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Nastya Zakharova photographed by Zoey Grossman for For Love & Lemons (Holiday 2018)

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Ur NB and I have a NB question coming from a ciswoman that I want to ask a NB person-ignore this if it's problematic. I know a NB person who was AMAB, I respect their identity and use their pronouns etc I still feel like the way they treat me, a female friend, is as if they're a shitty straight white dude. They have a particularly entitled attitude, "man"splain me, etc. They have all the bs that I avoid in cismen yet they're not. Do I sound like a terf being bothered by them?

I don't think it's wrong to be bothered by them but u gotta realize that people of all gender identities can be ass holes regardless. There is definitely a privilege that comes with being male passing as I experience with being female passing, and it sounds like you think your friend might be having their cake and eating it too. My best advice would be if you have any mutual friends who are also trans* to have this conversation with them and see if they aren't able to pass the message along somehow. Otherwise it might seem kinda shady coming from a cis person.

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I fucking hate it when you’re in such a fantastically giddy mood and then you see one simple little thing that makes you think, “oh” and then you just get this empty feeling in your chest and you get nauseous and the world just crumbles and you want to just lay under a blanket and close your eyes and fall asleep and never wake up.

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From what my therapist told me, this happens because our emotions aren’t really on the ‘opposite’ ends like we tend to think of it. Happiness is not ‘up’ and sadness is not ‘down’-. In a way they’re actually right ‘next’ to each other.

If you’re super happy, it can turn into super sad very easily, because your emotions are already highly elevated and it’s only a very minor shift as far as your brain is concerned.

Knowing this can help you fight it, and it can help you be more aware of what’s going on while you’re happy and help avoid shifting towards misery.

I used to always wonder why it seemed like my happy days ‘couldn’t last’ or that bad things would ‘always’ happen when I was happy. It’s not that happiness is doomed to fail, it’s that emotions are volatile. I hope that helps people who experience this too- when you understand what’s going on more it’s easier to manage.

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By Priscillia Saada for This is Badland Magazine June 2018

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