A forklift to maneuver through my tonnage of emotional debris

Happiness for me would be my existence having a greater meaning to myself than to people around me.

Nothing has any meaning other than the meaning you supply. That concept alone should make me feel free but instead it weighs me down. It leaves me with the burden of finding my own meaning.

I love patterns. I love finding them and I’m a creature of habit. But being able to quickly recognize patterns in people makes it hard for me to trust anyone. Not being able to take a person’s word at face value required me to focus on other things such as their actions, mannerisms, tone, etc. These patterns aren’t ever noticed right away. Initially these solitary events are just that. It doesn’t feel like anything at first individually. But once the event happens repeatedly, you put it all together and wham! You subconsciously realize these events were hurtful. Now you associate everything involved in that pattern, the sequence of actions, with that hurt. As human beings we are full of patterns. I mean it’s essentially classic conditioning. We do it without even realizing it.

I can’t feel bad for not being a forgiving person. We’re not even designed that way. Self preservation. When you think about it, we’re a weak species. We try to go against our instincts. The stove burns us and we somehow don’t learn not to touch it again.

I mean, being/having a twin would still be cool. But I remember a time before science where twins happened because they ran in the family. Not because a couple had infertility issues and had twins/multiples accidentally/purposely die to IVF..etc.

They say don’t settle but then they say be grateful. Appreciate what you have instead of looking for an alternative.

No apologies here that I can’t and won’t do that. How we advance as a society and as a person is by not settling for what is and striving for what isn’t. Settling is some bullshit concept people have come up with to make you feel better about your shitty situation. Its supposed to make you content but never happy.

Well, sorry to break the news but there’s a reason we’re no longer cave men. People evolve. Science and technology evolve. Thoughts, dreams and desires, yeah, they all evolve too. I’m grateful that a horse and buggy wasn’t enough and someone was optimistic enough to think we could study space and create cures to diseases.