Hoping My Feelings~ They Would Drown~

As Josh drove, he felt a calm taking over him– like he could drive with Amanda in his passenger’s seat for a long time. It was very comfortable and nice to just hear her talking and being able to focus on pretty much nothing else. “Biochemistry, huh? I hope you’re okay with me knowing essentially nothing about all of that. I took an epidemiology elective in college, but it was an elective and my knowledge starts and ends there. Well, I should say– it starts and ends with what I’ve retained since then, which probably isn’t a lot.” He smirked playfully before letting Amanda continue about Liam and Nikki. She included their names right away, rather than saying “my friend” and “my friend’s boyfriend”, which Josh found both helpful and endearing. “Wait, wait. He actually said they’d just had sex?” He asked with an incredulous chuckle. “That’s really weird. I can see why you were put off. Does she just tend to go for that kind of guy?” Josh asked, remembering some of his female friends in college would just consistently pine after absolute assholes. “You’re right, this feels like a pretty big event,” his smirk transformed into a wide smile as he put on his blinker to turn into the restaurant parking lot.

Amanda looked at Josh kind of amused; she really just liked all of this: his good looks, the way he talked and what he talked about. He always knew what to say. And it was just two days that they knew each other and he had managed to turn her into a day-dreamy kind of girl, thinking of fate and what-not. “I hope you’re okay with....”, she started her sentence the same way he did, “....me showing you stuff about biochemistry and talk about it?”, she said with a smile. “Technically...well...he told me that he was going out to work out...”and it’s not like we didn’t work out enough today, right babe”, she tried to imitate Liam’s voice but it was unsuccessful, so she sighed dramatically. “Right?? Right??”, she waved her arms in the air. “Apparently?”, she furrows her eyebrows, “I mean...I don’t know? She kind of has...a history with her previous...serious relationship back in High School”, she feels her heart dropping to her stomach and she hates that. “It’s a sad and long story and...”, she frowns at that, not sure if she could share more than that. “I thought it wasn’t that serious with this new guy but apparently...what do I know”, she looks down at her fingers. “And that’s what I told her; thankfully I’m not the one dating him”, she shrugs. “It is, isn’t it?”, she looks outside the window of the car to check where they were going; a smile on her lips, trying to shake off everything. The Jake situation always shook her up somehow. No matter how long time has passed.

Melody couldn’t help but feel like she was staring a bit too wide-eyed as Victor spoke. It was so weird to see him sitting in front of her again, and she was having a hard time taking it all in. “Oh my gosh, really? I want to hear all about it!” She said excitedly, quite curious to hear all the details she’d missed about his life since they’d last spoke. “Wow, you really did just get in. Did you miss it? Have you been back to all our old hang out spots yet?” She grinned as memories of the two of them eating In N Out while parked at the beach or hiking in Malibu came flooding back. Though she had obviously made new friends in the recent years, she realized that the void Victor had left never really became filled by anyone else, so now that he was here again, there was something inside of her that felt reborn in a way. 

It took Victor a couple of seconds to realize that Melody was staring at him like that. He pulled his lower lip between his teeth and then smiled; maybe she was just letting everything sink in. It doesn’t happen very often to just meet old friends in coffee shops that you haven’t seen since High School, do you? “Maybe another time? It’s a long story. I have lots of them since I’ve been working behind the counter a little too long”, he chuckled, waving his hand. Her next questions do take him off guard, cause he barely had time to think about it? Maybe he missed it? Maybe he wasn’t aware that he was in L.A just yet. “My mind is somewhere else for sure...”, he laughed absent-mindedly. “My body is here with you in L.A”, he nodded. “So, I don’t know if I have missed it yet. I didn’t have the time to do anything else other than be in my family house and searching for jobs via my laptop”, he made a small pause. “But you can take me to our usual hang out spots? All in good time?”, he said to her with a smile.

Melody: Okay, sweet! I'm free both Saturday and Sunday, so just let me know when.

Melody: Yeah, I've heard of it! I haven't seen it before though so that's perfect

Victor: Hmm maybe Saturday afternoon? I'll come by after work! I can bring chips!

