Confessions of a Crazy Cat Lady

My fucking brain won’t stop screaming at me. It’s everything and nothing. Hot and cold. It’s all fucked up. I can’t fucking deal anymore.

This is just proof that nobody gives a damn about me.

If you told someone you weren’t well, that you were barely hanging in there, would you ignore them? Tell them “feel better” and leave it at that? I haven’t been a great friend, I know this. But when I told my one friend I am not doing emotionally well, that’s all she said, “feel better”. But I deserve it. I haven’t been there for her and I shouldn’t expect her to be here for me. The fucked up part is I don’t want to be able to confide in her, I want to just bottle it all up until I explode. So why does it bother me so much? I am so fucked up I don’t deserve anything.

If I disappeared, I doubt anyone would care.

I wish I believed in Heaven/the afterlife/Valhalla or whatever because then I’d be able to see you again, Daddy. I am so sad that I hurt.....everywhere. I want badly to be able to hug you again.

I am not okay and there is nothing anyone can do to make it better.