Show Me the Heart Unfetted By Foolish Dreams

It doesn’t mean i stopped dating lool. I dated a sexy Australian for 3 months. BTW I love his friends. well, you can guess the results. Sad story,of course ..... Sometimes, I do feel that there must be something wrong with me! Why the people I want doesn't want me? But the people I don’t want wants me?! !!!! Such an irony!

Btw, just checked your tumblr and found that you didn't update much, either. hahah you need to be back,too!!!

I think I am suffering from depression again. Well,it came along with memory loss, tense nerves and broken sleep. And I think my head is exploding... I feel so bad these days that I even can't ignore all these symptoms Though I know I am fucking behaving normally. But I felt something was wrong. Sept. 14th,2016,#Shanghai PS:I checked last ftime when I felt heavily depressed,which might be Apr or so,like 6 months before

2016-08-22 威廉·勃特勒·叶芝 #WilliamButlerYeats #poem #叶芝 Come away, oh human child! 来吧，人类的孩子！ To the waters and the wild 到水边和荒野里来 With a faery, hand in hand 和仙女手拉着手 For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand. 因为这世界上充满了你还无法理解的哀愁。 --《被窃的孩子》The Stolen Child But I, being poor, have only my dreams; 可我，如此贫穷，仅仅拥有梦； I have spread my dreams under your feet; 就把我的梦铺展在你的脚下； Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. 轻一点啊，因为你脚踩着我的梦。 --《他希冀天国的锦缎》He wishes for the Cloths of Heaven She bid me take life easy, as the grass grows on the weirs; 她嘱我活得淡然，像青草滋长于岸堤。 But I was young and foolish, and now I am full of tears. 但当年年少无知，如今早已泪满衣 --《柳园里》Down By the Salley Garden

Are you traveling alone? 2016-08-21 I hate people asking me:"are you traveling alone?" (cuz it is obvious!!) Days ago,a reception supervisor made sure that I wanted to book a double room surprisingly,I was totally uneasy by her face. Seriously,the single rooms in that hotel were booked up and I didn't wanna change to another hotel. It was obvious that the double room might be a greater choice. Why in this times people still ask such questions? Traveling alone is cool and carefree. It shouldn't be supposed to be strange. Isn't it? I don't have troubles in making friends or sth. Most of my friends also travel alone. We enjoy being so. But I couldn't deny the fact that I am strange. Kkk,I am strange in a good way. ^^ Usually girls usually like being in groups. So when it comes to travel,they are traveling with friends or in couples,which can also be seen in many places of interest along with their laughers and screams. Well,of course I had done so. But if I can be honest,I don't really have deep impressions about those trips in group before. Surely there are many pics left and some memories are stored after that. But since 2012,I experienced sth abs seemed like traveling alone more. I like making choices of my own: visit anywhere,stay in someplace as long as I want, live in any hotel,eat anything I am interested...of course when traveling alone, I can sit in a museum and wander around the whole day,think randomly and take pictures randomly,and no worries about anyone feels it boring or wastes of time? Also,when being tired,i just sit in a cafe and read a book,so simple. Personally I think,everyone needs some space even with close friends. We can be in the crowd,but not every time.