Victor: Awesome!!! I haven't either, but I really want to.

Nikki resurfaced, bringing her head above the water and brushed the hair out of her face before turning to face the siblings behind her again. Hearing Amanda say something about not getting in the pool with her made her scrunch her nose. She swam toward the edge and rested her shoulders and chin on the pavement near her friends’ feet. “You sure you don’t want to get in the pool to escape having to hear Henry talk about Bella any more?” She said to Amanda, despite looking at Henry while saying it, her voice sounding much more caustic than she originally intended. “How is the princess anyway? Is she coming out for your birthday?” Nikki asked, tilting her head. After the words left her mouth, she was worried that Henry would catch wind of her and Amanda’s plans for the birthday party. Immediately, her eyes darted toward Amanda, as if to ask if she’d revealed too much somehow.

Henry had definitely regretted mentioning Bella. Mostly because of Nikki’s reactions at the moment and less about Amanda. He was so used to his sister just throwing hints of how much she didn’t like covering for him, when he was hanging out with Bella. Not that he has ever pushed her or she disagreed on covering for him. “Oh my God”, Henry gasped as Nikki mentioned Bella again and looked at her, widening his eyes, knowingly, trying to motion her to stop. But apparently, this has just started. “I knew that she’d be back in Chicago during the summer but I don’t know now. We haven’t talked the last couple of months”, he pouted and looked away, not really wanting to look at neither his sister or his...what was Nikki to him now? “I don’t even know if I want to do anything for my birthday this year”, he sighs as he turns to look at Nikki, again. 

Amanda tried to follow what was happening; what Henry was saying-what Nikki was saying and in midst of all this she wanted to bash on Bella.  Widening her eyes as her friend mentioned something but didn’t dare to look at her, so that it wouldn’t seem like they had actually talked about it. She stared at Henry as he replied to Nikki and raised her eyebrow, contemplating whether they should invite her to the party and create havoc. And maybe rekindle the flame. Finally turning to look at Nikki, just to glare at her for almost revealing something they had just started planning. “I have seen her on the mall; she’s here”, she hums and doesn’t know what to say next because she would reveal something important about the party. “Right like...you always say that”, she turns to her brother and sits up to poke him. 

Liam: I *was* referring to the bride, although you're probably right. Don't Maids of Honor usually have lots of responsibilities?

Riley: Oh my god....sorry? I just didn't understand from the context of it?

Nikki let out a gasp as Henry’s pace changed, feeling quite overwhelmed as he finished. As he rolled over, she covered her face with her hands and began laughing. The rush of endorphins was undoubtedly contributing to her giggly state, but the reality of what had just ensued was becoming more clear. Still giggling a little bit, she propped herself up on her elbows and turned to face Henry. “That was… wow,” she bit her lip to keep from grinning widely. She didn’t want him to worry that her laugh was anything other than shock and unbridled joy, so she rolled over slightly to lean her arms and chin on his chest, looking up at him. “I can’t believe that just happened,” she smirked, hoping that he was also feeling similarly satisfied and enamored. 

Nikki turned on her heels as Henry pointed out that there was still more shopping for them to do, a bit embarrassed that she forgot. “Oh, right!” She said, pulling out her phone to look at the time. After their little tryst in the dressing room, there were only 30 minutes left to get to the restaurant to meet Amanda and Josh. “I think we’ll have to go shopping another day,” she smirked. “We don’t want to be late and give those two any ideas about what we were doing,” a giggle escaped her lips as she finished that sentence. She began toward the checkout line once again, trying to hide how much she was blushing. Upon reaching the register, she set the items on the counter and waited rather impatiently for the woman to scan each one. Nikki’s heart was still beating rapidly and she was anxious for another opportunity to be with Henry again– just like when they were younger. The employee seemed to pick up on the impatience and Nikki explained, “Sorry, we’re just in a bit of a hurry to get to dinner,” and with that, she ceased tapping her fingers on the counter. 

