as above, so below

“don't caro me!” theo hissed, and the first tear rolled down his cheek like a translucent pearl, leaving a trace in its aftermath, disappearing under his chin. “it's the truth. it's the fucking truth!” the rage in theo’s voice was so surprising, blaise was completely taken aback by it. it was like looking at him for the very first time, hearing him for the very first time. this is what war, what pain and fear, did to someone you cherished so deeply. “my father is out of azkaban, i will have to take the dark mark, i will have to fight by voldemort’s side.” each word seemed to be followed by a bigger wave of panic, and by then, blaise didn't know how theo’s legs were holding him up. “e-everything is in shambles. e-everything is… and i-i will...” he finally reached a breaking point, a sob shaking his entire body, and blaise rushed to his side before he would collapse on the floor like a ragged doll.

he held him dearly, close, absorbing the sobs and the shudders of magic that came from his body, strong hands holding him up and making sure they were both as comfortable as they could be, even if kneeling on the floor, even if theo was doubled over himself with a posture that wasn't gracious or good for his back, as it wasn't the desperate wailing sounds tearing up his throat.

blaise allowed theo to cry out all his frustration, his fear and his panic. he let him unleash his demons, all the things he knew he was feeling but he didn't dare to say out loud because everything and everyone was a newfound enemy between four walls when a war was about to crash and burn everything built around them, no matter how much they might despise it. he didn't say anything, knowing there wasn't anything theo wanted to hear, and knowing that probably, there was no word of reassurance that could be sincere.

theo, in the end, was right. it was the bloody end of the world. at least, it was the end of the world as they have always lived in. and the idea of their world shifting, being destroyed, even if to be rebuilt into something better, lighter, was unbelievable for blaise.

the consequences of it were unimaginable. the idea of theo having to take sides of a war neither of them wanted, of having to be marked for a cause none of them believed in, was the worst case scenario, the worst and the most scary thing of their world ending.

it was the end of the world. and they were just two poor sods caught in the middle of it.

if everything wasn't so tense, and so awfully sad, blaise would have laughed. but he couldn't. because it was true it was the end of the world, and they were caught in the middle of it, but he could really love theo more than he did, in a world where it never was expected to happen, and that should be enough for tracing a plan, an escaping line.

and there wasn't a lot blaise couldn't offer, because theo was terrified and angry and sad and wrapped in an anxiety as big as all the magic he can keep inside his body, and blaise was fed up and melodramatic and unable to use as much resources as he wanted to use, but the two of them knew that all the things theo had listed, were final, as fixed as the sun going up every day in the sky.

it was the end of the world. theo’s father was out of azkaban. he was going to be forced to take the dark mark. he was going to fight at the war by voldemort’s side.

but there was another thing as fixed as their destiny and it was that they couldn't love each other more than they did, and they were going to find each other, after the war, after the end of the fucking world.

“theo, listen to me.” blaise started, calloused and rough fingers, skilled from flying, moved to wipe away the tears collecting underneath theo’s eyes, a smile perfect, still easy, reassuring. “i want to be with you, always.” he whispered, his voice firm. “even if the world is ending, i will go back to you and find you in the new world. i promise, i bloody promise, theo. i vow to you, do you understand? i will vow .”

theo looked at him like he was talking in parseltongue, his mouth agape, as if he was trying to really understand what blaise was saying to him, what he was implying, because those were heavy words, not to be taking slightly, even at the doors of the world ending. but before he could say anything else, blaise started to speak again.

“do you trust me? do you trust us enough?” and the heaviness of the question fell on theo’s chest like the weight of a tomb, but if the world was ending and he was going to die anyway, he would rather do it with a binding promise to blaise instead.

blaise smiled, and pressed his lips into theo’s chapped ones into a bruising kiss.

the hardest part about their promise was to find a bonder, someone who would help to cast the spell for them. draco laughed at them, calling them crazy, and telling them he wasn't going to shoulder the responsibility of such a stupid and rushed unbreakable vow. pansy refused as well, saying she wasn't going to sign a death sentence, whether or not they survived the actual war. daphne seemed horrified at the idea of them making an unbreakable vow, millicent snorted and warned them about not being hopelessly romantics and bloody idiots just because they were thrown into a war...

the bonder came from the place both of them were expecting the less, by the hand of astoria greengrass. she said she wasn't completely sure if this was the greatest of the ideas, but that she wasn't going to interfere into the desire of the two of them, if it was what the both truly wanted.

