mistersbeard.tumblr.com presents :
THE DDLG IDENTITY CRISIS: Figuring out who we are.
I get a lot of questions from people concerning something that I would like to call ddlg identity crisis.
This is something that happens when you know that you are into the lifestyle or attracted to it, but you can not quite figure out where you fit into it. You enjoy some elements of this… Some elements of that… But you can’t truly find your place because of the things that you see on other blogs, in other people’s postings and pictures, and the way that they act.
One way to get closer to the root of the answer you are searching for is a simple concept that is involved with in the lifestyle… And we will examine that concept in this post.
Most commonly within this lifestyle, there exists something called a regression age. This is the age at which you regress to in some way in order to feel little or that place you feel that you are when you are in little space. Commonly, it is a time that you regress to where things were more innocent and fun… And this typically takes place before something rather traumatic like divorce of parents, sexual abuse, death of a close loved one, mental issues, or anything else that could drastically change the behavior and coping ability of your brain.
BDSM lingo: “Little space” - The moment(s) in which you feel like you are little or an age drastically well before your current adult age. In this head space, you are inclined to mentally and emotionally be in the head space of a variety of moments in your life, and may take on tendencies or actions of a younger time.
With all of that in mind we will move on and discuss a few of the common roles that exist within our lifestyle. By roles… I mean most simply, the way that you identify yourself.
Another thing to understand is that this lifestyle, being ddlg, CGL, whatever you would like to call it… Is a subculture of BDSM in itself.
DD/lg - Daddy Dom & little girl
CG/l - Caregiver & little
Both of the cultures share the same elements and both of them differ greatly from one another at the same time. But the fact of the matter is that this lifestyle is a sub root of the original trunk, being the BDSM kink. A very adult lifestyle, for actual adults.
Therefore.. from the common standpoint, a little, middle, Prince, princess, and every other type of bottom in the relationship is submissive… While the daddy, Dom, and the one who tops or is in control, is by nature… dominant…. With the switch being a mix of both.
In little space, this is an age of regression that is most commonly found to be between the years of 2 and 5..rarely later, and hardly ever earlier.. Littles enjoy pacifiers, stuffies, coloring books, being cared for completely, wearing clothing and accessories indicative of a toddler/little girl, not having to make any decisions, mental approach, taking baths, eating baby foods and foods geared towards little girls, and otherwise engaging in activities that a typical 2 to 5 year old would enjoy. Its my personal opinion that someone cannot regress anywhere before the age of 2 or 3, because your cognitive memory and science just doesnt support it.
The abdl (adult baby diaper lover) little is very closely related to the typical little and may at times identify at a younger age depending on who they are. They enjoy diapers, being diapered, and in some cases using their diaper.. wearing onesies or other baby related articles of clothing… and doing more babyish things.
This goes for both boys and girls…and others who identify as both, none, etc. Anyone of any gender identity can fill these roles.
And before you scoff at this idea, know this: Without ABDL, there would be no DDlg or CG/l. ABDL began the entire movement and without them we would not exist. So next time you encounter one, thank them and be grateful for their groundbreaking accomplishments in allowing our community to come to be.
The middle will typically and commonly identify their middle space, or their regression age, as being between the ages of 5 and 10. The middle still enjoys some elements of the little space… Such as coloring books, using little plates and silverware, having a bath being administered to them… But they typically do not go for diapers, pacifiers, or other things that toddlers or younger ages might enjoy. The middle likes to be able to make a few decisions with supervision nearby… And she is confident that she can be on her own for short periods of time. She will typically dress a little bit older while still keeping that younger style at the same time. Very few middles still use a pacifier because in most cases they feel like they are little… but they are not drawn to those kinds of elements.
Most middles still keep a stuffie… Though they may not keep an army of them nor do they need their stuffie all the time for comfort. They may also occasionally revert back to little space having tantrums, playing with Daddy, or just basically finding a short amount of time to be in that space to engage in certain behaviors that satisfy them… But overall they spend their time in middle space when and if they regress.
The big/tween little/middle
Moving into an even older age bracket you will find the big little..tween little, who is basically between the ages of 10 and 15… And usually this is found within those adults who are in their late 20s or early 30s because they have progressed and grown inside. Most commonly they will not enjoy coloring or really any kind of little elements outside of owning a stuffie or being cared for and told what to do… Given rules… And things of that nature.
Keep in mind… I speak from a point of commonality. Not every little or middle and whatnot will be as I have described, its just most common for them to be those ways… And at the roots all of these roles stem out of the submissive / slave role.
Submissives are most commonly found in roles such as health care, Children’s Services, and other places where they can help others greatly while still being under authority. They enjoy serving in great capacity.
