before your sand runs out

girl files for bankruptcy after ordering 2 margaritas

I love seasonal fruits they’re like girl we’re back lol

hook hand in unloveable car door

babe I'm sorry cant do the dishes tonight my toxic masculinity is flaring up

aplatonic aromantic asexual polycule

coworkers

post-email aftercare like that was a great email and you seemed so normal

i wish that we were still uptown funking it up and not whatever this is

we uptown fucked it up

having a pet is insane... there is a guy on my floor

your honor, in my defense: who cares like omfggggggggg who cares???????????? like. come On

Setting up Face ID with a cigarette in my mouth so the FBI has to bum me one if they want to break into my phone