I've been a tumblrino since 2012, but I stopped posting and became a lurker for most of a decade. This is probably something better written in a journal, but I like the idea of writing into a void that might answer back.
And, of course, in true manic internet fashion I'm writing and posting this at 3am.
Life has changed a lot since then. Vine came and went, surpassed by TikTok. We dropped Skype and started this new thing for gamers called discord. People finally stopped posting 'Color of the Sky's (though I do love seeing it now and again). Cas admitted his love for Dean and went to super hell. Jenna Marbles retired, YouTubers got canceled, JK Rowling because a terrible person and the the US went to shit over and over again.
But good things happened too. I deprogramed from being a white girl Republican, more comfortable in my skin that ever before as a gender fluid panromantic polysexyal. I *like* myself.
Around 2012, I pulled away from one of my best friends, a girl I was glued to all through highschool. I despised myself, my skin, my body, my mind. I was a convoluted mess of politics, pulled left and right and unable to really connect with any but a few people, ashamed of my views and what I thought was right.
But I grew. I carved my way out of the hollow that was my life piece by piece until I was unrecognizable with the person I was a few years back. I reconnected. I took a chance on love with a boy who was so, so patient and accepting. My family grew and shrank and grew again.
I'm engaged now, to that girl I was in love with all those years ago. I go to be each night in laughter, kissing the girl I've always loved, texting the boy who's loved me through it all, desperately wishing things could be different, closer, better, but happy in the moment all the same.
I wanted to finally leave a mark on the wailing wall that is humanities history, no more and no less than those before me, just another vaver person scrawling on the rock.
Life is scary and horrible and unfair and so, so beautiful, ever changing and growing and tended together by those we love. I'm glad I'm still here. I'm glad for this little life, where I get to share memes of silly dogs, 30 second skits, and edited sound bites.
A lot has changed since 2012, DC got rebooted *again*, Tumblr added a chat feature, and Dragon Age 4 finally came out.
Some things stayed the same through it all, Richrolling and The Game (I'm so sorry)
It's hard but I like this little life, and I'm glad that through ever shifting sands of time, you and I are here now, together. How wonderful is that - us both alive now and able to interact.
So hello Tumblr, hello whoever might be reading this. Whoever you are, whatever your circumstances are, I'm glad you're here with me too. Let's keep living and exploring this world, enjoying the rhythms of life.
turnnoffyourmind
germansingergirl
gummygunk
blakekathryn
andulkaphoto
origamiaround
