* SUFFERED / SURVIVED !

“Jay,” Dick started, leaning back in his seat as he stared at Jason. “I have a really serious question to ask you.” He pursed his lips, then let out a soft sigh. “You know your helmet?” he asked, then looked at his brothers hair. “Do you think it’s the reason your hair looks so good?”  He knew it was probably going to annoy his brother, that he’d set him up for a serious talk, then asked something completely ridiculous. But it still didn’t stop a wide grin spreading across his face. 

[ @crimsonhooded ]

                              “ really ? i guess this would be a good time to tell you that i  seriously  .45 hidden underneath my jacket and i’m not happy to see you. ” jason  PLAYS  along  partially  with the joke despite his posture ; arms folded across his chest and  armed  to the teeth. in truth he had other plans in place , but dick’s visit  REMINDS  him how long it’s been —– and just how good he is at  wasting  his time. “ i can’t believe you’ve called me here to ask about my hair care routine. ”

Steve knows the history of this family is.. complicated. There’s a lot of legacies, a lot of expectation. A lot of hell they’ve all been through. He knows Damian’s the best, the kid’s been so upfront and honest with Steve, and he’s glad because it’s brought them closer together. Now.. it feels like Steve’s starting to get a taste of what’s going on in Jason’s head, every time he doubts something or scoffs at someone, and he’s not even sure where to start.

“I don’t have favourites, Jason.” Steve tells Jason, his voice level. He’s not annoyed - he’s worried, concerned for Jason and the way he’s reaction, the way he clearly feels when it comes to Dick - to all of this. “And I’m not comparing you to Dick. You’re not him - why would I expect you to be? C’mon, kid..” He sighs and drops his hand, a small frown furrowing his forehead. “I don’t expect you to be Dick, or Damian, or Tim or even Bruce. I don’t want you to try and be like any of them for my sake - because you’re not, it’d be stupid to expect something like that. I expect you to be you, because I know I can count on that guy. Alright? Whatever it is that’s going on between you and Dick, or any of your brothers - that doesn’t influence the way I see you. They don’t influence the way I see you. Only person who can do that is you.”

                        there’s a long, TENSE , silence as the muscle in his jaw constricts and slides. there’s so much of his history that  POISONS  his viewpoint , so much residual  ANGER  that just  festered  inside of him until it boiled over. everyone tries to  forgive and forget , to pretend things never happened by, tucking it away and hoping it would all just  fade  away. not jason. not the one who had been so  LONELY  it had steered himself to his demise. and that’s what steve doesn’t get. why it makes his skin crawl that there’s another connection that could drag him back towards the batfamily. 

                        “ speaking for experience , that’s a load of shit. ” his tone hardens and he grows impatient , GLARING  at the older male with budding frustration. no. steve wouldn’t want the  REAL  jason todd. not when steve as the peacemaker, the shelter from the storm. jason was the opposite —– he is a walking revolt , a lit  MOLOTOV  in the midst of a riot. “ what happened with them. what it lead to happen to me. it  influenced  everything. ” he can feel his fist shake at how tightly their clenched, “ and what’s happening here --- well i can fuckin see a repeat of history coming. ” his body is  PRIMED , ready to just hit something. maybe even  kick  a chair out of the way. “ so i get it, my help. not wanted. i’m  leaving  then. ”

“No, seriously.” Steve chuckles and shakes his head, somewhat amused at Jason’s reaction. He doesn’t like that Jason seems to doubt so easily, that he doesn’t trust Steve at his word, but that’s just something they’ll have to work on. Maybe over time Jason will learn to trust him at his word. “I don’t know what comes next. I need to figure it out, but I need to get out there and see what’s going on once things die down enough.”

It takes him by surprise when Jason snaps at him, glancing down at the phone before looking up at Jason again. “What? Yeah - I know Dick. Funny story, actually -” He can’t help but frown as Jason backs away, and suddenly the amusing story of how they met is irrelevant. “Jason, c’mon. That’s not what it is. I don’t think you’re a menace to society, what - what are you talking about? Why would my knowing Dick mean I would ever think that?” He shakes his head and steps towards Jason, reaching out to grasp his shoulder. “Hold on, son. I want you to stay here because I don’t want you to get hurt. It’s not safe out there for any of us right now and I want to make sure you stay safe.”

                          he was always just  RUNNING AWAY  from the things he didn’t want to deal with. he ran from bruce. from dick. from  himself. and that was  exactly  he was planning doing right now. one of the reasons that jason felt so comfortable being with steve was knowing that he woundn’t have the means of finding about his past and just how  FUCKED  up he was now.

