alerie hopes for a reprieve from the feeling that starts to grow in their chest the more they think about all that has happened. the loss so felt in every tyrell heart as senya and the child leave a world that was not ready to say goodbye to them yet, the loss that her heart seems to be set on never letting her go of. a loss only daemon seems to quite understand, her mind tells her, for none in her life knew how much pain the loss of a velaryon love leaves behind. alerie feels his presence, the way he puts a plate of food between the two of them ( alerie is sure whatever it is would be as tasty as anything theyāve ever tasted but their chest is so full of wanting something they canāt have that theyāre sure it presses down and thereās no space left for anything else ), the way he sits down so quietly next to them, the way they both want to take his hand but are just as scared of what the comfort will invite. daemonās hand comes as a much needed anchor that alerie holds, while his words come as a rude awakening. all alerie can hear is that not even time will completely free her heart of this tight feeling, a fear of letting it beat fast for anyone ever again. their other hand comes to rest on their face, their elbow resting on the arm of the chair. they beg their tears to not fall for the tyrell knows they wonāt be able to keep that from bringing all that theyāve avoided along with it, months of grief unleashing right there and then if they were not careful.Ā āhe was going to show me life on a ship, he was going toĀ āāāā a lump forms from the words that get caught up in their throat. they had spoken so much of their life together that theyād forgotten how the gods have their own sense of humour. alerie canāt even say his name. āwe talked so much of a life together and nowā¦ā alerie shakes their head, eyes finally meeting daemonās violet ones for a moment before avoiding them again. now, their own gaze is on their belly, their free hand coming to rest on it again.Ā āwhat am i supposed to do with those dreams, daemon?ā a genuine question, wanting to know how to deal with all that would never be.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā daemonĀ neverĀ expectedĀ theĀ lossĀ heāsĀ heldĀ soĀ closeĀ toĀ hisĀ chestĀ toĀ becomeĀ aĀ lifelineĀ extended,Ā aĀ beaconĀ ofĀ lightĀ guidingĀ shipsĀ home.Ā heĀ knowsĀ theĀ lostĀ lookĀ inĀ theirĀ eyes,Ā notĀ likeĀ theyĀ canātĀ findĀ theirĀ wayĀ home,Ā butĀ asĀ thoughĀ theyĀ haveĀ lostĀ theĀ veryĀ homeĀ theyĀ clungĀ to.Ā hisĀ heartĀ achedĀ forĀ it,Ā achedĀ forĀ her,Ā forĀ theĀ wayĀ theĀ godsĀ haveĀ takenĀ andĀ takenĀ fromĀ alerieĀ withĀ noĀ endĀ inĀ sight.Ā ifĀ hisĀ companyĀ canĀ beĀ onlyĀ aĀ slightĀ comfortĀ thanĀ soĀ beĀ it,Ā butĀ heĀ rememberedĀ distinctlyĀ howĀ muchĀ heĀ longedĀ forĀ quietĀ companyĀ afterĀ laenaĀ died,Ā longedĀ toĀ knowĀ thatĀ heĀ wasĀ notĀ asĀ aloneĀ asĀ heĀ felt.Ā toĀ haveĀ someoneĀ atĀ yourĀ sideĀ constantlyĀ andĀ thenĀ toĀ haveĀ themĀ rippedĀ away,Ā itĀ wasĀ aĀ feelingĀ heādĀ notĀ wishĀ onĀ anyone.Ā evenĀ ifĀ theĀ foodĀ goesĀ untouched,Ā itāsĀ importantĀ toĀ himĀ thatĀ theyĀ hadĀ it,Ā thatĀ theyĀ hadĀ somethingĀ atĀ theirĀ disposalĀ toĀ keepĀ theirĀ strengthĀ up,Ā nowĀ moreĀ thanĀ ever.Ā daemonĀ gaveĀ alerieāsĀ handĀ aĀ gentleĀ squeeze,Ā lettingĀ hisĀ thumbĀ rubĀ absentlyĀ alongĀ theĀ backĀ ofĀ herĀ hand.Ā itĀ makesĀ hisĀ chestĀ ache,Ā wonderingĀ howĀ longĀ theyādĀ beenĀ tampingĀ downĀ thoseĀ emotionsĀ justĀ beneathĀ theĀ surface,Ā lettingĀ theĀ stormĀ ofĀ griefĀ build.Ā Ā Ā ā Ā youĀ doĀ notĀ haveĀ toĀ holdĀ yourselfĀ togetherĀ forĀ me,Ā āĀ Ā Ā heĀ offeredĀ quietly,Ā voiceĀ nothingĀ butĀ aĀ gentleĀ murmurĀ betweenĀ theĀ pairĀ ofĀ them.Ā itĀ wasĀ hardĀ toĀ planĀ forĀ aĀ future,Ā toĀ detailĀ yourĀ wantsĀ andĀ yourĀ endeavorsĀ withĀ theĀ oneĀ youĀ love,Ā andĀ thenĀ knowĀ theyādĀ neverĀ comeĀ toĀ fruition.Ā likeĀ heĀ andĀ laenaĀ wishingĀ andĀ planningĀ forĀ childrenĀ theyādĀ neverĀ have,Ā orĀ chartingĀ theĀ beachesĀ ofĀ dragonstoneĀ likeĀ piratesĀ forĀ treasure;Ā aĀ happyĀ marriageĀ thatĀ hadĀ costĀ herĀ herĀ life.Ā itĀ isĀ theĀ motionĀ toĀ theirĀ ownĀ swollenĀ bellyĀ thatĀ pangsĀ him,Ā reminderĀ ofĀ whatĀ theĀ godsĀ keepĀ outĀ ofĀ hisĀ reachĀ evenĀ still.Ā Ā Ā ā Ā youĀ shareĀ themĀ withĀ yourĀ family,Ā withĀ yourĀ child.Ā youĀ teachĀ themĀ toĀ loveĀ theĀ sea,Ā showĀ themĀ greatĀ shipsĀ andĀ letĀ itĀ beĀ whatĀ bringsĀ youĀ closeĀ toĀ himĀ again.Ā āĀ Ā Ā itĀ isĀ soundĀ advice,Ā andĀ heĀ wasĀ sureĀ theyādĀ heardĀ moreĀ thanĀ enoughĀ toĀ notĀ seekĀ itĀ out.Ā fromĀ peopleĀ thatĀ didnātĀ understand,Ā thatĀ didnātĀ knowĀ theĀ griefĀ ofĀ aĀ woundĀ thatĀ feltĀ asĀ freshĀ asĀ anyĀ fleshĀ one.Ā Ā Ā ā Ā youĀ mournĀ them,Ā butĀ thenĀ youĀ makeĀ newĀ ones.Ā itĀ isĀ allĀ youĀ canĀ do.Ā ā