there’s too much sadness, prompto thinks to himself, too much that the both of them have suffered through. he wonders if there was a reason for any of this – if there was another universe parallel to their own where the two of them got things right. if this was the price they paid for happiness in another, one adjacent. the thought brings him enough peace to where he’ll settle for the shitty ending, but his heart still aches desperately to know why. he’s had enough grief to last him a lifetime, enough pity, and enough sadness. 

         when the sun were to come up, it would be without noctis; and no other warmth would come close to that of his lover’s body pressed against his own. and while there’s too much sadness, there’s far less time. prompto doesn’t want to spend their last moments grieving a man who hasn’t even died yet, but it’s hard not to when he knows what will come in a day’s notice. 

        noctis is both here and gone at the same time and that’s what makes all of this harder. he wonders silently if it would’ve been easier to let him go had he never seen him again. had he not seen the man he’d grown into and gotten to feel his touch once more. it’s selfish, he knows, but his whole world feels like it’s crumbling around him and prompto clings to noctis a bit tighter. he’s desperate, willing to do anything to keep him grounded to their world, to keep his piece of heaven. 

           there are no words in the multitudes of languages that could soothe his breaking heart, but the words that slip from his lover’s lips are enough to bring him peace for now. he will settle with the fact that noctis would chose him, if they’d been granted this choice– it would be him, it would be them. that’s enough to soothe any lingering wounds for now, to calm his troubled mind and put himself at ease. it’s not much, but for now it would have to be enough. the gunman refuses to spend his last moments with noctis in a state of disbelief, mourning a person who has already made peace with his duty. instead, he swallows thickly, the lump in his throat burns as it goes down and prompto pulls himself together enough to stand on his own. 

          at least until he’s engulfed in his husband’s arms, pulled flush against his chest and ready to break down once more. his fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt, tight enough to rip holes through the material. he clings to him, like it’s the last time he’ll ever be held – because maybe it is. there are a lot of things that will be their last and it makes his heart ache in his chest. it sinks to his stomach, his mind races and his eyes squeeze shut as tight as they can. the closer the night draws to morning, the less and less sure he is that he can let noctis go. 

          be it the sound of noctis’ voice or the lingering fear that any moment could be his lover’s last, prompto brings himself back to this and out of his own head. the blonde peers up at the king, eyes wide and uncertain. he reverts back into the boy he was a decade ago, scared and confused, wanting nothing more than to stand by his best friend. his body trembles in the moonlit room, bottom lip quivering as tear-brimmed eyes glance up at his husband. ❛ i love you, noct … i don’t want anything to change. ❜

‘ i wish it didn’t have to. ’ 

but noctis can’t allow himself to be selfish now  ,  not at the end.  forcibly  ,  he’s made his peace with what must be done  ,  but not with what must be left behind  ,  left with the  consequences  of his fate.  it  aches  ,  a hollow feeling that sits in the center of his chest.  he’s known it would come to this for ten years  ,  &  in those years he’d forgotten the  roles  he filled in other people’s lives.  he was a friend  ,  a loved one  ,  a  husband  ,  holes that were not so easily filled.  his time away had all but  removed  him from his life  ,  taken ten years of it  &  now they want the rest.

the childish part of him wants to say it’s not  fair  .  the adult he’s become knows he doesn’t get a choice one way or the other.  people need him.  that’s all that matters now.  that’s his  duty  .  but it isn’t fair that anyone should be left with this grief  ,  have to mourn him.  he hates that part the most  ,  he knows what grief can do to someone  ,  he’s  seen  what it can do to people firsthand.  it’s an awful  ,  untamable beast of a thing.  his fingers dig into prompto’s shirt  ,  he’d forgotten how hard it would be to say goodbye  ,  to leave behind the people he loves. 

‘ ....promise me something ?? ’ 

his voice is  quieter  than he’d like it to be  ,  but just once he’ll allow himself to feel this  ,  this sadness  &  longing  &  melancholy  that sits in his throat  &  threatens to choke him  ,  suffocating him.  but he won’t cry  ,  he  can’t  cry.  not for the lost time  ,  not for the heartache he leaves behind  ,  not for any of it.  one hand  ,  shaking now  ,  rests on prompto’s cheek  ,  barely there  &  hating  how he’s trembling. 

‘ after i’m gone...promise me you won’t lose yourself.  keep moving, keep living. ’ 

       he’d gotten good at reading noctis, at knowing everything he was thinking in that moment. he watches the expressions shift on his face, each giving him away. he knows how much he’s hurting, how he blames himself for misfortunes, how he can’t stand knowing he’d hurt him. it makes prompto sad to know that there are things noctis has to go through alone, that he can’t solve all of his problems – because he wants to. he’s trying to. he wants to take that weight off of his shoulders and make him happy again, even in this moment; when his whole body hurts and he feels like he can’t, he wants to. 