                          “ that’s because he’s always the fucking  favorite  . ” he isn’t think when he sees steve reach for him, slapping the other’s hand away and glaring at him instead. he doesn’t mean it --- doesn’t mean to be so  cruel  to someone who has nothing but kind to him. it’s just --- he was so  ANGRY  all the time. too angry to contain himself and too  ashamed  of what he had become to face it. “ and i thought i could escape the fact that i never could be like the great  dick grayson  if i just got the hell out of gotham. so just don’t  fuckin  touch me. and don’t call me  son. i’m  no one’s  son, alright ? ” it was only a matter of time before he stare down at him with a look a  REGRET  and  disapproval  that they all did.

“Maybe not, but you’re not coming out there.” Steve insists, a small frown still spread across his features. He doesn’t want Jason to become a target, just like he doesn’t want Damian to be captured by the League. Until they have a clearer picture of what’s going on, Steve needs to do whatever he needs to to keep both of them safe. “I know.. I know, Jason. I appreciate it. I don’t even know what the next move is, to be honest. One step at a time.” Steve has some ideas, he knows what he wants to do, but he also knows it’s not always that simple.

He raises an eyebrow at Jason’s suggestion. “M’not the one making it complicated, kid. Between this attack and the League, I just.. have to be careful. One slip up is going to cost us a lot.” He frowns as his phone chimes, picking it up - he’d sent some messages out, wanting to make sure people were safe. Namely, wanting to make sure Dick knew his brothers were alright, and it seems he’s safe as well, wherever he is. “You know, the old man jokes are starting to get - well, old.” He chuckles as he taps out a reply to Dick before tucking his phone away in his pocket again. “I’m alright. I look more tired than I feel, it’s okay. I gotta keep an eye out, make sure no one finds us here.”

                            clenching his jaw just enough of a muscle to flex, jason stared hard at the other. he doesn’t get it --- why steve just can’t  accept  that he’s one of the people that has to out there with them. outrunning governments was a  specialty  of his and he not to mention he knew the league --- been part of them for a while --- and more importantly how to fight them. " bullshit. ” jason countered, “ you just don’t want me t’ know. ”

                           drawing his hand away, he was almost ready to just drop the whole argument, for the moment at least. “ whatever. ” jason sighed, nearly pouting like a child as his gaze drifts over to steve’s phone as it buzzed.“ --- hold on. ” raising his hand at the familiar name that flashed across the other’s phone. “ you know dick ? ” retreating back further, jason furrowed his brow deeply. “ s’  that’s  why you’d rather keep here ? so i won’t be a  menace  to society ? ” dropping his hand to the side, a heavy scoff escaped his lips, “ ah for fuck’s sake --- i gotta go. ”

Dick was almost certain he didn’t have the time to be bickering with Jason, yet there they were, bickering like children in the middle of what could only be described as a massacre. “I thought you were one of the masked guys! It’s an easy mistake to make, Jay! You have a gun!” He felt a twinge of annoyance when the other called him golden boy. It really felt like Jason had a permanent problem with him sometimes. “Why have you gotta call me that right now? A second ago I was the idiot. I can’t be both, Jason.” 

He watched as his brother put the gun away, his eyes rolling when he began to insult Dick’s weapons of choice. “My Escrima sticks aren’t stupid. They do a lot less permanent damage than your dumb gun,” he grumbled. “But we all have our preferences.” Dick really did hate to fight with any of his brothers, so he wanted to try and make amends with Jason before they both went back to helping people.

Jumping up from the ground, Dick winced at the pain in his ribs, wrapping an arm around his middle. Reaching out with his other hand, he rested it on Jason’s shoulder. “Don’t be like that. You know I don’t think you do that.” He moved to stand in front of the other, blocking his way. “We could both die in here, Jason, so I don’t think we should end this so bitterly.” Dick hated bringing up the fact that Jason could die, seeing as he’d already done it once before, so it would’ve been a real drag for it to happen to him twice. “I really am sorry for knocking you down, and for hurting your face.”

                         this isn’t the time to be  DIFFICULT  when there was certain more they could get done for the people that needed then if they worked together --- but jason couldn’t keep it up. as much as he  thought  he could keep  CIVIL  around dick when the time called for it, now that he was actually here, standing right in front of the man he had idolized. all he could see was ever reminder of how much of a  FAILURE  he had become. 

                         “ call them what you want --- those  danger batons  aren’t shit. ” but of course --- dick still played by bruce’s playbook.  NO KILLING, NO GUNS. it was practically like it was some damn  commandment  or something. one that never ended a problem  permanently  when things has gotten too out of hand. 

