Chaotically Unhinged

This year has been a cluster fuck of ridiculousness and tomfoolery but all I can say is that the best time of year is here and starts now. Halloween freaks, Thanksgiving foodies and Christmas crazies, whatever holidays you celebrate. Take the time to treat yourself. Let yourself indulge in and enjoy the goodness that is these holidays.

My witchy senses are tingling too.

Hello September! 🍁

old people: let me speak to your manager. This never would have happened in my day. And yet you all want the minimum wage raised. I’m going to kill you.

cashier: I’m sorry it’s going to be a 5 minute wait for your food

So I walk past the woman and put money in teen's tip jar. Haven't even gotten ice cream yet.

Woman looks at me. Turns back and yells some more with the teen. I put more money in the tip jar.

Darkened rooms with candles and centre-pieces made of leaves and acorns? Hell yeah.

Candy corn and harvest mix, and those little pumpkin mellocremes? Sign me the fuck up.

Pumpkin spice everything, from applesauce to breads to cappucino to Zagnuts, if they still made them? Abso-frickin’-lutely.

Black and orange M&Ms? To say nothing of the discounted Halloween candy on the 1st of November? Heckin’ good time.

Halloween playlists full of ‘80s new wave and that one station on the radio that plays the Monster Mash on infinite? Yes.

Cold temps at night that freeze all the spiders and hornets back to Hell? Of course.

Taking long walks through the park with your Gengar and catching ghost-type Pokemon, putting Shuppet and Dusclops into Gyms, regardless of their level, just because it’s almost Halloween? Heaven on Earth, mate.

The seasonal aisle at Walgreens that smells like PVC and artificial chocolate? Duh!

Driving by houses with artificial spiderwebs and gravestones for folks like “Izzy Dedyet” and “Ratlin M. Bones” all over the place? Totally.

Walking along the nature trail and taking pictures of the fall foliage even though you know it’s not Instagram worthy, just because you like it and want to be reminded of it next year when it’s 97 degrees in the shade? Rad.

Itinerant Halloween costume stores that move into the old furniture store in August and spend a month setting up their automatic jumpscare equipment and putting out their overpriced costumes and accessories? Holy shit, yes.

Schlocky monster movies and the 52nd annual repeat of It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown? Oh, my god, yes.

Jack-o-lanterns? Of course!

Walking around your own block just to see the leaves and smell nature? That’s a great time.

When it’s 40 degrees Fahrenheit and it starts to rain? Now you’re speaking my language.

Your annual Hulu marathons of the Halloween episodes from Bob’s Burgers, South Park, and The Simpsons, and maybe Star Trek 207-“Catspaw” too? Aw yiss.

Taking hayrack rides out to the pumpkin patch and coming back with an armful of those tiny little pumpkins that you arrange in a pile outside your front door? Excellent.

Queuing up a whole bunch of corny skeleton memes? No question about it.

Decorating your place with equal parts decorations you remember from childhood and cheap new stuff from the dollar store? Look no further.

I feel attacked