Unavoidable Aug.19,2016 It is just unavoidable that every several days,I woke up and wondered where I am... I was told many times  "don't post so many personal things in social media", so I did pay great attention to post only some "good things" and tried not to mention my true feelings sometimes. Several days ago,while I chatted with Danny,I said sorry that I didn't check your blog for a while. Cuz I can't get access to my blog in that website and it was blocked in China.We've always been encouraging each other to write....It was at that time I realized I haven't updated my blog for a while--the only place I can express freely and be fearless of any judges. 1. This morning,when I woke up in a train to the south,I was suddenly lost my mind. The same questions came to me: where am I? Where am I going? Where am I going to do? It took a while to sort out:well,I am going to the easiest start of the Great Wall and the train will arrive at 7:00 or so. So I have to get prepared at 6:30. Since the hotel I booked is near to the train station,I can put my luggage there and travel light and early. ...it wasn't the first time. I've always been haunted by the same questions no matter in the dorm,my apartment,all kinds of hotels/hostels, my friend's place or my parents' home. It sucks that every time,every now and then, I have to figure out the same questions. I don't know why,am I also like those girls who are actually lonely and desperate? Am I still feel insecure and act like a bystander? what is the point for every trip? There was a voice first whispering and getting louder---it is not my fault that you wake up and feel bad! I never mean to ruin your morning! Why can't you blame your subconsciousness? Why can't you stop being so greedy for life? Have you ever reflected on your lifestyle? Is there any chance that all these are resulted from your living alone? Are you soft and weak actually?... I shouted "shut up!!! Enough enough!"I don't wanna hear...I even don't wanna know. I don't wanna think cuz I always think too much!!! Life is all about living,if not,just surviving first. 2. One night in Shangaiguan One night in Beidaihe One night in Tianjin One night or two in Anyang ... I know the same questions are still unavoidable on the way ahead. They may haunt me for the rest of my life. But Unavoidable Aug.19,2016 It is just unavoidable that every several days,I woke up and wondered where I am... I was told many times  "don't post so many personal things in social media", so I did pay great attention to post only some "good things" and tried not to mention my true feelings sometimes. Several days ago,while I chatted with Danny,I said sorry that I didn't check your blog for a while. Cuz I can't get access to my blog in that website and it was blocked in China.We've always been encouraging each other to write....It was at that time I realized I haven't updated my blog for a while--the only place I can express freely and be fearless of any judges. 1. This morning,when I woke up in a train to the south,I was suddenly lost my mind. The same questions came to me: where am I? Where am I going? Where am I going to do? It took a while to sort out:well,I am going to the easiest start of the Great Wall and the train will arrive at 7:00 or so. So I have to get prepared at 6:30. Since the hotel I booked is near to the train station,I can put my luggage there and travel light and early. ...it wasn't the first time. I've always been haunted by the same questions no matter in the dorm,my apartment,all kinds of hotels/hostels, my friend's place or my parents' home. It sucks that every time,every now and then, I have to figure out the same questions. I don't know why,am I also like those girls who are actually lonely and desperate? Am I still feel insecure and act like a bystander? what is the point for every trip? There was a voice first whispering and getting louder---it is not my fault that you wake up and feel bad! I never mean to ruin your morning! Why can't you blame your subconsciousness? Why can't you stop being so greedy for life? Have you ever reflected on your lifestyle? Is there any chance that all these are resulted from your living alone? Are you soft and weak actually?... I shouted "shut up!!! Enough enough!"I don't wanna hear...I even don't wanna know. I don't wanna think cuz I always think too much!!! Life is all about living,if not,just surviving first. 2. One night in Shangaiguan One night in Beidaihe One night in Tianjin One night or two in Anyang ... I know the same questions are still unavoidable on the way ahead. They may haunt me for the rest of my life. But why should they? Life goes on. Always. Just need to check up plans and schedules more often. why should they? Life goes on. Always. Just need to check up plans and schedules more often.

Greed is good Aug. 11,2016 While chatting with Ryan,I said "you are too greedy." Then Ryan replied:"yes,I am.  Greed is good. " After thinking,I said:"well,yeah,greed is a good thing. Greed can motivate people to dream and go for it." 去百度上，贴来了Gordon Gekko的这段话，与君共享： The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And greed, you mark my words, will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you very much. （重点是，女士们先生们，贪婪——抱歉我找不到更好的词去形容——是个好东西。贪婪是对的，贪婪是奏效的。贪婪让人清醒，理清一切，然后抓住问题的精髓。贪婪，可以有很多形式：对生活、对钱、对爱情、对知识，这是人类一切进步的动力。贪婪，请记住我的话，贪婪不单可以拯救 Teldar 纸业，更可以拯救出现问题的美国。） 贪婪，有时候真的是个好东西。至少，我本身就是很greedy的人。 Sometimes,greed is good. At least i am greedy. How could human be less greedy when he realizes he can get more?

It is so sad that how my friends let me down. And literally I can do nothing. Why there are so many psychos? Why so many men are insane in relationship? Why are people getting more and more complicated? What can I say? Maybe,we were not friend. I was too dumb to find that. Some people just want someone to compliment them,encourage them and fulfill them. I was too kind and too innocent. All my patience,kindness,energy and time were used. I was so stupid. #StayAwayFromPsychos #ByeAssoholes Sometimes I do think why did they do this to me? Why do they want the salvation from me? Just because I am always optimistic and they want the positive energy? But do i have any obligations? I will talk more later in Tumblr. Cuz I think the VPN Won't work soon.

It has been almost one week since I ate goodbye lunch/dinner with friends, classmates, teachers every day(I feel a little tired when eating outside every day. Sometimes I have to talk the same contents again and again👿and the atmosphere is not suitable for me,too)...#graduation sounds like a sad word, but it seems not for me...mostly I am happy to embrace my new life. I sprained my foot...so no #dance,no #yoga for me these days. Hopefully I can still #read and better #adjustmyself #thealchemist (à Yanbian University)

It is also a fact that I am too away from university since last Sep. (internship) I should really really back to reading mode. Stronger and stronger!!!

I should remember this 1000 yuan for good-- the start of my translation career.

I guess, sometimes when you know something happens, you should just pretend not to notice it and definiely not to talk about it.

Told myself: hang in there!

Time to say goodbye. And I wanna figure out myself better.