to be so lonely

It was a simple statement, even if it was more direct than the guy’s previous words, but it still felt big to Camden. Of course it was an overstatement, but acceptance had not been easy to find. Attraction… Well, he wasn’t used to being anyone people noticed. And that was fine, but it made the words hit a little harder. “I mean… I’ve died of embarrassment about, like, a million times. Death wouldn’t be enough to escape me,” he explained with a goofy smile, cheeks flushed entirely. His breath stuttered momentarily when Conrad grabbed his shoulder, but returned to normal in just enough time to take in where the brunette was pointing. “Kitchen,” he nodded as though that was enough of a response, only to realize it answered no question. “Yes! Pots and pans are in there. C’mon, I’ll show you.” Cam motioned for the other to follow before walking into the admittedly underwhelming kitchen area, overly clean due to a lack of use. “Right down here,” he stated, squatting down to open the cabinet full of mismatching baking ware. It was an investment that his dad hoped would get him on the right track, but had remained practically untouched since the move. “How big d’you need?” The question was asked while he stared at the unfamiliar metal pieces, but he looked back over his shoulder for the answer.

It was hard to pull Conrads gaze away from Camden—Camden just naturally had an effect over Conrad. “Oh, so you're immortal, huh? Good to know, guess we better start planning weekly dinners for the rest of eternity,” he chuckled at himself and then followed closely behind the boy as he watched him look through the cabinet to look at all the cookware. “Oh, how big can you give me?” He peered down at Camden and leaned back against the counter behind him, setting the bag of food down as he licked his lips, “I think just a medium sized pot is fine—just cooking rotini pasta, and a large pan to sauté some veg—you have a strainer?” he asked, tilting his head to the side a bit. 

“Of course there’s different strains,” Phoenix replied with a smile. “There’s different types of cigarettes, right? The same applies to weed, except weed is obviously more natural,” he replied with an affirming nod. “That would be awesome, actually. Don’t worry about money, though, you can come by anytime to chill and smoke.”

“Oh, okay, sweet,” Conrad nodded his head and listened along to Phoenix’s comparison. It made a lot of sense. “You should sell this stuff, dude, legally of course—be a salesman,” he chuckled and then he felt his cheeks blush at Phoenix telling him not to worry about the money, “Are you sure, dude? It’s the least I could do..”

Randall wasn’t used to being around someone so nervous; he debated on quickly coming up with a new excuse so he could leave, but as he sat down beside the nervous guy, he noticed this spot was a good place to scope things out. He wasn’t sure how well this would go, though, for Conrad Baggs seemed to be conversing with him more than he initially imagined. “Interesting reference. I’m Randall,” he replied, deciding not to share his last name as he shook his hand. Randall wasn’t one to easily share personal information, after all. “Uh … What were you working on, before I .. interrupted.” He asked, nodding his head toward the notebook in Conrad’s lap.

Conrad was worried maybe he said a little bit too much. His cheeks were on the verge of being as red as a tomato before the guy said his name was Randall. Randall. “Randall,” he tried out the name as he spoke softly, and he looked at the guy, really looked at Randall and he found himself smiling. Randall was a pretty handsome guy, “It’s nice to meet you,” he nodded towards the guy and then his lips parted in a little oh, “well, I was just working on some notes for my class, photography stuff, you know anything about it?” He asked, tilting his head to the side a bit. There was something peculiar about Randall. 

While she was working hard moments before not to launch into her pitch, Teri can’t help herself as he asks more questions as he asks more questions about their music. “Well we have a few songs out right now, but our album comes out at the beginning of August!” she explains, unable to hide her excitement. They’ve been working on their first album for years, which has proved difficult with five perfectionists, and Teri can’t wait for the world to hear us. “And you should totally check us out at Battle of the Bands!” She’s been suggesting that to everyone she meets since the event was announced. “I mean if you want to,” Teri adds quickly, just in case he was asking just to be nice. “Oh, I didn’t actually think about that,” she giggles as they start to walk, looking around them like she might suddenly get an idea before shrugging. “We’ll figure it out!”

Conrad was extremely excited to hear Teri talk about her music, it made Conrad feel warm all over. He loved it when people talked about their passions. “I can’t wait! I’ll look out for it, just send me a reminder okay?” He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair, “Yes of course! I’d love to check you all out at the event!” He smiled even wider and then when Teri said she didn’t think of where they were going, he shrugged. “Yes thats the spirit, we’ll figure it out!” He laughed and then started to walk along next to her.