Things had definitely changed between them; that is something that he had been saying for the last couple of years. He was still in denial that right before Nikki left for college, their relationship changed. And now, after seeing her the first time after a couple of years compared to how they were now, things were different. Situations were acknowledged. But he just couldn’t connect the dots with what was happening with Liam at the moment. Why was Nikki acting like this? Were they breaking up or something so Henry just became the push of that? If that was true, Amanda would stop mentioning Liam every now and then wouldn’t create a plan for him and Penny to date; which again, he had to excuse it in his head somehow that in this fake scenario...maybe, just maybe they weren’t serious.

He didn’t stop looking at her, as he followed, even if it kind of surprised him as she turned around. Pouting thoughtfully, at “not giving them any ideas”, he held himself not to start laughing. ‘Cause Amanda knew. She knew and she had an idea of what might happen with them, if they were left alone.  And of course, later on, just to inspect what happened...to arrange that dinner. “Nothing  really happened, Nicolette”, he smirked at her, right before they reached the cash register and stepped away, closer to the entrance. But he had noticed Nikki’s impatience right before and, he really just wished he could be in her head sometimes. Even if....if he were in her shoes at this point, he would understand. She doesn’t know that Amanda knows or that Penny is their cousin. Either or....he found it completely endearing and kind of guiltily enjoyed it.

Nikki could feel the adrenaline coursing through her veins as Henry unzipped her dress yet again. What a complicated predicament this was; and yet she couldn’t stop herself from getting totally wrapped up in it. His teasing, ‘We’ll see,’ managed to drive her even more mad because it was so unlike him to be so coy. Usually she was the chased and he was the chaser in their dynamic, and the shift left her even more flustered and head over heels. As she redressed herself in the clothes she arrived in, she wondered just how she was going to sit through an entire dinner with Amanda and Josh while keeping her hands off of him. That felt very unlikely, if not downright impossible at that point. Putting the dress back on its hanger, she took a moment staring in the mirror to try and recollect herself. Sighing and shaking her head at her reflection, she opened the curtain and met Henry on the outside. “Well, we should probably check out,” she smiled, purposefully standing quite close to him before walking ahead toward the checkout line.

During the long minutes that Henry waited for Nikki to come out of the dressing room, Henry tried to re-evaluate of what was happening at this point. And if he was completely honest with himself, how much he could hold himself so that he wouldn’t end up in a different bedroom in the end of the night, other than his. He didn’t realize that he was looking down all this time until Nikki appeared and stopped slouching against the wall. “Sure”, he says and the closeness between them becomes unbearable for those couple of seconds. He follows her immediately like he was a magnet. “Of course we are forgetting what I’m going to wear and what you will be choosing for Amanda and Josh? Right?”, he finally reaches her and walks in front of her. “Or we will have another shopping day as the honorary testing couple of this wedding?”, he smiles,and his tone is beyond teasing.

Melody’s eyes widened and without thinking she stuck out her tongue and blew a raspberry in her friend’s direction. Unfortunate tic, she thought slightly embarrassed even though she knew that Riley never judged her for her occasional tics. “Sorry,” she mumbled beginning to tap the side of her cheek rhythmically over and over again to hopefully counteract any more from showing up. She continued to tap as she spoke. “I was going to say that I don’t have a crush on him, but of course now it really looks like I do,” she shook her head and laughed a little bit. “I’m just excited that he’s back? I think? Asking him to move in was one hundred percent just a platonic thing though. If. you needed a place to stay, I’d do the same for you!” She clarified, still tapping her cheek. As she spoke she felt her phone buzz. “Oh God, speaking of…” she said as she picked it up and saw who the message was from. Showing it to Riley, clear as day, it was Victor texting. “I’ll wait to reply of course, but that timing though,” she rolled her eyes and tried to calm her speeding heart.