       slowly, prompto presses the palms of his hands to either side of the hotel bed, forces himself up as he winces and shifts over to make more room for him. ❛ right now, what i need is for you to lay with me. and to stop getting in your own head, ❜ he breathes out as he sinks back against the pillows, eyes fluttering shut. the shift in weight on the bed tells him all he needs to know and he rests his injured arm against noctis’ hip, fingers dipping under the material of his shirt to rub small circles into his skin. ❛ wanna talk about what’s on your mind ? i don’t bite, ya know. not unless you want me to. ❜

noctis shifts to lay next to prompto with a sigh  ,  closing his eyes for the moment.  what was on his mind was things he’d rather not talk about  ,  so he doesn’t say anything for the moment  ,  one arm tucked under his head  ,  the other draped loosely across prompto’s waist.  he tries to do as prompto asked  ,  stay out of his head  ,  but the only way he knows how to do that is to sleep  ,  &  he doesn’t want that.  noctis doesn’t think he’d be able to  ,  &  he pouts  ,  face screwed up in thought before he speaks. 

‘ no, it’s....fine. ’ 

right now  ,  he doesn’t  want  to talk  ,  there’s too much on his mind for him to truly narrow it down.  it’s nothing  &  everything  all at once.  he doesn’t say anything for the moment  ,  closing his eyes briefly before they open again  ,  &  noctis shifts close enough to hide his face in prompto’s shoulder.  he’ll be fine by tomorrow  ,  noctis knows he doesn’t have a choice in that matter  ,  so he’ll do what he does best: bottle it up. 

       prompto can tell that noctis is tired, he can’t imagine how he feels – and quite honestly, he doesn’t think that he ever wants to know what that feeling could be. to lose ten years of your life, only to awaken and then die, and suddenly resurrect … the thought alone is enough to make him cringe, but to live through it was an entirely different thing. he feared maybe noctis had been through too much in one lifetime, and silently he wonders if there is any bit of his burden that he could bear himself, to take the weight from his husband’s shoulders. 

       his arms tighten around his frame, then loosen as he pulls away to grab at noctis’ hand. he leads his husband back toward his bed before he drops his hand to climb in, pushing the covers open to make room for him. it’d be a tight fit, but they’d make it work for tonight. tomorrow they had more important, far bigger issues to worry about. when noctis settles beside him, prompto wastes no time in wrapping his arms around his frame once more, pulling him flush against his chest. he holds onto him far tighter than he should, but he’s afraid that he might slip away if he lets go. ❛ in the morning, ❜ he agrees, nuzzling his face against the back of his lover’s neck. ❛ who knows what tomorrow will be like … for now, we should rest. besides, looks like you could use the beauty sleep. ❜

noctis hums as prompto pulls him tightly against him  ,  the tension bleeding out from his shoulders.  he can’t truly remember the last time he was allowed to exist  ,  to  be  without expectations.  for so long  ,  he’s always had to be something to  someone  :  a prince  ,  a savior  ,  a  king  .  he knows once the sun comes up  ,  it will be no different.  it makes it hard to sleep.  so  ,  for the moment  ,  he doesn’t try  ,  one hand resting over prompto’s arms wrapped around him tightly  ,  as if he’s afraid noctis will disappear again.  not that he blames him  ,  truly.  he wonders  ,  for a moment  ,  if this is the part of the story where he’s allowed to live a relatively normal life  ,  if that’ll be something he’s allowed to have now. 

‘ beauty sleep ??  that sounds like a nice way of telling me i look like shit, prom. ’ 

       his own breath catches in his throat when he hears the other’s words, eyebrows furrowed together. he thinks about his next answer carefully, lips parting then closing at least twice while the words dance along his tongue. he’s not even sure what to say, because when put that way the raven haired does have a point. ❛ i–i’m… – it belonged to my girlfriend. ❜ shaky arms cross over his chest, gulping down the pain that came with the word. he won’t tell the stranger that she died, or how heroic she truly was, or anything like that. because this hurts enough as it is and maybe this was all a sign for him to keep moving.

       focusing on the past would get prompto nowhere, and remembering the way the two would lay here in the middle of the day, talking about things he couldn’t begin to explain to anyone else was serving him no good. he takes reluctant steps toward him, eyes quizzing his features, until he’s right in his face. ❛ hiding in plain sight gets you caught. ❜ without another word, he wraps his fingers around the man’s wrist and tugs him back toward the doors of the church, pulling him lightly up the stairs and ducking by a large dresser placed next to one of the windows. ❛ … who, or what, are you hiding from ? ❜ 

‘ girlfriend, huh ??  she must really like flowers. ’ 

noctis blinks a few times when the blonde is suddenly in his face  ,  staring him down in slight confusion before he’s dragged up the stairs of the church.  was it really hiding in plain sight ??  he cocks his head when asked what or  who  he’s hiding from  ,  face screwing up before he answers  ,  chewing at his lower lip nervously. 

