party time pie

My friend got married yesterday and we missed the wedding because of work but we made it to the reception. Because its mid-September and the reception was in a nature center (awesome!) there was a little bit of a fall theme. Not overbearingly, but the tables all had these tiny pumpkins. 

So they’re cleaning up at the end of it and we’re still hanging out because we haven’t seen these people in forever and we can talk until three in the morning when we get together. All of a sudden, the Maid of Honor hands us a tiny pumpkin. 

“Take one.”

“Um… okay?”

“Take another.”

“….?”

“It is my duty as Maid of Honor to make sure that the guests leave with an uncomfortable number of tiny pumpkins.”

So it turns out that she’d gotten a bunch of them for a Halloween party last year and after the party was over her mom threw them into the compost heap thinking that would be the end of it. But what she didn’t seem to realize was that if you put pumpkins in a compost heap- it grows more pumpkins. It grows pumpkins exponentially. Serious mathematical anomaly pumpkins. 

So this year she has even more tiny pumpkins and she figured it would be a good idea to have them as decor for the reception. BUT- she would still have to throw them out at the end of the day and no matter where you throw them you are doomed to have a ridiculous amount of tiny pumpkins growing SOMEWHERE at your fault. 

take some of the flowers off her hands

help with some post-wedding stuff

watch the presidential debate

play Clue for like three hours

drink a lot of booze. 

And there are just… tiny pumpkins EVERYWHERE.

They were in the bathroom.

Three pumpkins ended up in my purse this time. 

One of them has a face. 

Well… no. 

It ended up being something like two and a half cans-ish. And that’s a really rough estimate. Turns out there’s a lot more meat on those things than you think there’d be. So I figured I could do something like double it and then make a half batch. 

But then I ran out of sugar. I mis-measured the baking soda. I only had whole cloves, so I had to grind them down and had to estimate how much I needed. I couldn’t find the liquid measure.

I’m mixing up this giant bowl of pumpkin batter goo thinking shit shit shit this is going to be a mess. There’s no way anyone is going to be able to eat these things. And there’s no muffin cups. But I already made it this far and I’m stubborn as hell so in the oven they go. 

I… kind of… forgot about them? Woops!

Place starts smelling like Yankee Candle and I’m like SHIT. Get over to the oven and… 

they’re… 

….somehow perfect?

Maybe a little dry, but they’re fucking delicious. Fucking magic pumpkins. Truly I am a witch. 

So the moral of the story is that if life gives you tiny pumpkins, make them into muffins and give them right back. 

We’ve found her in real life guys

An actul fictional character in real life

For some reason I’m still trying to understand, age play humiliation is one of my favorite things in the world. You may have picked up on that if you’ve read anything on this Tumblr The roller coaster of feelings, the burning in my cheeks and the head space it orbits me into is an intense experience.

Here are a few ways to keep your little one’s cheeks on fire subtly while out and about. For my fellow humiliation enthusiasts, your cheeks may be flushed after reading this.

Insist before leaving the restaurant that they use the bathroom, or at least sit on the potty & try to go. Bonus points if you remind them to wash their hands and flush afterwards.

When browsing Target, casually walk them through the toy & baby aisle, making subtle comments about items. For example “Aw look at that adorable headband, that would match your pretty little tutu”, “Look they have the same paci with Minnie Mouse on it like you have in the car”, & “Wow that’s a good price for wipes, especially at the rate I go through them cleaning you up”.

At a coffee shop, insist that they skip coffee & only get hot chocolate or tea. Remind them how coffee always makes their tummy bubbly & that you didn’t bring an extra pair of clothes if they have an accident.

Have them sit in the middle of the back seat of your car. Be sure to remind them the importance of safety while buckling their seat belt & turning on the child safety locks.

Ask them a simple question you both already know the answer to, such as “Can you tell me what color the car next to us is”, “What do we have to do before we eat? Do we have to wash our hands?” or “Can you tell me what that sign says, I know it’s a big word so sound it out like a big girl.”

Wear the adult-type things that they’re not allowed to use while little. Comment on how light your lacy panties feel, wear a tight pencil skirt & low cut collared shirt that reeks of adulthood, especially compared to the little wearing most likely dressed in a childish manner, or wearing a diaper you put them in earlier.

Mommies and Babysitters, put on your makeup & jewelry in front of your little girl, there is something about seeing a woman getting ready that reminds all of us of being left at home because we were too little to go out with the adults.

Ask them to use their phone then stop yourself short before giggling. “Oh silly me, I forgot you don’t have a phone anymore because if you lost your potty privileges, then you certainly don’t have phone privileges either.”

