Hippiest Grunge You’ll Ever Meet♥️

Give give give

Hold you if you are cold

Share with you what I worked so hard for

Push you up from below

Give give give

I give

So much of myself to others

Expecting the bare minimum

Things I never receive

I give to myself too

I crawl and I bleed till I win

I break

Break break break

I wait

Wait wait wait

I wait till I heal and I give myself time and care and love and everything everything everything else

Yet

I still

I still am alone

I still break and hope to heal

I still cry myself to sleep

I wait

Till you fall asleep

I give you the truth about me

I ask you for help you see

Yet you never worry about me

I have been doing this for so long

I think you believe I dont need it

Your love

And what you give

Your time

And your help for me to heal

Your care

And your attention

Your words

And connection

Nobody ever thanks me

And everyone always leaves me

I must be a giver

Because all they ever do

Is take

I want to feel the rain fall on my face and my clothes stick to my skin, soaking wet.

I want to cry and laugh and breathe.

Exist while I smell the dirt dancing with the rain.

Open my eyes and see a deep blue chaos of clouds so beautiful It can't be painted, it can't be photographed, it can't be contained.

Because after choosing you over and over again

You still never choose me

-stop victimizing yourself

-its your fault

-you are so dramatic

-you are such a burden

-dont do this, dont do that

-that makes you a whore

-you will never be anything

1) to live my life in pain, misunderstood, getting worse by the month, trying everhthing to feel better but failling every single time. Feeling and being alone, giving it my all and it just never being enough.

2)leave this world, disappointing those younger than me but teaching the older ones a lesson: when someone you love begs for help, help them. Missing out on all the big moments in their young life. But the thing is... I already am.

And I will re-live my death for eternity as a punishment.

Then why is it so hard for me to do that for myself? !