Ramblings of a Dying Adolescence

i wake up with the constant fear of a cornered animal. i have no faith in a future for me, but i need to do something, fight for myself. i would just like to wake up excited to be alive and with something to do in life. i just hope that in the next few months i can discover the drive to get further in life.

in contrast to the secluded simple island life living in expanse. living in a crowded but cozy old apartment in a city is also quite appealing. it exists as it’s own solitary haven from intense life. boots, wool sweaters, and corduroy pants in winter times seeking comfort in the enveloping warmth of and old radiator. romanticized struggle doing poorly but in a comfy way.

sometimes perspective can change wildly in any scenario. lately even though i’ve felt worse than i have in quite a while, some days like today can turn things around even for a few moments. i don’t always have hope for things for me but sometimes i get excited. i can’t wait for college, the prospect of being able to do what i want in life, talking to girls, all that stuff. truly i wanna live on an island, i just wanna live a simple life with the things i like. things just don’t work that way. nothing really can be that simple. it’d be nice, indulging in simple pleasures of life