The DOM is a pure top(dominant) in the relationship and most typically and commonly operates himself with great discipline and strictness. Most of the time he will be very stern,cold, very to the point and exact, and will conduct himself in a manner in which he exudes complete control all of the time. The Dom will typically not mess with a little but more so go for those who exhibit themselves to be pure submissives, slaves, and so on. He doesn’t so much enjoy shopping for little things, cuddling and talking about stuffies, or watching Disney movies… But more so goes for the adult nature of the relationship. He probably will not make you a bottle, change your diaper, or be very forgiving if you do something that a toddler would do. He is more interested in stern discipline, stern structure, imposing himself in a way that proves and shows that he is an ultimate control, and will prefer total power exchange.
Keep in mind that not all doms are like this, but rather I speak from the point of commonality.
The Daddy/Mommy( daddy dom,caregiver, big)
The daddy finds his roots within the dom, but he has learned or cultured himself to be a lot more soft and forgiving. Typically he will enjoy things like cuddling, feeding you, catering to your needs, giving you a bath, buying you a stuffie and so on… While still instilling structure, rules and such, and other elements of the dom mental space into the relationship. A daddy is typically more nurturing and more lenient, understanding, and such. He will be strict but with limits… And is more prone to showing his soft side while still keeping control of the situation.
The daddy and the DOM and such are most commonly found in roles of management, self employment, military or law enforcement… construction and industry, and other places where they are either in control… Or have some form of control over others or themselves.
The switch is someone who enjoys a little bit of everything stated above. There are times when they prefer to be in control and top you… And there are other times when they prefer to be submissive and let go of that control to get their pleasure. There is no real set structure to the switch other than those elements of power reversal and trade. The switch can most commonly be found working in a position of authority or being responsible for something like family and the household at more times than others.
They are in so much control all of the time that they desire to let go of that control and be controlled themselves outside of where they are responsible.
and then there is simply role play… And this is where you enjoy the fetish side of the lifestyle, being the clothing/aesthetic, the actions, and other elements… But you do not feel that any of these roles are what you actually are. You simply engage in them for the kink and the playtime.
The Gemini crosses lines between one and the other because they are so closely related to each of the roles involve. They could be little/middle, middle/big, little/kitten, etc…
The kitten, puppy, etc… is a form of the lifestyle in which the submissive takes on the role of a pet. They typically desire to act like and be treated like some form of animal pet. I say it that way because that could range anywhere from being a kitten to being something large and unconventional. Its dependent on how they identity. They will also often own the associated gear or desire it… collars, ears, a tail, etc… when in playtime or their headspace, they will take on the mannerisms and behaviors of the pet they identify with.
So now that you have an understanding of the basic roles at the core of this lifestyle, where do you feel that you fit in?
Now I have figured out, but how do I address my partner?
One of the most common things that I get goes a little something like this:
Do I have to call him daddy? Can I call him something else? Can I use the term sir? Can a female be called daddy? Can my mommy be called daddy instead? Is she little… is she a princess? What about kittens and puppy play?
The simple fact is, you can do whatever you like and works for your relationship.
Whatever is comfortable for you is comfortable for you and that’s unique to your relationship. Daddy is simply a common catch-all term that is a little more specific and less generic than the caregiver term. Caregiver is typically used for those who dont want to gender conform, or take on the masculine pronoun associated with being dominant.
And since the most common aspect of this dynamic has to do with Daddy dom little girl… It just ends up becoming the generic term. But that’s okay if you want to call your daddy Sir, or something else of your choosing… And that’s something that should be discussed it together.
The other side of this is in females or mommies or what not calling themselves daddy. Which is totally fine of course. With today’s ever-changing exploration of our sexual selves along with an ever increasing list of gender identity, we tend to find that we are things other than what we thought we were earlier in our lives… Take transgender for example. Or those who identify as being pansexual, and what not.
If you are a female in the caregiver role and you feel like Daddy is a comfortable term for you then by all means use it… Because really when it comes down to it there’s no rules behind what you should be called. Nobody sat and wrote a grand rule book about everything and it was decided that everyone was going to follow it…
We simply fall into place along common means according to the culture and sub culture in which we live in. Once you get close to the basic area of finding where you fit in, thats when you can fine tune things to settle into your spot.
Thank you for enjoying and reading this. Reblog it if you feel others would benefit, and comment on where you find your identity. Hopefully you now have a more clear understanding of where it is you land.
DD/lg Basics: The Princess Journal
How to find the perfect Daddy
DD/lg Basics: THE MAD DADDY
littles 101: Spotting a BAD DADDY
Punishment: A gentlemans guide to discipline
Feel free to reblog for others.
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