‘ i, uh, kinda mouthed off to some guy who’s like twice my height.  hoping he lost interest by now. ’ 

it’s more common than he’d care for  ,  starting arguments  &  raising hell  ,  but it is what it is  ,  he thinks.  it’s not too out of character for him  ,  at least that’s what his friends would say.  but it’s really not  his  fault the guy was being an asshole  ,  or that noctis happened to overhear him  &  decide to get involved.  he shrugs slightly  ,  moving to sit on the floor before he speaks. 

       it’s a promise, prompto recognizes in the tone of his voice. he knows this time it means everything, there’s nothing on the line. nothing that could take noctis away from him. no arranged marriage, no prophecy, nothing. just a king and his husband left in the wake of devastation, and though prompto isn’t sure what comes after this; he’s ready. whether that’s to tell their friends of noctis’ return, to head back to the citadel, whatever it is they’ll figure that out together. for now, prompto’s apartment would serve as their shelter for the night.

       he sees glimpses of the twenty year olds they used to be and he can’t help but mourn the years he’d spent without his husband. despite best efforts, ignis and gladio had tried and failed to get him to go out and see other people. they reminded him that he still had a life to live, that he was lucky, that to sit in sadness was to let himself waste. he didn’t care. to live a life without noctis simply wasn’t living much, though now a pain he’d hopefully never have to know again. ❛ i’m not sure, noct. ❜ his hand tightens in the grasp of his lover’s own, as if noctis were going to let go and disappear again. a blush rises to his cheeks at the action, shaking his head when a kiss is pressed to the back of his hand. ❛ ten years really turned you into a gentleman, ❜ he teases, gulping as he swallows the lump in his throat. 

      he doesn’t mention the letters he’d written to him, piled up and now sorted away for safe keeping, in hopes that his return would be longer and that he’d have the time to sit and read them. in hopes that he wouldn’t have left them again, that he could catch up on what was missed as if he’d lived through the experiences in the last ten years. it was an awfully long time to miss out on, possibly the hardest and most crucial years of prompto’s life. despite in his presence now, part of him still feels alone – the very thing noctis had promised him that he wouldn’t be. ❛ i missed you. ❜

‘ i try. ’ 

noctis laughs quietly in the small space between them  ,  a warm smile settling on his face.  come the sunrise  ,  the world would change again  ,  he’s not sure what exactly that will bring now.  but he knows he’s less hesitant about it now  ,  that he’s ready for whatever it might be  ,  that he won’t be facing it alone.  ten years was a long time  ,  &  if there was a way to get that lost time back  ,  he’d take it.  but ten years compared to the rest of his life seemed small  ,  now that he was  home  ,  &  nothing would take him away again.  he had plenty of time to catch up. 

‘ ....we should probably tell gladio and iggy in the morning. ’ 

for now  ,  though  ,  noctis sighs quietly  ,  feeling a wave of exhaustion settle over him now.  he hadn’t thought being brought back from the dead would be so  exhausting  ,  but once he could  really  relax  ,  he felt like he’d been hit by a truck.  quietly  ,  he rests his head on prompto’s shoulder  ,  letting his eyes close for a minute.  the rest of the world could wait until the sun came up.  right now  ,  this was more important.  he didn’t want to think about what came next  ,  he  knew  what would come next  ,  &  for a few hours  ,  he didn’t want to be the king.  he just wanted to be noctis  &  be held by his husband. 

       he always feels awful when noctis blames himself for things that are out of his control. prompto knows that he can’t help it, that times are tough and everything is weird and noctis feels like the world is caving in on him every second of every day. the last thing he wants to do is add to that pressure, to make him feel like less than what he is. maybe if he’d been paying attention himself they wouldn’t be in this mess. it’s a nice thought and he considers voicing it, hoping that maybe it will ease some of the pressure from his lover’s shoulders. he was hurt, sure, but he’d be okay in the end. 

       instead, he forces himself up in the hotel bed and grabs onto noctis’ hand, squeezing tightly. ❛ i’m okay, ❜ he promises, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to his cheek. ❛ it hurts a little bit, but … iggy said i’ll be fine. it’s okay, really, noct. i get it, you’re still learning. we all are. if it wasn’t me, it could’ve been ignis or gladio, or even you if one of us was using it. we all need to be more careful. y-you’re not alone in this. ❜ prompto rests his forehead against the raven haired’s, soft sigh passing his lips. ❛ i love you. ❜

he sighs  ,  a quiet  ,  shaky sound passing over his lips  ,  finally  bringing his eyes up to meet prompto’s.  he knows ignis said he would be fine  ,  but that doesn’t make him feel any better.  it certainly doesn’t erase the fact that he did it  ,  even if it won’t leave behind anything permanent.  he squeezes prompto’s hand in return  ,  grounding himself again.  for now  ,  they’re both alright  ,  &  prompto isn’t upset with him.  that’s enough for now  ,  noctis thinks  ,  speaking softly. 

‘ ...i love you, too. ’ 

&  he does  ,  but that makes it hurt  more  .  he doesn’t say it  ,  doesn’t talk about the fact that sometimes  ,  he sits  &  hopes the sky will come crashing down on him  ,  or that the floor underneath his feet would open up  &  swallow him whole.  he thinks too much about everything  ,  always has  ,  &  noctis can’t ever seem to fully get out of his head.  he frowns  ,  moving to lean into prompto just slightly  ,  tension seeping from his shoulders if only for a moment.  he wonders what it would be like if they were normal  ,  if insomnia still stood  &  noctis wasn’t a prince.