Riley watched her friend react and sucked on her lower lip, thinking that she was getting cuter and cuter. “It really really does”, Riley nods, her smile still there, she now wants to just refrain from giggling. “And I really really get that”, she says and then realizes that she says “really” a lot. “I get that...but...I bet you wouldn’t blush to Victor, when you’d tell him. I met Riley; My old High School friend and offered to come move in with me”, she tries to imitate Melody’s voice and mannerisms but she ends up giggling with how cute everything was. She widens her eyes slightly, as Melody shows her the text.  “Awww”, she exclaims. “See...you’ve had to mention him to me, to text you”, she pokes her friend’s shoulder playfully.  “I think that it would be super nice to have a roomate around. You’ll never be alone, if he actually agrees”

Nikki was waiting for her nails to dry and finishing up a YouTube video when she heard Amanda’s doorbell chime. “I got it!!” She yelled loud enough for the whole house to hear, even though it was likely assumed that she would be the one to get the door. She tossed her phone onto the bed and bounded out of her room and toward the front door to greet her best friend. “You really don’t have to yell that loud, we all know it’s Amanda,” Violet rolled her eyes from the living room couch as Nikki arrived at the front door. Before opening it, Nikki made a silly and annoyed face to her sister, who of course returned the gesture. 

Just then, Nikki’s mom, Evelyn poked her head out of her office and looked at the silhouette of Amanda in the doorway. “Is it five already? Shoot, I haven’t even thought about dinner. What do you ladies think about ordering pizza?” Evelyn asked, striding out of the room and looking at her watch, somewhat flustered. She was an author, very much in the throes of writing her latest book and tended to lose track of time during the day if she was working. Nikki shrugged and said, “It’s good with me!” Violet piped up from the living room, “Fine, but can you please order one with less cheese for me?” Evelyn and Nikki rolled their eyes in unison, knowing that it wouldn’t be a dinner without Violet piping up about some complication she would like added or taken away from the meal. 

As Evelyn headed into the kitchen to place an order, Nikki finally opened the door for her friend. “Hello, gorgeous, and happy Saturday!” Nikki smiled brightly as she opened the door to see her friend, “Oh, good, you brought popcorn. You’re always so good with snacks,” She laughed, pulling Amanda inside. “Sorry, we were trying to figure out dinner, and my mom decided to order pizza. Don’t worry, it’s just gonna be the usual!” she closed the door, and began to head back to her room. Usually, on nights where Nikki’s dad was working and Evelyn was left to provide dinner, pizza was the go-to, and since Amanda was over many of these nights, it was nothing out of the ordinary. 

“So, what’s on the agenda tonight? Anything interesting going on? Any new movies to watch?” Nikki asked. Amanda was usually much more organized and better with planning than her, and though Nikki could just pull things for them to do out of thin air, she liked to see what her friend had in mind first. 

Amanda listened to Nikki’s mom’s and sister’s voices behind the door and she looked down smiling. She caught half of what they were saying, but it still made her smile. As the door was finally opened, her face lit up. “Happy Saturday”, her voice chimed, as she walked in and leaned in to hug her friend. “Pizza’s awesome”, she said loud enough for Evelyn to hear that and looked around. She made a few steps towards Nikki’s bedroom, smiling at Nikki’s compliment onher choice of snacks. “Hey Mrs Sumner-Violet”, she greeted them , not sure from where they were going to appear from. She sucked on her lower lip. “Yeah, I’m covering for Henry, tonight”, she whispered. “But, as for movies-I really want to watch Legally Blonde again. Not sure why”, she said louder at that and widened her eyes, motioning Nikki; she was almost sure that Nikki got that=it definitely meant her nagging-gossiping on Bella, the new girlfriend of her brother’s.

Melody: I'm free whenever! Well, I mean weeknights after work and weekends.

Melody: Of course it's okay! ❤️ I feel like I haven't watched a whole lot of TV recently, so any show you want would be good :)

Victor: Great. :) I can come over this weekend?

Victor: What about....hmmm

Liam: I'm sure she'll be too busy at the wedding to worry about me anyway, so that's a relief.

Riley: I don't really know you that well, Liam. But.

