Hi Tumblr, I'm Dad

I used to be really indecisive, but now I’m not so sure...

Monorail enthusiasts have one-track minds.

Whether it’s pancakes or baseball, the most important thing is the batter.

The field of archaeology is in ruins. 

If you think my jokes are average than you’re just being mean.

Haunted elevators always lift my spirits.

Y’know, a burial plot is the last thing I need.

I used to own an origami business, but after a few years it folded.

I hate negative numbers and I will stop at nothing to avoid them.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

You’ll get exhausted running behind a car, but you’ll get tired running in front of it.

I’d like to take a moment to thank my arms for always being by my side.