some days are bad. Others are worse

I want to run away. away from the city, away from my past. I want to live somewhere in the nowhere, between mountains, the oceans and the purest of nature. i want to hike and feel the breeze of freeness on my entire body, want to swim naked in the lakes, where just the stars can see me at night. I want to explore and go further and stop when I want to stay. I wanna be whoever I want to be, wherever I want to be. I want to let go, off all the things I am not good enough for and welcome a life that’s good enough for me.

Your mind was beautiful, full of waves of laughter and nonsense and oceans full of fear and courage. Your heart was pure, sad, but ready to fight for the good. You were yourself in a world where everyone wanted to be someone else. I miss that person, i miss my beloved friend.

This won’t last. You won’t stay. You don’t love me enough.

Cocain. Tilidin. Codein. MDMA. Acid. Weed. So many ways to get high and I chose you….

He asked me how I was doing, I said okay. But thinking about it, i was never better. I am clean, not sober yet, but almost... I am still thinking about suicide sometimes, but finally starting to see some other future. I am still drowning in my feelings, but i learned to feel them, accept them and let them go. Sometimes I still cut myself, but i clean my wounds afterwards and say sorry to myself.. Recovery is hard, getting better takes time, and sometimes its happening so slow, that you do not even realise that its happening. But take a look in your past, look at your old worries, your old desires, and see how far you´ve come and dream about how far you will get.