As Josh drove, he listened to Amanda talk and did his best to keep up his promise of showing that he was listening by letting out an “Awww,” or shaking his head every few moments. He definitely was interested in what she was saying though, and could already feel himself loving the sound of her voice. “Well, I’m very selfishly glad that you don’t want to leave Chicago any time soon, but alas – I’m biased.” He chuckled, trying to lighten her mood a little bit. “But I’m sorry you didn’t get into that school. There are plenty of other ones here though, or even online ones. I think it’s too early to give up on medicine just yet, personally,” he shrugged. Reaching a stoplight, he had the chance to look over at her for a longer moment, since he couldn’t help it. She really did look great, but he turned away quickly so as not to come off creepy. “Why isn’t he good for her? Do you just get weird vibes from him?” He asked, curious about what qualities she found in this man that were so off-putting. “My day was rather uneventful up until now. I worked an early morning shift, talked to you on the phone after I got home, hung around, eventually got ready, and now I’m here! Sorry there’s not a more intriguing story about my day,” He laughed, stealing another glance at Amanda, despite trying his best to keep his eyes on the road. 

Amanda has a lot of thoughts, as Josh talks. She doesn’t want to talk about fate; she should stop thinking of all that and jinxing it. But, she was almost manifesting into making that thing with Josh something that would last into the future? She knew for a fact that all this turned out for her to stay in Chicago, because she did feel a tiny bit jealous (never was going to admit it) of ...mostly NIkki leaving but...things were turning around. And this thing with Josh had just started. So, she closed her eyes, and tried to push everything away. “I’m biased...together with you”, it’s the only thing that she could admit and it probably said everything. “Yeah, I might need to do more research. In other news, I might need to search for something else, as well. Be a Biochemist or something”, she hums; hopefully she wouldn’t push herself into searching   right at this point. She rolls her eyes; it’s clear....the thought of Liam and even Liam & Nikki annoys her a lot. “It’s not only the vibes, per se”, she answers and turns to look at him. “I just...can’t shake off the fact that he basically introduced himself like: “Hi. This is Liam. Nikki’s new boyfriend. This is my big great apartment that’s so great and much more awesome than Nikki’s. Oh and also, we just had sex”, she taps her knees lightly but abruptly; still can’t believe she had to live through that.”I’ve said a lot of things too. I shouldn’t have judged her like that”, she finally pouted and looked away from Josh. That a couple of seconds later, Josh started talking about his day. So, she had to turn around and look at him. Again. “It’s okay, though. I doubt it was uneventful but at the same time, I’m glad it’s about to change”, a small smirk playing on her lips, as she started looking ahead.

Nikki had to pull away from the kiss to bite her lip out of fear of squealing too loud. Although she knew there was no one to hear it, she still felt a bit self conscious of just how much she was enjoying herself. With her hand, she reached down to squeeze Henry’s hand that was on her thigh. His pace continued to be just what she wanted, as if their bodies were so in sync that he was able to predict her desires. “Oh my God, Henry,” she whimpered in his ear before slowly tracing a line down his neck with her tongue. 

Nikki set down her drink and bit her thumbnail as Henry and Amanda spoke. She was more expecting Henry to talk about her in some thinly veiled way, just as she had done about him moments earlier, rather than have him speak about some girl who was real, let alone someone she knew. Trying not to look too annoyed was difficult, as her emotions usually sat right on her face. “Wow, Bella? No offense Henry, but it’s time to broaden your horizons,” she rolled her eyes, hoping that Amanda would read it as an agreement with her, rather than jealousy. “Anyway,” Nikki huffed, standing up abruptly, “I’m going to get in the pool,” and with that she took off her dress to reveal her bathing suit– not the same one as the night before, but similar enough.  Without looking back, she walked over to the water and jumped in. She felt stupid for assuming that Henry wasn’t seeing anyone back in New York, but she needed to stop letting that bother her so much. As the water rushed over her, she did her best to reassure herself that this was just a summer fling. 

Henry is kind of taken by surprise by the way she looks at him? He doesn’t think Nikki would react so abruptly; trying to not look at her as much and...suddenly he doesn’t know if it’s better to look at Amanda that was glaring at him. “Wow...Bella”, he repeats Nikki’s words, feeling his heart beating faster, as he turned back at her. “It isn’t a big deal”, he lowers the tone of his voice, clearly confused, and also deep down hoping he didn’t fuck anything up. He was all about Nikki at the moment and he didn’t want to ruin that. His heart skips a beat as Nikki pulls the dress off of her and sucks on his lower lip, looking at Amanda again.

