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It’s kinda simple, attention. I’m a fucking attention seeker. But in many other ways, it’s complex. I want that feeling that you get when people care about you in the way that they worry about you. I want people to feel bad for me and know I’m sick because I’ve always been sick and I just want the sickness to be bad enough that people actually notice. I want to be a sad story. I want people to look at me and feel like I’m slipping out of their fingers every minute. I don’t want them to interfere, no, I just want them to see me as I am. I am someone who will never be okay.

i haven't binged in 8 days. Its not a lot, but it feels wonderful. I finally feel like my weight won't slip out of my fingers at any moment. I have control

its so weird that I can't trust myself around food. I am always aware that I'm about to destroy days of hard work before I binge. Why don't I care? What happens to my brain in the moment where I go from "being this light is the only reason I'm alive" to "I couldn't care less" in mere seconds? Who am I?

:)

Do you ever get a word stuck in your head, like it was a song? I do. The word currently stuck in my head is “Apple” what’s yours?

Just a thought