Bastard of the Barrel

ㅤㅤit was a horrid place for his mind to go to. they were at war, for gods' sakes, but it was as if his attention - his feeble, narrow-minded, restless attention - could not stray from the idea. could not stray from the concept of kaz as his enemy. she'd stayed quiet for most of the times whenever they drew up battle plans. there had been one moment where one of the ares kids said something about breaking through kronos' lines and taking down every last one of them, and jesper had caught chiron's eyes, quiet and sad and grieving before the deed was done.

ㅤㅤbut they never crossed paths. jesper didn't want to entertain the idea. looking back on it, he doubts that he would be able to take the shot. or perhaps kaz would strike first, and leave jesper face-down in the street with the rest of the bodies. he would hope not. but still the thought lingers like the mouthful of bad brandy, burning all the way down.

ㅤㅤmaybe this will all go to shit. maybe kaz has changed, irrevocably, and jesper has too, and now they're a bit too far away from what they used to be.

ㅤㅤ" because it's not the same without you around. " jesper palms the back of his neck, glancing away. really, when all things are torn away from her: she is simply a teenager again, alone in a big empty world with every single possible intent to hurt her. camp half-blood is nice; jesper has plenty of friends there, but they're not kaz, and they're not inej. and that is who jesper is seeking in the wake of the bloody, brutal days of the war.

    "That isn't — Jes you know why I left. I can't just return because it isn't the same without me there." Kaz says, exasperated disbelief clearly colouring their tone as they turn to grab their burrito off its plastic tray and stalk away.

      He'd thought after their last conversation that maybe... maybe Jesper now understood somewhat why Kaz had made the decisions he did. Even though she doesn't agree with him, even though they remained on opposing sides of the battlefield, perhaps Jes understands them a little bit better. If she is asking them to return simply because she misses them then... perhaps she never understood it at all.

    There have been many sleepless nights in his time on the road and Kaz has spent most of it running through different scenarios of what would happen if Jesper found him again. What might be said and how he would respond. And sure it makes his heart ache to know Jesper misses them after it felt like they'd been forgotten by her... it just simply isn't enough.

    But then Jesper continues on stopping them dead in their tracks, the burrito slips from their grip and hits the ground with a soft splat as they slowly turn around.

        Not being alone helps most certainly and over their time together Kaz has grown used to Hadrian's company remaining undettered even when he told them why he had been pushed away from his own camp. And over time he's learned how to read him just like he could with his old travelling companions

    A smile curls upon her lips as Kaz moves to mirror Jesper's every movement further affirming the idea in his head that she'd been hoping they might cross paths like this. If Kaz were to be honest with themselves so were they. They'd hoped that Jes would be the attack dog the other team sent — because that meant winning and getting to rub it in would be all the sweeter having personally taken him down. That more than anything, is what pushed them to accept the team's pleas to join them over the other.

I HAVE BEEN SO RECKLESS

independent, private JESPER FAHEY from Ieigh bardugo's SlX OF CROWS, complete with numerous other verses and integrated with personal headcanons. written by rio.

       He has already won by the time Selwyn moves to nip lazily at their skin, his hands following the long line of their body down, and Kaz's textbook falls completely out of their hands with a muted thump. Instead, they wiggle within Selwyn's grip, intent on rolling over within his grip so they can face him properly. They melt back into him once they do, settling their lips into the curve of his neck. They don't quite kiss him yet nor do they bite, but they do allow their teeth to graze across the thin skin at the hollow - humming against his pulse.

ㅤㅤthat is the first thing that crosses jesper's mind. kaz had always been a sharp slash of shadow, built with muscle and sinew, no inch of him wasted. his hair's grown longer. or perhaps not exactly longer, but choppier, like he's been hacking it off with a knife. there's the faint impression of eyebags pressed underneath his eyes.

ㅤㅤthe last time jesper had seen him, they'd been both splattered with blood, monster dust, everything brackish. jesper had met his eyes - jesper in a helmet that made his eyes look like a sharp length of a blade, narrow and pointed - and they'd gone their separate ways, unwilling to meet each other on a battlefield that asked them to do that exact thing. and then the time he'd seen kaz before that -

@crowgreeds said — " i thought you said you never wanted to see me again. "

         Running into Jes at some outdoor food court thing was the last thing they were expecting to happen.

