madmatt

my body aches

i’m exhausted

my right shin struggles to carry the weight of my right side

the cut under my finger nail stings

i feel all the pressure points of my feet

18k steps and then 24k the next day

i don’t hate working

my mind does well with managing multiple task and stations and then some

maybe if things are going well i can make you a coffee

my busser team is slow though

inefficient and also unable to foresee

the restaurant sucks too

understaffed, meh pay, no free food, LONG nights of hauling ass because people don’t like moving with purpose or lifting heavy things

i digress

i like feeling appreciated for my work so i stay

that and i have few job options at the moment

i have a weird feeling of loyalty to the seemingly sinking ship of a place, and my coworkers.

i was there when we opened, and i feel like since we’ve opened i’ve been running around bailing water and patching holes

the motto from the start was

“we’re building a ship while flying it”

real quote by a manager btw

i’m fortunate enough to not need a job to live. but a friendly coworker of mine has a kid. and i know many others have family to depend on, and themselves to provide for.

the weird feeling of going through grueling hell together waiting for the days where at least no more water is falling on your head, while you try to dig your ankles out

i started a savings plan

my friends think i can’t do it

i like friends who keep it real but sometimes people can be harsh in their doubt

i think they doubt i can be rich

do they know i dream of improving all our lives?

i feel like people never see the bigger picture

or maybe their pictures could just be bigger

i feel like i’ve always been silently taught to think small with my expectations of others and in myself

i’ve been seeking more emotional control

i think that’s where a lot of groundedness in other things come from

as long as i keep moving with the intention of bettering and success

i’m moving in the right direction

i hope

4/20 concert- nyc