(“it should be so thrilling, shouldn't it?” she would whisper, giddy, over a cup of tea to theodore nott a few days before her agreement. “to have someone committing to you like that, words can't really describe it.”

and they didn't, so theo didn't say anything, he just felt the heat expanding through his body like a flame.)

a month before the battle of hogwarts theodore nott and blaise zabini made an unbreakable vow. it was week after theodore nott was forced to take the dark mark, when he was ambushed and taken by surprise, held down by a hand belonging to a flint and another one by a malfoy and with a wand held by his father, his fate sealed when dark strokes covered scarred skin.

there was no ritual, no fancy dresses, no pompous agreements. there was a lot of silence, and a lot of tears, theo’s hand tugging the hem of his tunic, as to make sure the mark was never going to be exposed, that it was never going to see the light.

when they held each other forearms, theo could feel the warmth seeping through the luxurious and thick fabric of blaise’s clothes, as rivulets of sparkly magic moved around them, sealing their future, as uncertain as it was, forever.

A lot of the times Theo and Blaise left the common room the same time, when Blaise had his quidditch practice, and Theo did whatever he did during those lost hours Blaise didn't catch a sight of him. He could have asked Pansy or Draco to help, but the idea of having to endure the endless teasing from the two of them and their over the top and overwhelming ideas who would probably annoy Theo to an extent, made him realise he was better developing this mission by himself.

Because, of course, this became a mission. What Theodore Nott Did During The Evenings He Had Quidditch Practice Mission. A mouthful, really.

A normal person would think that Theo simply was hanging around with some friends, but Theo wasn't a normal person, and Blaise wasn't, either. And Blaise also knew, fairly too well, that there weren't many people Theo called his friends, particularly not outside the Slytherin house. Theo wasn't using those hours to be some social butterfly, and Blaise just got the itch of knowing what was going on.

A normal person would have also assumed Theo was maybe having an affair. Being besotted with a rosy cheeked girl, or boy, from either Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff or even Gryffindor. Someone that would fit Theo's demure, shy and good nature, at the same time that would infuriate his father and would make everyone raise an eyebrow at the idea of Theodore Nott, only son of the eldest death eater, to date.

A part of Blaise burned with the idea of Theo dating anyone. Literal burn, he felt fire spreading through his limbs to his mouth when he thought that maybe the reason why Theo disappeared those evenings was for snogging someone behind the Whomping Willow. It was such an instinctive feeling, unable to fight against, that he found himself inspecting Theo's mouth, and immaculate neck and cheeks, during dinner when he came back from his small adventures. Looking for any kind of signal that gave away that, in fact, what was happening was simply some young love.

But another part of him snorted at the thought. Theo was the person who curled against him on one of the couches of the common room when Pansy got bold and loud about her love escapades, the one who blushed the prettiest shade of burgundy and red when Draco teased him endlessly, the one who turned bashful and coy when girls asked him to help them with their homework.

No, a romance couldn't be. Because, and this was the most important part. Blaise truly believed that, if someone had caught the eye and the attention of Theodore Nott, he would have told them. Maybe it would have taken some time, and it would have been between stutters and avoid of stares, but Theo would have told them.

So, Blaise was running out of options and irremediably, failing his mission. So, he had only a choice left: follow him.

It wasn't quite what Blaise wanted to do, it felt like somehow he was betraying the trust of his friend, because Theo was, indeed, his friend. But Blaise just wanted to know, and he hoped that giving the chance, Theo would forgive him.

The opportunity showed itself when he was on his way to the quidditch practice, a very agitated Urquhart told him practice was cancelled because the Gryffindor gits were occupying the quidditch field, again, even thought everyone knew Thursdays evening were the day when the Slytherin team had practice. Urquhart was in the mood of picking a fight, and Vaisey, Crabbe and Goyle were soon in the same mood. Even Blaise would have joined them if it wasn't because, the moment they stepped outside, he saw Theo, curled over himself, walking in the direction of the forest, and Blaise didn't give it a second thought. He followed him right away.

