discover it. This lamp is for reading, so it will only help you in this way. As for me, I must be gone."

With his last word, he began to become less tangible.

When he finally no longer existed, each door in the room opened in succession. Out of each came a lady covered in black water, or perhaps something else, and they each began to sing.

"As you begin.....your new adventure and get on your way.

You will eventually run out of answers and then

You may struggle and run to get to the end, get to the end of the day

You may not want to face the struggle, but make sure that you at least tried.

You may decide it's not worth one final song, but that's how the ninth Muse died.

Yes, that's how the ninth Muse died."

The ladies kept singing, and with each successive note, more tears built in my eyes. I began to lose awareness. I could not let that happen. I had to keep my mind on something--anything! 

SANDWICHES! That was it! I'd think about those! A nice sandwich on some warm bread--bread from my universe! Normal bread that didn't hold answers to anything! Just bread with some creamy mayonnaise and some nice, juicy meat topped with some hearty cheese! Some lettuce and tomato, and--

"HEY!"

The ladies had stopped singing, and one looked quite angry.

"NO SANDWICHES ALLOWED!"

Day 3: I knew it was time for me to leave. I had to find the bread of this new universe. The inhabitants were lizards; perhaps the bread would be a collection of insects! This thought quickly left my mind, as the lizard family had been feasting on pastrami, celery, and human eyelids. The thought was further disproved when I looked out the bale of garlic and noticed that there were, in fact, hundreds of unique humanoids outside, all eating different things. Well, they were all eating human eyelids, but it was obvious that those were less like their bread and more like bacon.

You can't find good in a bacon box; just disappointments, and cabbage. 

I ventured out, and soon, all eyes were on me. I could feel their piercing stares boring through my very being. Frantically, I looked through my pack and found a fake mustache. I quickly put it on my forehead, and sure enough, their eyes turned back to what they had been focused on prior to my entrance.

What truly was the bread of this place? Did these people even eat bread? There would only be one way to find out: I quickly took out my handy copy of The General's Handbook. I quickly flipped through it until I found the section containing breadboxes:

"Breadboxes are units used to store bread, as well as metaphorical entities from which important answers may be drawn. What a breadbox is and isn't may change drastically depending on where you are. Some characteristics of a breadbox on our own Earth are:

- It is a box containing bread.

- Crumbs pour out of it, causing an unceasing mess.

- It attracts rodents.

- Butters and preserves may be stored nearby.

Of course, if you are somewhere else, a breadbox may be hard to find. However, we have found some tips that may help you locate one:

- It will be a hollow vessel, no matter what universe you are in.

- It will always attract its realm's equivalent to rodents.

- It will contain its realm's equivalent to bread.

- It will be vital in the production of sandwiches.

Many of these tips will be of little to no help if you are not familiar with your location's "rodents" or "bread". Furthermore, some areas are unfamiliar with the concept of sandwiches, and others have banned them completely.

However, there is a central breadbox in every universe, and it may be found in various ways; this is the ultimate breadbox, as it contains the ultimate answer: where all the breadboxes in that universe are located, thus unlocking many important answers for you. The presence of the central breadbox is one of the few universal constants, meaning it exists in every universe and on every timeline. (See "Universes")

The breadbox will exist in the nucleus of the universe, which is where all of the universal constants meet."

I bookmarked this page, and quickly flipped to "Universes" in order to refresh myself on universal constants before continuing.

"Universal Constants:

- Breadboxes

- Darkness

- Cold

These are the only known constants to exist in every universe and on every timeline."

I flipped back to my previous location:

"The nucleus of your universe is the only area of your universe where the universal constants may all exist without evoking fear or panic from you. Sometimes, the nucleus doesn't even exist until you render it possible. Breadboxes are not a complete constant, as while it is always a breadbox, its form will constantly change. However, the only way darkness and cold change from place to place is what causes them. One thing is always certain, however: darkness is the absence of light, and cold is the absence of heat. What light and heat are change in every universe, so what will make them go away can be very hard to find. We have no answers here, but instead three things that will help you find them:

- You must look in your mind, to know what light and heat are to you.

- You must look around, to see what light and heat are to others.

- You must mix these thoughts, to find any metaphors that may help you along the way

Perhaps we went off on a tangent, but the point was that the darkness and cold create the nucleus, while the breadbox only appears there. You must remember that the nucleus can only exist if you eliminate fear and panic while facing it, and that your fear and panic can only be eliminated if it is a proper nucleus."

I thought long and hard about what I had just read, and wondered if I'd ever be able to make this happen. 

I felt an appendage of some sort on my shoulder, and I turned around to see a surprisingly human-looking person standing behind me.

There are seven of you; thank you so much.

I would very much appreciate feedback on both my posts and on The Log of General Magnus. I know few of you will reply, if any at all, but this feedback will be very important.

Also, if you like this blog, please tell your friends.

From: The Morning-Night Blogger.

Day 2: I  awoke, holding the midnight box from before. The key would likely be somewhere on the outside. This would be hard; I haven't been on the outside for years--not since my last journey.

Carefully, I opened the closet. So much had changed. A different family now lived in the house--instead of humans, they were humanoid lizard creatures. The table had been glued to the ceiling, and the windows had been replaced by bales of what seemed to be garlic. The lizards seemed hostile, so I, taking some bleach and ammonia from the closet, mixed it outside the closet and then closed the door. 

It was at that moment that I realized that I hadn't been underwater at all--well, at least not in the way one would think. Some liquid water was being suspended from the ceiling, so I suppose one might say I was "under water", but I certainly wasn't submerged. This caused the question to rise: Why couldn't I make a campfire? I then realized that the matches I had been using were, in fact, spaghetti. 

Soon, I heard hissing and sobbing, and by the time I opened the closet again, the lizard family was dead. 

This would be my chance to get the key. I went straight for the breadbox; crucial points of missions will always be found in the breadbox, or so my father used to say. I must say this, though: as I grow older, I am less sure that he was my father, and more certain that he was, in fact, an Allen wrench. 

Of course, it wouldn't actually be a breadbox; it would symbolize a breadbox. Once at the actual breadbox, I found that when opened, it played music, and that it was a literal breadbox containing only bread.

Times have changed since I was outside; what is the bread of the world I've thrust myself into? I'd have to find out.

I packed: a knife, a compass, some bread, some water, the midnight box, all of my papers, and various other scraps of metal that might come in handy.

Day 1: I'm currently locked in the closet. I started a campfire, but it quickly went out because we live underwater. I had some hot dogs, so I heated the area around me with some sass and boiled them. I would've been covered in burns, but I'm simply too chill. It was upon eating the third that I saw it ahead--what I had been looking for for so long. Well, not quite.....

It would lead me to what I was looking for: the Gift Chest.

For my whole life, I've searched for treasures and people that would help me with my life's quests; however, often the journey would change me, and it would no longer be what I needed. This wouldn't happen with the Gift Chest. Up to eight distinct gifts could be taken, and I'm positive that no matter what kind of man I am by my journey's end, I will find use for at least one of them.

It's hard to say what any of the gifts will be, but hopefully I'll find something I'm looking for. 

I stared at the box in my hand, as dark as a midnight with no moon and no end, with its ancient symbol boldly standing out on it. 

I am beginning a new segment, titled "The Log of General Magnus".

It is simply a crazy story presented day by day.

I will, ideally, release 1-3 days each day, and some may eventually include artwork.