Inside My Head

“You can’t spend the rest of your life being afraid of people rejecting you, and you have to start by not rejecting yourself, you don’t deserve it. From now on, people can either accept you for who you are or they can fuck off.”

You’d lose your mind trying to understand mine

Perhaps we’ll meet again when we’re better for each other.

Maybe it’s just me. But I notice if someone missed a spot with a straightening iron and I wonder if they were in a rush. Or just tired. Or their hair wasn’t cooperating. I notice if someone wears the same jacket everyday and I wonder if it’s their favorite. Or it was a gift. Or they lost their other one that they liked better. I notice if someone’s eyes look a little brighter and I wonder if they’re having a good day. Or someone complimented them. Or their significant other told them they love them. I notice if someone forgot to do their homework and I wonder if it just slipped their mind. Or they were busy. Or they were distracted by something really good or bad. I notice if someone always writes but never speaks and I wonder if they’re shy. Or they’re always lost in their thoughts. Or they’re going through things and write to get their emotion out. I notice if someone looks sad and I wonder if they’re going through a breakup. Or their parents are fighting. Or they’re having a hard time with school. I notice if someone checks their phone regularly without doing anything on it and I wonder if they’re waiting for something. Or wishing someone would text them. Or merely wanting to leave class already. I notice if someone doesn’t eat and I wonder if they’re sick. Or they’re upset. Or they have a fear of gaining weight. I notice if someone always wears long sleeves and I wonder if they really like sweaters. Or are always cold. Or have something to hide. I notice if someone pays attention to someone/something else and I wonder if they like them/it. Or if they’re daydreaming. Or if they are wondering about it. I notice if someone doesn’t notice me and I wonder if it’s because people tend to look away when someone realizes they’re looking. Or there’s no “little thing” that I always do. Or I’m just not a pretty sight to see. And I notice if someone only talks to me when they need something. And I wonder if I’m actually their friend. Or just someone to use. Or just another blank face with a blank history. But sometimes… Sometimes, I notice all of these things. And I wonder why no one seems to notice them in me.

The world has changed you. In past lives, you were a crumbling hillside, a fractured bone, a sobbing mother. Stupid girl. You weep for all the broken homes you have been, the tired faces you have made. How can you not see how you have evolved? I looked at you today, and saw that you are no longer an eye out of socket. You are the plot of land I grew up on, the shattered piece of glass lodged in my foot. When did you become so powerful? Stop trying to lock your heart away; it is too heavy to be carried away over night. Stomp you feet at those who are not patient enough to sit and watch you grow like grass. Then clap your hands for them because they were not burdened by seeing you in the form of cracking dirt. Watch yourself and see that you are not broken anymore. You are a shape shifter, and that is nothing if not beautiful.