The blonde scoffed, trying extremely hard not to break while doing so. “You wound me, Con. Wound me right where it hurts.” Chester stated, while hitting against his chest to emphasize. He then grinned, almost condescending like. “Well, duh he likes me! All adults do!” He proclaimed, as if he wasn’t aware of how AJ’s parents did, in fact, not like him one bit. But they weren’t talking about AJ’s parents here and Chester would rather pretend like they did. “I mean, don’t you have to be straight first in order to think straight?”·

Conrad couldn’t help but play along with Chesters words and he nodded his head, putting a hand to his own chest as he breathed in slowly. “I feel your pain, Ches, I really do,” he nodded along too, and chuckled even more. “I mean, a lot of parents do—but especially mine, they think you’re good company for me, and I couldn’t agree more, bud,” he smiled softly at his friend and then felt his cheeks blush an incredibly dark shade of red, “I-I can’t believe you just said that, but hey, you’re very right.”

“I’ll do it! I can get ordained online when I get home,” they suggest, really hoping that Conrad will accept the idea. Because now Riley absolutely wants to be the one to officiate this wedding. “I could even write vows for them!” Giving the chicken in his hands a pet, they beamed and nodded quickly before turning to walk over towards the chicken he had pointed out for them to hold. “Hi Johnny, I’m Riley and I’m about to pick you up, okay?” they practically whispered to the animal before bending over and picking him up. 

Conrad couldn’t help but laugh out loud at Riley’s claims—he loved them so much. “You’d do that for me and the lil chickens?” He smiled and gazed at Riley with adoration in his eyes. “You’ll really make the wedding important,” he grinned and then watched Riley as they walked over to Johnny the chicken to pick him up, “See? Not so hard,” he said as he set the chicken he was holding down, “I’m just really glad my folks were able to get another farm, I don’t know what I’d do without all my animals..”

“I mean, that’s what I was hoping for but we totally don’t have to. We have been watching quite a bit of them lately so if you want a change of pace, go for it.” She waved off the question before tossing the things she had picked up into a basket. She turned for the kitchen next, going to rummage through the cabinets for snacks.

Conrad looked back at Violet and chuckled softly—they have watched a lot together, but to Conrad it felt like a streak that had to keep up. “I like spooky, I think spooky is great, lets stick with spooky!” He grinned wide and selected The Cabin in the Woods before heading over to the couch and relaxing back against it, “Do you have any good snacks?”

    —- she handed him the sticker, proud that someone liked it enough to want it regardless. karmi really did have an artistic ability. “thank you for your participation! i’ll be sure to thank you when i publish my study!”

Conrad smile had widened as Karmi handed him a sticker and he put it in his pocket to keep for something special to put it on. “Thank you so much, I love it!” He chuckled and then nodded his head, “How is your study coming along?”

It wasn’t like Camden had been prepping for this moment all day, or thought of what he might say and do throughout the course of the entire night. Or, well, maybe he had, but his carefully hand selected words seemed to escape him as soon as Conrad smiled like that. Lovely. “Well, uh, you can die happy now. Impression is definitely made.” He confirmed, and his dopey, lopsided smile rounded at the edges after his next statement. That was– He was quickly learning that the brunette’s winks might be his unraveling. After only the second one he’d witnessed, he could feel the heat from his face reach the top of his chest. “Thank you,” he responded to a combination of the compliment and the rest, and when Conrad asked to come in, he quickly moved out of the way of the door dutifully. “Of course! Right, sorry about that. Yeah, yeah… Welcome.” He floundered, grin turning sheepish as he played with the edges of his sweater sleeves. Yeah, Cam really had agreed to tonight just to embarrass himself, huh.

Conrad couldn’t stop the little chuckle that escaped his lips as he smiled and blushed even more. He was starting to look like the tomatoes in his food bag. “I never wanna die if I get to look at you all the time,” he let the words roll off his tongue, trying to be a bit more confident in his flirting. “Thanks,” he reached out to grip Camden’s shoulder, squeezing it softly before passing him as he walked into his apartment. He looked around him, taking in the apartment and where Camden spent most of his time. Conrad couldn’t help but feel more invested in Camden by just standing in his space. It felt natural. “I like your place,” he smiled and turned around to see him, pointing over at the kitchen, “want me to get started now? You got a big ol’ pot? A pan?” He wiggled his eyebrows and chuckled.

“Yeah! I’m in a band with my sisters! We’re The Muses,” she explains, always happy for an excuse to talk about the group. There’s a voice in the back of her head, one that sounds suspiciously like Clio, urging her to tell Conrad to stream Zero to Hero on Spotify, but she holds her tongue. She’s only known him for about five minutes after all, it feels a little early for shameless self promotion. “Just give me a minute!” With that Teri rushes to the circulation desk, quickly checking out the books — and signing up for a library card in the process, who knew that was a thing? — before returning to Conrad, a bounce in her step. “Okay let’s go!” Her excitement is visible as she links her arm with her new friend’s, leading him from the library.

Conrad couldn’t help but smile more as he heard Teri talk about her band with her sisters. “The Muses? I love the name,” in fact, it did ring a bell. Conrad just felt bad because he just wasn’t good at keeping up with current artists. “I’d love to hear some of your music? Do you have any recommendations? I mean obviously anything you do you’d rec, but like, any recent stuff?” He smiled more and more, and he made a little ‘oh’ face before nodding his head, “yeah sure!” He watched as Teri whisked away to check out the books, before coming back and linking her arm with his, “Yes! Lets!” He couldn’t help but feel a pep in his step, “this is exciting! Where are we going?”

