Cranberry - Bloody Tom and the Coffin Riders... Colter the first wave
This is part V of a series. If you want to read parts I through IV - follow these links: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV
Or you can just jump right in here!
"...So - to be clear - when you say: 'kicking an ass,' it has nothing whatsoever to do with animal abuse?"
I had to be sure, but I could tell that Bloody Tom was getting a little tired of explaining it.
I glanced over at Eli who had been consolidating our armaments with Ezekiel, the mayor's slow witted, but affable son. They were stockpiling ammunition along the back wall of the bunkhouse we were in. The pile had grown large and alarmingly unstable, so I was glad he was there to help organize it all.
I noticed Eli pause, and take a seat on one of the crates. As he settled in, he leaned forward to watch our conversation. It was as though he were about to observe something very amusing.
Then my attentions were swiftly drawn back to our discussion as Bloody Tom slapped his hand on the table, causing the plates and utensils to rattle and dance slightly. He wasn't known for his patience.
"For fuck's sake Cranny! NO! 'Kicking ass' is when you beat someone's shit! You WIN - and... and the other dude is your bitch!"
The Coffin Riders had taken to calling me "Cranny."
At first I did not like the name at all. It sounded a little like 'granny' and also evoked dark places in old cellars where insects might hide.
Yet over time, I got used to it, and realized it's not the word - but who is saying it and how it is meant, that is most important. Now I find it has a rather endearing quality, and it would be most strange to hear my new friends refer to me by any other name.
Also, Tom's logic was starting to make sense - but now the word 'bitch' had been added to the taxonomical mix - and it's use generated more questions.
I leaned over the table and turned the key on the lamp to kill the flame as the morning sun's pale, cold rays had just started to slant into the window.
We could be attacked any day now and needed to save the kerosene.
As I pursued my line of questioning, I softened my voice to signal my earnest desire to know. I really wanted to understand how they thought about things.
"I see... but when you bring the term 'bitch' into the mix Tom, it just sounds more and more like you have some kind of vendetta against animals."
Eli made a sudden weird grunting sound as if he was stifling a sneeze. An understandable reaction, as it was quite dusty where he was sitting.
Bloody Tom opened his mouth to fire back, but I quickly put a hand up to signal I wasn't finished and continued.
"Now before you say anything - I understand that 'bitch' doesn't simply mean a female dog. I know that it is also applied to horrible ladies, and often it can be men who you are able to overpower and intimidate. But still - it just seems to me like you have something against animals in general. Animal related slurs are frequently directed at the center of whatever is vexing you in the moment."
Tom's eyes glazed over and he looked down at the rough hewn table we sat at. With his fingertips, he slowly pushed away the tin mug of coffee in front of him. It was as though this vessel contained the source of all his troubles.
"Cranny - I don't even..."
He turned to Eli, but found no help there. Eli had gone back to stacking the ammunition with Ezekiel. When he turned back to me and spoke, it was quiet... controlled, and only the slightest tremor in his voice gave away his profound annoyance. I was truly touched by my leader's sincere attempts to modulate is temper for me.
"We're gonna have to table this little discussion, because - it's time for me to go annnnnnd uh... do something meaningful now - so Cranny, I'm going to go out and kill us all some food."
I was embarrassed by my own impertinence and frustrated by my lack of ability to understand the vernacular of the west. I also wanted to do something meaningful too and made a suggestion.
"Tom... I couldn't help noticing that there are bright red barrels and crates containing TNT inexplicably scattered all over town. That could be enormously dangerous if we are attacked. Shall I remove them to a single, safe location?"
I heard that strange stifled sneeze sound come from Eli's direction again. When I glanced at him, I thought he was smiling - but it could have just been gas. It's hard to say with the quality of the canned food here in Colter.
I was most pleased to hear Bloody Tom agree with my idea.
"Uhhhh... fuck yes you should move them to a safe location. That would be a great idea Cranny! Won't lie - kinda thought that had already happened by now... but - whatever, just get all that shit stowed. Get a wagon and some help - and move those fuckers into the basement of the old church pronto!"
Eli slid the last ammunition crate into place and knocked the dust from his hands as he addressed me.
"I'll give you a hand with that Cranny -"
He turned to the young man who had been helping him - and patted him good naturedly on the shoulder.
"Thanks Zeke, you were a big hel-"
KRACK-A-BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!
Zeke's head was there one moment and then suddenly... it was gone! Only his neck stump remained, belching up a terrible fountain of dark red foam. Eli's wide eyes were bright as they contrasted against his blood spattered face - yet surprisingly - he was the first to speak. He turned to Bloody Tom and me as we just stared...
"I swear - I just touched him on the shoulder. Seriously, it was just a friendly pat - it wasn't that har- "
The whole front of the building exploded inwards. It was like the furniture, all the jars on the shelves - everything sprung to life and flew at us in a mad rage. Eli and I were flung like dolls against the back wall and I dimly saw Bloody Tom fly off in the opposite direction, crashing like a meteor through tables, chairs and bunks.
The ammunition boxes ruptured and the shelves caved in causing thousands of bullets to slide and cascade down, piling up around Eli and me burying us in loose clattering heaps of brass and lead.
As the ringing in my ears subsided, I could hear the sounds of gunfire and shouting coming through the smoking, blackened ruin that was once the front of our bunkhouse. I could smell smoke - sulfur...
I felt a hand on my shoulder, and realized it had been there a while and was shaking me. It was Eli -
I sat up causing the bullets that had covered me to slide off chattering onto the floor. I ran my hands over my body and did a quick assessment.
"I, uh - y-yes... fine... and you??"
Eli was already unslinging his gun and stuffing cartridges in his pockets.
"Yeah, I'm good. We're under attack and need to move quick - where's Bloody - "
From the far corner of the room, we first heard - then saw to our great relief - Bloody Tom emerge unscathed from beneath a pile of broken burning furniture and twisted metal. He wasn't happy...
"Yeah - I'm fine TOO! Thought I'd just mention that since NO ONE is asking. But I guess that's because I'm just a worthless piece of shit... But hey - I'm glad YOU'RE okay!"
Eli just rolled his eyes as though it were some inside joke - but I called to our leader over the sound of sliding debris and settling rubble. I was horrified that he would think such a thing!
"Oh Tom that is not true we were SO very concerne - "
WWWWWHHHHHAAAABLAAAAAMMM!
A huge explosion hit the church just across the narrow street from our destroyed building. The shockwave knocked us all to the ground as soot and ash rained down everywhere. Again, the ringing in my ears gave way to more shouts and gun fire. As we scrambled to our feet a second time - the light behind me was blocked by something - or someone - coming through the opening!
I spun up to my knees and drew my LeMat - but held fire - it was Mr. Grimfrost! He was standing on a pile of broken stone that had once been a chimney.
Like us, he was covered with soot, and paused calmly to brush some burning embers from the shoulder of his jacket. When he spoke it was in that gentle, relaxed way of his that made every situation seem quite reasonable.
"It looks like the attack started a little early... so... when you ladies are done napping - we could really use your help."