i’ve seen a lot of people in the notes express hope that i’ll someday return.
i really wasn’t kidding about not holding my breath, though. let’s pretend, for a moment, that we live in a better world, and that the official rulings on transgender women from every sporting organization in the world are reversed tomorrow, and trans women are officially permitted to compete as women.
that does nothing to stop transvestigation by transphobic sports fans and in locker rooms. it does nothing to stop the harassment campaigns sparked and spurred by cis athletes constantly, that put pressure on these organizations to implement discriminatory rules in the first place.
the rules aren’t the only thing keeping me out of the gym and off the competition floor. it’s the stares. it’s the whispers behind my back. it’s the way that people who are ostensibly supportive of trans people will suddenly defend bioessentialist conservative talking points the second women’s sports are involved. it’s the gym and sports league owners calling women like me “delusional men.” it’s the fact that every success id hypothetically have as a transfem powerlifter would be immediately chalked up to my supposed “maleness,” every medal and trophy inevitably leading to a harassment campaign. powerlifting orgs are so intensely hostile to trans women that i wouldn’t go back even if i was explicitly allowed to by governing bodies.
i don’t have a clear solution, but there’s one thing i know for certain— tolerance of my presence just isn’t enough of a reason to return. “tolerance” is almost always a thin rhetorical tarp to obscure a cesspit of contempt and disgust. fuck that. i want to be welcomed and accepted, like any other woman would be.
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