Before vs After Adoption

How to have a Pokemon Go date as a Caregiver/Little!

Preparation for the date…

Set up a CRAFT date before the event. This step is so cool, because you can literally make this as fun and as simple or complex as you want. Basically, you’re prepping your SQUAD! The cool thing about this is that once you make all this stuff, you won’t have to do it again, because it’ll be good to use for the rest of your Pokemon Go dates!

At places like Wal-Mart, Target, Michael’s or any other craft store, typically they sell plain things like blank hats/blank jackets/blank shirts/blank canvas shoes. You could even make matching bracelets. Pick a color–any color you guys agree on–and whatever you get, match with your Caregiver/little. Make sure it’s all comfortable enough to walk around/be outside in.

Get stuff to decorate them with, then decorate together! Get glitter/sparkles, fake bugs, glow in the dark paint–whatever you want, and decorate the apparel you got with these things, or make the bracelets.

As you decorate with your Caregiver/little, make your own Caregiver/Little Pokemon team together! Really put some thought into it! Come up with a Gym or Team name–regardless of whether you’re Flare/Mystic/Instinct! Coordinate the Pokemon you guys will use for your walking buddy and make up a team motto you can shout whenever you catch something!

Caregivers/Big Siblings: You can set up cool games with rules that you play every time you have a Pokemon Go date. Some examples:

EVERY time your little hatches an egg or gets items from a PokeStop, they have to say a specific phrase or perform an action, like patting their head, hopping on one foot, etc.

Make a scavenger hunt for them. 

Examples: Find a Pink Pokemon with brown tipped ears (Clefairy/Clefable)…Catch a Pokemon over 100/500/1000CP…Screenshot a PokeStop with an active lure…Get 5+ Items at a PokeStop, etc.

In order to get the best out of your Pokemon hunts, you may wanna do additional research on local nests/popular PokeStops in the area using a website like The Silph Road . It uses your location to list off where people have reported certain Pokemon–I also know people commonly use Facebook groups to record local outbreaks and such.

Prep Your Trainer Bag:

Phone battery packs or charging hookups - Make sure your phones aren’t dying on the go.

Blankets/Portable Chairs - In case you find a fruitful area, or some PokeStop clusters at a park you want to stay at, for a while.

Hand fans or umbrellas - To keep cool and stay shaded.

Sunscreen - Apply before and remember to reapply every two hours–especially if you’ve been sweating.

Water bottles, snacks or small candies–even if you’re going to stop and eat - Mind your blood sugar and always stay hydrated.

Hand Sanitizer - I like to get the ones I attach to my belt so I don’t have to carry it, but any will do. You never know if you’ll touch something gross.

Set an alarm or do something to remind you guys to check and make sure you’re self-aware. I set an alarm on my phone for every two hours to remind myself to reapply sunscreen and self-check. Are you hungry/thirsty/tired/sweating a lot or too much/feet hurt/check if your skin is dry or clammy, remind yourself to hydrate/snack, etc. Having lots of fun can make you forget sometimes.

Make a Pokemon Go music playlist! Whether it’s your favorite tunes or whatever, get ready to listen while you go!

On the Big Day…

Make a map or a list of all the places you wanna go/take your little for the day. Plan on how long you’ll be out, etc. This is where it’s cool, because you can always change how long, where you’ll go, if you’ll go lots of places or to just one park/area, etc. It always changes.

Decide when/where you’re gonna eat. Whether you want to eat at a place that has a PokeStop in it, if you wanna take a cooler/picnic basket, or if you wanna risk winging it. Regardless, you should still plan what time you’ll do that (eat/hunt/end, hunt/eat/end, hunt/eat/hunt/end, etc.) because it’ll help structure the day to let you get the most out of your hunt.

Take a stuffie or five along for the ride!

Remember Your Safety Tips:

Look around, note where you are at all times.

Note the amount of people/lack of people around.

Don’t stray too far from each other. I know the Cubone is just over there, but don’t ever lose sight of your Caregiver/little.

Don’t litter.

If other players are out, it’s cool to be friendly with a “Hey! Catch anything good?” “Yeah, we saw some Pikachu that way!”–but mind when people get too friendly. Don’t let anyone “see your phone”, don’t let them take you to “exclusive spots” for Pokemon, watch them very carefully if they wanna walk with you. Not worth it.

Don’t go alone. You could, but…why? It’s not worth it to me, I know some people don’t care, but…idk. Better safe than sorry. You could even do all this with a regular friend so unless it’s walking to your local gas station that’s under a mile’s distance, I just wouldn’t.

Diamond Crusher Lip Toppers

Choke | Strip

Lit   |  Fluke

Dope | Acid Fairy