Preparing for tonight had proven to be an ordeal. For starters, Cam had an inkling that this could be a date, but Conrad could’ve also just been offering to cook for him out of friendliness. Those two outfit picks were definitely not one and the same. He’d eventually settled for a middle ground, with his worn in skinny jeans, a denim button-up, and a light sweater on top. It was comfortable, given the inside temperature (which was a bit cold, purposeful due to how the oven unavoidably warmed the entire apartment within minutes), and the sleeves were just long enough for him to absentmindedly play with while waiting for the brunette. It didn’t take long, fortunately, though the knock did pull him out of his winding, nervous daydream. When he answered the door, a few short seconds later, it was with a complicated smile, blending relief that Conrad had come and embarrassment in his own outfit pick. “Hi,” he breathed out, holding open the door and obediently stepping out of the path inside. “It’s, uh- It’s really good to see you.” He responded, almost as if it hadn’t been a week since they last spoke. That was when his eyes raked down the older boy’s clothes, forcing him to bite his lip through a wider, yet still nervous, smile. “You look good. Like, really, really good.”

conrad couldn’t help but feel his own breath get taken away as soon as he saw camden—he looked stunning, standing there in his skinny jeans, denim button up and a super cute sweater. “it’s really, really good to see you,” he smiled wide, flashing a teethy grin, before taking in a slow inhale, looking behind the taller blonde into his place. he stood on his tiptoes for a moment before chuckling, “oh? you think so? thank you, i just really wanted to make an impression,” he felt his cheeks blush feverishly at the statement. well, he was trying to make an impression on the boy but he didn’t know if he wanted to come right out and say it. “you look lovely tonight, too, though, lets not forget about that, okay?” he winked at camden and then stepped forward, “can i come in? don’t want the ingredients to get bad before i cook up a storm for you.”

Chester let out the loudest and most exaggerated gasp he could make, even going as far as to putting a hand against his chest while doing so. “Stinky feet?! How dare you! I have you know, I smelled them before taking my boots off and they at best have a small stench to them…..but if you want stinky feet, that can be rearrange.” The blonde proclaimed with a laugh as he moved his foot back. “Tell him it’s gonna be given to a friend. I’ll make sure it’ll be put to good use.” Chester shook his head at the uncanniness of how well Conrad sounded like his grandpa. “if I have a new one, what makes you think I’ll be asking for your old one?“

Conrad couldn’t wipe off the silly grin from his face as he just stared at Chester. “Wow,” he couldn’t help but chuckle at Chesters feigned hurt. “I don’t think I want stinky feet, Ches, sorry buddy,” he chuckled along, and then nodded his head along to what Chester was saying. “That I can do, plus, he likes you so I’m sure he’d be fine with it!” He let out a sigh and then realized his brain had a moment, “Oh, sorry, I meant if I had a new one right now,” he face palmed, then looked up at Chester with soft eyes, “You don’t make me think straight sometimes, you know that?”

“Not at all!” She agreed.·It was cute has easily flustered he get’s, she noted while staring at him. His nerves seemed to calm down immensely from before, which was exactly what Missy was hoping for, but she couldn’t help but find his blushing adorable. Her eyes then gleamed at his following words.·“You’re grandparents run a farm? Like with actual chickens, pigs and goats?” She questioned as if she didn’t know what a farm was but did.·“No, please! I would love to hear more, in fact what kind of photography do you like to do?”

Conrad nodded his head excitedly as he started to talk more about the farm. “Yeah! We’ve got a lot of chickens, a couple cows so they’ve got a herd, some pigs and goats, it’s all super exciting,” he chuckled and then felt a little flustered talking so much about himself. He didn’t do that often. “Oh! Well, I like to do pretty much anything that I find interesting, you know? Sometimes its real random, but when you find something bizarre it’s very rewarding in the end. Do you like photography?” 

“That’s perfect!” Riley’s head was already running with ideas of what they could do for this gay chicken wedding. They meant it when they said they wanted it to be the wedding of a year, but realistically they also knew they couldn’t go too all out since well… it was just for chickens and not anyone who would even realize what was happening. But they were positive between themself and Joy something great could be planned. “Yes! I want to pet them all!!”

Conrad couldn’t help but giggle a bit. “Who should be the minister for the wedding? Do you know anyone who can do that kind of stuff?” He titled his head and furrowed his eyebrows over at Riley, before chuckling even more and picking up Barbara next, “You could try picking up Johnny over there, he won’t give much of a fuss,” he chuckled and then pet Barbara for a moment, holding the chicken and getting closer to Riley to see if they wanted to pet Barbara, “Thanks for being so excited about my chickens,” he couldn’t help but blush a little.