The Hornet's Nest

The dugout and the team who signed Manuel Neuer!

The sun was out once more and so were Lesward’s signs. But even more special was the ‘dug out’. Hours of fun and photo opportunities for the crowd, but the ref spoilt all that and gathered the teams together for the start of the match. The ‘Shield Maiden’ was watching from the touchline. So it was down to the chaps once more.

The game kicked off and the Swarm were swarming but to no avail as the opposition easily held the yellows at bay. Joe ‘The Holts’ Holton burst through the defence only to find a bobbling ball defeat his shot on goal, followed by Nicolai ‘Stroller’ Brown who played a great pass into the penalty area only for the ball to fall at the feet of a defender. Then a melee in the box led to a penalty. Harrison ‘Thor’ Branch calmly stepped up and struck the ball well, only for the crowd’s cheer of delight to be quietened by the World cup winning goalkeeper as he sprung superbly to his left to deflect the ball away. So, the game finished 0-0 at half time.

Highlight of the first half - the ‘lineo’ being hit with the ball.

During the half time break Coach Steve worked hard to motivate his troops, lots of gestures (all of them clean!) were employed in an attempt to galvanise the Swarm. Would it work? Was it too hot? Would Zippy get to drink his cup of tea before taking over as ‘lineo’ and would the ‘Shield Maiden be able to stop herself from running onto the pitch to kick some of the boys into shape (or should that read next week?). Anyway, with the sun still blazing down, Mrs H. arrived on the touchline disguised in a black coat scarf and sunglasses. (Why we wonder?) 

But I digress dear reader; you need to hear the rest of the report! So, the ref blew his whistle and the second half started. The yellows pushed forward but a sudden break caught them off guard and completely against the run of play the Hawks soared into the lead.

The Swarm pressed forward with Alex ‘The magician’ Perkins, running onto a through ball which he smashed towards goal but Manuel Neuer – who was going the wrong way, miraculously twisted and dived to his right pushing the ball past the post. The crowd groaned, Coach Steve booted fresh air and Wilbert nearly burst a blood vessel! As the game moved inexorably towards full time, the Swarm had almost total control, but were unable to make it count as shots rained in. Neuer made a couple of easy saves, nothing too taxing for a keeper of his quality, but most of the time, he watched, had a manicure, coiffured his hair and ate bratwurst  as the shots flew past the post or over the crossbar. But, suddenly a ball broke to Alfie ‘Smasher’ Matthews who stabbed the ball past the stranded World cup winner for the equaliser.

The Hornets had a few chances before the final whistle but the Teutonic keeper’s goal was not really threatened again and the match ended 1-1. Man of the match ‘Thor’.

The crowd groaned and left feeling like the Swarm had taken a step back to last season, which had the word ‘frustration’ written all over it! So what have we learnt this week?

a)      If you are going to shoot fells – it needs to be on target!

b)      Coach Steve must be the world champion at ‘Air Football’ – it’s a bit like air guitar but without the music and played with a very grumpy face!

c)       How can a boys football team afford the wages of Manuel Neuer?d)      It’s amazing how much fun you can have with a portable dugout.