        Kaz remembers their argument - the harsh words thrown back and forth - and he remembers walking away from it with anger in his heart and a whole lot of pain. He remembers seeing Jes a few times since then but he'd never dared to get close to her, and neither did she to him. Kaz always looked out for them though - and on a not-so-subconscious level had done everything they could to make luck sway Jes' way. And now she is here in front of them again, quipping at them to shut up like nothing has changed. Until she opens her mouth to continue, words spilling out like water.

         Come home. Come back.

       Kaz's jaw clenches at that, apprehension flickering clearly across his face. It has been quite some time since he was last spoke to Jes, even longer since he last was at camp. Jesper knows full well why they'd left and joined the other side, how they feel about living as they had there, so why -

I HAVE BEEN SO RECKLESS

independent, private JESPER FAHEY from Ieigh bardugo's SlX OF CROWS, complete with numerous other verses and integrated with personal headcanons. written by rio.

KAZ IS GRIPPING onto him like he is a lifeline. selwyn understands. if he lets his mind float about for more than a few seconds, he can feel it all seeping off kaz - the confusion, the loss, the misery of the past few days. kaz is being run into the ground. they all are. it lurks at the very edge of selwyn's mind, tempting in a way that chants it will satiate you. but this matters - this matters more than anything right now. if they fall here, if bree disappears underneath arthur's shadow, then - what shall he do with kaz and selwyn both?

     They can't breathe, Kaz can't breathe, because what Selwyn is preparing to do is something not only unprecedented, but it is beyond dangerous. That alone wouldn't normally be enough to shake Kaz, he has full trust in Selwyn's capabilities, but the possibility of losing him should he and Nick be unable to wake Bree from the dream she's been forced into has them terrified.

       Selwyn had pulled him aside despite the critical nature of the situation at hand. Had taken the time to explain to him what he might have to do and now suddenly Kaz finds it hard to breathe, hard to think past the panicked voice in their head that screams 'you are going to lose him', and his hands curl childishly in the front of Selwyn's shirt as if that is enough to keep him here. To keep him safe. They know it's not enough — that Selwyn will do what he feels he has to despite everything else. They can't ask him not to and yet the fear of being alone, of losing another person they love, has their mouth shaping the words anyway. Desperate to keep Selwyn from slipping away to somewhere they are unable to follow.

     For an instant after they say it Selwyn doesn't say anything in response. Then - slowly he coaxes one of their hands away from his shirt, cups it within his own, and kisses their knuckles in a way that feels far too much like a goodbye. A shudder passes through their frame, shaking them like a glass window in a storm, and they drag Selwyn forward in an instant. Not to deliver a kiss but simply to hold him close. Their hand not tangled in his settles over his heart and Kaz takes in its steady thrum one last time as their foreheads rest together.

that doesn't matter right now, though. what matters is that this man - a stranger in black, like a thick blot of shadow - had entered the room and swung immediately. charles sort of wishes that this jordie lad had given him more information on the man they'd sent to help out with: mostly the fact that maybe this man would be able to see him immediately, and that his cane was tipped with iron at the edge.

     Kaz reacts purely upon instinct — rather than stopping to ask who this person clad in strange-looking clothes is they shift their grip upon their cane and lash out with all the force they can muster. The end of their cane strikes true against the stranger's shoulder but other than a slight twist to his expression and a careful step taken back, the person gives no indication of having felt much pain. There was no sound of cracking bone either, despite Kaz *seeing* and *feeling* the cane connect directly with his shoulder plate. Instead, a thick, greyish smoke rises from the point of contact as if Kaz had just taken open flame to the other boy rather than just his cane.

       The person that stands behind that bar is also unfamiliar to them and though they smile at them pleasantly, Kaz can't help but to squint at them with open suspicion - the look of an animal prepared to bite at a moment's notice. Although he moves to approach the bar, they do not move to touch the strange liquid that is set out before them.