c r a v i n g | u t o p i a

I would kill to look like this

It’s so much more than a bloody cut that sits in on the surface of your skin.

It travels for miles and miles touching unwanted territory.

It’s the skin that has become so worn and raw that no bandage is sticky enough.

That even the softest clothing imaginable becomes prickly, coarse sandpaper.

The clear water turned red, that is never red enough in your eyes.

An embrace is no longer met with warmth but instead has been replaced with a stiff wince.

Constantly bracing for impact.

me, internally:

do you wanna fucking fight? do you want me to fucking starve BETTER than you? this is a competition and I WILL win and I WILL eat less an-

✔ you upped your sodium intake so now your body is holding onto water ✔ you ate more carbs than usual so now they are acting like sponges and holding onto water ✔ you exercised (especially strength training with weights) and now your muscles are repairing themselves to grow by holding onto more nutrients  ✔ you ate later than usual the night before so the stomach is still digesting the food ✔ you weighted yourself earlier than usual so the stomach had less time to digest food ✔ you haven’t pooped yet ✔ your body is stressed (for example by eating too few calories) and so it’s holding onto water as a defense mechanism

these are not:

✖ you went over your limit by a few hundreds kcal ✖ you ate carbs/fats/fear foods ✖ you are a failure ✖ your ed/obsession/coping mechanism is not real or valid give it another day or two and everything will be back to normal. 

take a deep breath. 

everything is fine. 

i promise. and if you are still not convinced there are so many people out here myself included that can reassure you again and again about it.

https://blue—rain.tumblr.com/