Amanda couldn’t agree more with her friend and she still couldn’t believe that: “I don’t think I’m gonna jump in the pool today”, she hollered at her friend and turned to her brother. “Stop asking that question again and again”, she nagged.  “You fucked up; you shouldn’t have been with Bella”, Amanda says and Henry widens his eyes, like he has done actually done something wrong, but he wasn’t with Nikki then. He calms down after a second....neither of them, had the right to judge right? Okay, maybe Nikki a little...But Amanda continues: “Of all people though”, she pouts.

Melody drew her feet up under her, a bad habit she’d yet to break, and sipped her coffee as she listened to Victor. Though part of her felt like they were picking right up where they left off, another part of her was upset that there was so much of his life that she didn’t know now. She let the whirlwind of college life sweep her up, and unfortunately this friendship had sort of slipped through the cracks. “Nope, it’s still the same number– feel free to text me whenever.” She smiled and looked down. “Oh, work is work. It is my dream job, I can’t lie, but sometimes it’s still hard or boring or the coworkers get on my nerves, you know. The break-room has great snacks though, so that’s a plus!” She paused for a moment, taking in VIctor’s facial expressions. “How’s work here? Is it full-time or…?” Her voice trailed off. She figured that this wasn’t Victor’s long-term plan, but she didn’t know how to word it without sounding presumptuous. 

Victor leaned slightly on the table, placing his elbows on it. “Oh I will, then”, and suddenly, he felt so lucky about it. That Melody was there and most importantly, willing to hang out with him. His smile grew bigger, as he listened to her talk. A giggle escaped from his lips; almost childish, as she mentioned the snacks. “Definitely a plus”, he nodded at that. “And of course, most people have problems with their colleagues. I can tell you all about my previous workplace and...a certain colleague of mine”, he pouted. “Thankfully, that is all behind me”, he smiled. Taking a deep breath, he looked down for a long second. “It is great. It hasn’t been a week since I started”, he said raising his head to look at her. “It’s full-time, yes. I really need to save some money till I figure out what I can do next. Because honestly, I have no idea”, he shook head.

Melody laughed, “Well it’s a good thing you’re in your position then, and not anyone else’s! Now you can just sit back and see what happens.” She ran her hands through her hair, admittedly also very excited to see how it all played out for her friend’s sake. She was also glad that she’d get the chance to meet him when they went out for karaoke, so that she could see if he was a good fit for Riley or not. “Yeah, yeah, I think he is back for good! He’s staying with his parents for now and working at a coffee shop so… I may have told him he could stay with me if he wanted until he found his own place? In the spare bedroom, obviously. I just felt so bad, I mean his parents are great but we were both so excited to move out for college, I remember, and now he’s back. I don’t know. He hasn’t texted me about it yet, so it may not even happen,” she rambled, blinking hard a few times as she sped through her words. She knew that Riley wasn’t the type to judge, but still, she was a bit worried that it would happen. 

Riley had to admit that Melody was right. She wouldn’t want to be involved in Liam’s drama, but still, she could hear about it. She had started feeling worried for him...and that annoyed her a bit, because she barely knew him. And here she was...having more feelings about him. She smiled widely, as Melody started talking about him; it was quite clear that Mel has missed her friend. She wasn’t going to talk about the blush (because it was mainly so cute on her), but when she mentioned him moving in with her, she clenched her jaw, in an attempt for it not to drop, when it did anyway. “Okay”, she gasped and sat up. “First, either or he comes to live here, he comes to the karaoke with us...and second, “, she widened her eyes, “You have to admit it is a rare occurance that we are both crushing on people. It’s either me or you. If I remember correctly”, she tried to keep herself from giggling but it was kind of inevitable.  “Now, we’ll just meet and both have news and gushing about people”, she giggled. “I’m pretty sure, he’ll text. I have a feeling about it”, she touched her friend’s shoulder reassuringly, before pulling away. “Maybe he just needs time to get settled or something?”