-- Crypt Barbie --

chris redfield you are so dear to me. wdym you raised your little sister despite your small age gap because your parents died young and left you two all alone in the world? wdym you play guitar and got you and claire matching leather jackets? wdym you were in the air force but your values overrode your training and you disobeyed your superiors and then got into stars? wdym you co-founded bsaa and watched it decay under the same greed as umbrella? wdym you are an expert marksman and combatant and pilot and strategist and technician etc. wdym you laughed at wesker when you heard his ridiculous grand plan, straight up giggling? wdym you got amnesia and yet remembered leon the second you saw him? wdym you watched piers die? wdym you raised your friend’s daughter after you failed to save him? wdym you are fully aware that america is a capitalistic hellscape and yet the individuality of its people can be salvation and undoing? wdym you are slutted out in sexy add-on outfits more than every other protagonist in the franchise? wdym you’ve smoked all these years? wdym your eyes are either brown or grey and change? wdym you wore a hawaiian shirt to go to a vacation spot that was not even mildly tropical? wdym your brown hair is reddish in the light? wdym you punched a boulder and word got around so a decade later strangers are making fun of you for it? wdym you only got more muscular with age and you’re STILL bigger than leon despite barely being taller than him? wdym your bestie is jill valentine? wdym you make your teammates call you alpha? what did you mean by that?