I don’t know of a pain other than heart break that encompasses the very cells in your body. Watching a lover carelessly walk away from a relationship they have thrown to the dogs is one of the hardest things I ever have to deal with.
I'ma catch. I always saw myself as a dope ass bf. I come with so many pluses. Family, stocks, great values, substance, loyalty, attractive, thoroughbred, veteran of the US navy, and the list goes on. So guys don’t just walk away that often. Especially not one that I’m wanting to stick around.
I’m not built for heartbreak! I’m The only child of parents still married. lasting loving healthy relationships is what I’m familiar with. Seeing my “family’s colors being dragged thru the mud” ,devalued and completely unappreciated insults.
Retail therapy didn’t work. Getting high out my mind definitely didn’t help. Getting mad sad and isolated didn’t. Every time I hear their fav song there’s a hurt feeling I feel.
I guess this very hurt feeling is the reason why I don’t start on these journeys initially. Being afraid to love is a thing because ppl are afraid that their very existence won’t be enough to hold a lover true. In a relationship we present our best selves. And when our very best selves is taken for a joke or for a come up or for some other selfish crazy reason other than being humbly and graciously excepted and honored and cherished, its crushing. Absolutely crushing.
Some can come back from this thing called heart break. Then mend heal and many times get back together and move forward. Me? I love so hard and tru and put my all into it that the crushing blows are too much to piece back together and be like new again.
I’m fucking crushed. I open my eyes in the am and they the haze of morning glare his face is what my mind sees. And my pillows still smell like him.
My sheets and hair brushes too. His undies are still in rotation in the laundry bag.
I can’t keep seeing pieces of you so I had to leave town for a few days so I can heal and get back to me.
Getting you out my system will be like a wino detoxing. But necessary!!
Till I’m free of this love spell I’ll be over here healing till the last drop of loving you leaves my body I LOVE YOU.