He tried to keep a prudent distance between the two of them, he really didn't want to get caught red handed. It wasn't too long of a walk, before Theo stopped in a clearance of the forest, and he opened the bag of his shoulder, and he started to speak in a very low voice. Blaise stood behind a tree, completely bewildered because, Theo was taking pieces of raw meat from his bag, and they were disappearing off his hands, and Blaise only thought this was any kind of advanced magic of course someone like Theo could perform.

But then, he put two and two together, and the sight made him smile. Thestrals. Theo was feeding the Thestrals. All those days Blaise thought he was reading, or hanging out with someone or even snogging a faceless boy or girl that made Blaise gut clench in jealousy, he came to the forest, and spent hours feeding the Thestrals. Of course. Such a Theodore Nott thing to do.

He probably snickered to himself way too loud, because before he noticed, he heard Theo gasp, and then his expression turned shy, insecure when he saw him there, standing behind a tree like a creep. “Bloody hell Zabini!” He exclaimed anyway, and his expression was like the one of a child caught by their mother doing something they really shouldn't have. Like eating biscuits before dinner.

“I can explain.” Blaise said, walking to where Theo was standing, looking around, because he couldn't see the Thestrals, but he wondered if the Thestrals could see him, if they were afraid of him, or if they were indifferent. If maybe he was disturbing a special time not only to Theo but to them. “I... I wondered where you were going.” He admitted, knowing being honest was the way to go, plus, he was never good about lying to Theodore Nott. He caught his lies easily.

“And did you think it was the best of the ideas to almost give me a bloody heart attack?” He asked, a little more confident, but his cheeks were still flustered and he was still holding half a piece of raw meat in his hand.

“Did they run away?” Blaise asked, looking around again, and trying to re-conduct Theo's anger and attention from himself, to the Thestrals.

“Some of them.” Theo admitted, looking behind him. His hand moving to touch the head of a smaller Thestral right behind him. Blaise just saw his pale hand curling and moving through the air. “There are two smaller ones here.” Blaise narrowed his eyes, moving closer, as if he would see them any better, and it made Theo chuckled, a happier, youthful expression on his face. “Do you want to try to feed them?”

Blaise blinked, surprised at the request, and then looking at Theo again. “Will they allow me to?”

Theo nodded again, kneeling down, and Blaise mimicked his actions, kneeling next to them. “They will trust you because you're with me.”

And then Theo raised his hand, and soon Blaise could see how the remains of the raw meat disappeared quickly, leaving only rivulets of blood. Theo rummaged through his bag again, and without much of a warning, he dropped a heavy, squishy and bloody piece of meat on Blaise's hand. He couldn't help the faint expression of disgust on his face and Theo rolled his eyes at him, but then, a tiny piece of meat was cut off from the main chunk, and the expression changed to a beam. “They are eating.” He added, emphasizing the obvious.

But Theo was beaming too, looking happy, instead of guarded and demure. Maybe glad he was sharing this with someone else, instead of being ashamed of it. “I told you they would trust you.”

And like that, they fell quiet for a while, and Blaise got to share this small routine and ritual Theo had with the Thestrals sometimes. He couldn't see them at all, but he could feel the meat disappearing from his hand, and Theo's kind, kind, hands touching what Blaise assumed to be the head, or the loin or the snout of a Thestral.

“How do they look?” Blaise broke the silence after a while, mesmerized by the last chunks of meat disappearing in front of his eyes between mouthfuls of teeth he couldn't see. He had seen in books illustrations of the Thestrals, skeletal and macabre looking, with hollow eyes and bat wings. Half horses, half curse. A tell-tale about the fact why only those who has seen death could see them.

Theo fell silent for a while, and Blaise assumed he was looking at the Thestrals, maybe trying to find the right words to describe them, but when his mouth finally opened, the description wasn't what Blaise expected to hear.

“They look peaceful.”

And it was then, when Blaise understood why Theo disappeared sometimes for hours, and how his What Theodore Nott Did During The Evenings He Had Quidditch Practice Mission ended.