yo soy la princesa

I’m still depressed but I guess that’s gonna be another constant. my brain is just the way it is. I’ve accepted it, learned to manage myself… & the frontal lobe be frontal lobe-in’ these days. so, I suppose some things do change..

things pivoted after I turned 21.. I went down an extremely self destructive path. I turned to people I believed to be friends & was disappointed & hurt. lost them again but this time I let them go. No contact since. I learned to be firm with my boundaries & how to communicate them in a healthy-ish way. I’ve always had an idea of what I wanted but I let myself get in the way more than anything… it’s gonna sound lame but I desperately wanted love from friends & partners & I finally realized I could give it to myself.

that led to me finding my current partner & a proper diagnosis. the cancer was loosely traced back to age 15/16. coincidentally (or maybe not) around the same time my mental health took an extreme plummet. weird how that works, huh?

I turned 22 in the hospital while receiving treatment. I recovered faster than expected. There were a few instances of what couldn’t be anything less than… miracles. I made it. I always will…

23 was odd.. repeating cycles when it came to new friendships & family... but I was able to correct it & remove myself from a few situations entirely. boundaries r n cool & I swear the only people they hurt are those who have something to gain from you being less of yourself… not worth it…

I turned 24 in Japan. spent 3 months in the countryside. my God, was it beautiful. the culture, the sites, the food & the people, of course. It was all an experience that I wouldn’t dare to try to describe here.. I couldn’t possibly convey the emotion.. the shift.. my mind, heart & soul.. I will say, the food was delicious. If I had to pick somewhere to retire, based solely upon cuisine.. it would easily be Japan. can’t wait to return.

I’ll update soon…