                         there’s a pang of  GUILT  that hits when he sees dick wince as he holds his ribs, but he  snuffs  it out quick, like putting out a cigarette. “  don’t  --- don’t do that. ” jason’s voice is clipped. his body  tense  once the elder’s hand rests on his shoulder. “ don’t  pretend  to care just so you won’t feel bad if it all goes south. ” there was a time that if dick had said something like before, jason would have  believed  it. trusted in it. but this, the way dick was talking to him right now, that was something that came  eight  years too late. “ don’t put up an act for my sake, that ship passed a long time ago. ”

Barbara squinted at him, reaching a hand out and making a grabbing gesture. “Gimme,” she commanded. “I’m starving,” she repeated, unwrapping the chili dog and not caring if she made a mess as she took a large bite. “Would it have been so hard for you to bring food that isn’t 300% grease?” she asked, though she didn’t make another complaint when she took another bite. “For future reference when I get shot by some asshole with a political agenda, I want my laptop. Or a laptop, at least.”

                           once the bag had been snatched from his grip, jason brought his hands up in a passive motion. “ well  s’cuse  me, i just thought a little  nostalgia  would have been nice in the moment. ” jason shrugged, leaning his hip against the table near her bed, “ you seemed to always think chilidogs were a good cure all before. ” folding his arms across his chest, jason glanced over towards the door. visiting hours had been long over, he wasn’t going to have much time before someone came to check on babs. “ in all  honesty  --- i wasn’t really planning on you seeing me. ”

                           pushing himself off of his perch, jason stepped towards the other. “ just stop  making  it complicated then. ” jason countered, “ you’re not going in this alone, s’ just accept that if you don’t let me yourself, i’ll just weasel my way in some other way. ” the chaos is still new and steve already looks  tired  by the way he’s standing and at this rate jason is  obligated  to appoint himself as caretaker this time. “ i know --- but none of them are safe from me either. ” moving closer, jason rested his hand on the other’s shoulder, “ for now, just you need t’ get some rest, old man. age ‘s catching up with you. ” 

                     leaning back against the counter, jason folded his arms as he watched the other. it was no  doubt  that the elder was more than just concerned with what was happening. “ i’m going with you. ” the younger still spoke, tilting his head to the side, “ where ever your planning on going. ”

Dick recognized the voice as it began to curse at him, and he immediately stopped trying to attack the person it belonged to. He let out a yelp of pain when Jason’s knee dug into his ribs, and knew he’d need an x-ray if he got out of there alive. God, he’d made such an awful mistake. But it wasn’t exactly hard to mistake his brother for a masked criminal with a gun. “Jas – STOP!” Dick yelled out, but his brother was clearly far too into holding a grudge to stop fighting him. 

When he felt cool metal of the barrel of the gun press against his skin, Dick went as still as a statue. He didn’t want to be shot by his brother. That would be the worst way to go, and it’d cause such an awful family feud. Damian would probably avenge him, and then Tim would get involved… It’d just be awful. “Yes, it’s me!” he exclaimed, knocking Jason off him as he sat up. “I can’t believe you tried to kill me,” he grumbled, brushing off his jacket. 

“I’m the idiot?!” he asked, glaring at his younger brother. “You shouldn’t have been waving your gun around when there’s maniacs killing people with guns!” Dick knew they were both at fault, and that it was mostly him. “I’m sorry I tried to disarm you. But you really did look like you were about to kill someone.” 

                          as opposed to  POPULAR  belief jason wasn’t someone trigger happy  anarchist --- and he certainly never felt good with knowing he had almost pulled the trigger on his brother dick. but his intent never seemed to matter much enough to anyone. no matter how much he put effort into cleaning up the layer of  GRIME  in any city he was in, he was just wasn’t one of  them  anymore.

                            “  you  tackled me when i was making sure civs got out safe. ” jason hissed back, bracing his arm against the floor underneath him as he was knocked back, grunting softly. it seemed like damian was the only one of them that could stand the sight of a gun with out jumping to somekind of conclusion. “ s’ yeah. you  are  the idiot, golden boy. ”

                           shifting his weight slightly, jason glared at the elder slightly before flicking of the safety of his weapon, holstering it under his jacket. “ a  gun  beats those stupid  sticks  you carry around anyways. ” pushing in himself up, jason swiped at the corner of his mouth, checking if there was any blood from were dick had stuck him across the face. “ don’t i always ? ” jason mocked back, scoffing as he turned away, “ now if you’ll s’cuse me i guess i’ll go back to  terrorizing  the innocent, apparently you all think it’s my  favorite  pastime. ”