Crumba

at work at old navy, googling real photos of biblical humanoids being harvested so their dna can used to grow "future soldiers" and becoming so frightened i find a pair of socks to throw up, one half of barf for each sock. i am not fired because I am the Old Navy Master's child

encountered a batch of vat-grown perfect soldiers with genes from 15 foot tall biblical humanoids and none of them follow u

Russian roulette soundboard where what button is assigned to what sound is switched randomly. one is the kid saying "21" and the other 5 sounds are the shrieking from Frankie Teardrop

tracking down the gray circle from the Soundtracks for the Blind album cover but it turns out he's super smug about being on a famous album and keeps lying to me about how he's still "getting dumb pussy" or something

Mario is dead, Luigi is dead, Princess Peach is dead, the Toads are dead, Link is dead, Zelda is dead, Ganon is dead, the Pikmin are dead, the Splatoon are dead, and all of Donkey Kong's friends and loved ones such as Funky Lanky Dixie Diddy Cranky and other Kongs and other beloved Nintendo characters are all dead because of Donkey Kong finding a 9mm Beretta and going crazy from all the head injuries he has had all the years and oblitering alll of his friends and loved ones and now they dead permanenetly. Nintendo characters such as Pikachu and Bulbasaur and Squirtle and Ash and Samus and Ridley and Starfox and Falbo and Captain Falcon are all gone dead and I don't feel so well myself.