Cracking The Man Code

It's called the 3-second rule, and how it works is you assess, make sure it's something you want to do, and if it's something you want to do, count to three and go.

The longer, metaphorically, you stand on this rail, the scarier it becomes. The more you get in your head about it, the more hesitant you are, the less likely you are to take action.

The 3-second rule: Give yourself three seconds and go talk to that guy. Give yourself three seconds and go take the action that you want. Just count to three and go.

When you just go for what you want and don't let fear hold you back, you'll be amazed at the things you can accomplish.

Ready? 1, 2, 3, GO!"

Transcription:

Hey everybody, this is Mat Boggs. And I’m on vacation right now and I wanted to bring you to one of my favorite places in the world. I’m from Oregon, and what you are about to see here is the Wilson River footbridge. And so here we are. You can see it behind me. It’s kind of bright, but there are some rapids, there’s the family. Hello, family! My wife and daughter. And then this way is the river. And this Wilson River footbridge, we used to come here when we were in high school and jump off this footbridge and a rope swing and have a lot of fun here.

So I wanted to share with you a special insight someone taught me about a way to get yourself to take action, whether it’s approaching someone that you want to talk to or whether it’s starting a business or whether it’s take and important action in your life. It’s called the 3-second rule, and how it works is you assess, make sure it’s something you want to do, and if it’s something you want to do, count to three and go. The longer, metaphorically, you stand on this rail – in a moment, I’m going to jump off this bridge here. First time today I’ll be jumping off this bridge. And it’s scary. It’s about 40 feet up and the more you think about it, the scarier it becomes. The more you get in your head about it, the most hesitant you are, the less likely you are to take action. The 3-second rule: Give yourself three seconds and go talk to that guy. Give yourself three seconds and go take the action that you want. Just count to three and go.

And it's the story of the Chinese bamboo. Perhaps you've heard this story. And the way that Chinese bamboo grows, when you plant this seed, if you take really good care of it and you carry the water and you water this seed and you give it the right amount of light and dark, after the first year, it will grow two inches, just this tiny amount. The second year, if you take really good care of this plant, bringing the water, watering this plant, giving it the right amount of light, the right amount of dark, the second year it will grow two inches. And you’re looking at this growth over two years or work and you’re thinking, "This isn’t working. This sucks. Like look at that. I'm only getting this little four-inch plant." The third year, if you keep the faith, if you stay with this and you carry the water, haul that water, water it, give it the right amount of light and dark, again, if there's any growth at all, it will grow about two inches. The fourth year, you haul that water, you stay focused, you pour the water in. Again, if there's any growth at all, it's about two inches.

And so now you're looking at this tiny plant saying, "I've invested four years into this effort and this is what I've got." And for anyone, that would be discouraging. For anyone, that would feel like this hopeless effort. But when understand the law of how this growth works, it can fuel your desire to ultimately create the result that you want because, on year five, if you keep hauling that water and you keep nurturing this plant, in year five, within six weeks, this plant will grow 80 feet. It will skyrocket up.

Most people think that the plant actually accelerates its growth in year five. But after researching this, I've discovered it doesn't. In fact, the plant is growing at the same rate the entire five years.

How can that be? Well, that's because the plant is growing at a rapid rate under the ground. The plant starts with its root system, its rhizome system, shooting out those rhizomes, creating a solid foundation, anchoring itself in the earth so that, in year five, when it shoots up, it can withstand the storm, it can withstand the wind that's going to hit it, it can withstand the rain that's going to come its way, it can withstand the challenges that it's going to face when it's 80 feet in the air.

And often, you and I are the same way. We will be working toward something, we will be growing ourselves and we will look around and we won't see the results that we want and we'll have this thought like, "Why isn’t this working? What's going on?" all the while not realizing that it's our rhizome system that's growing, it's our foundation becoming strong so that when we achieve the dream that we want, whatever that might be for you, that you will be strong enough and solid enough in who you are, in your foundation, that whatever might come your way, the wind, the rain, the storms, the opinions, the breakups, whatever it might be, that you're going to be strong enough to live your life on purpose, in alignment with who you are and the greatness that you came to be.

So know this: Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it's not going to happen. And when it does happen for you, when the love of your life comes into your life, your life will change like this. One day, you won't have met him, and the next day, you'll bump into him in the grocery store and then, from that moment on, you're in this incredible relationship that's thriving and alive. So know that to be true. Hold that in your mind and know that you’re growing yourself. As long as you're growing yourself and moving in that direction, keep doing that because that will lead you to an amazing life that you're living.

Transcription:

Hey, this is Mat Boggs, and today we’re going to talk about a pretty serious question that gets asked in my community in a lot of different ways actually. And it was recently asked by one of my coaching clients and it pretty much boils down to this: “Will I ever find love? Will I always be single in my life?”

And it can rise up in this feeling of this hopelessness or depression because of how long you may have been single. In a lot of my online webinars, I’ll say, “How long has it been since you’ve had a great relationship?” And women will chime in and they’re write, you know, “20 years,” or, “My whole life,” or, “For five years or ten years.” And when there’s that much time that’s gone by since you’ve experience something good, the hopelessness can definitely start to creep in. And I want to share a story with you that always inspires me whenever I feel like I want to create a change that I haven’t seen in a while.

And it’s the story of the Chinese bamboo. Perhaps you’ve heard this story. And the way that Chinese bamboo grows, when you plant this seed, if you take really good care of it and you carry the water and you water this seed and you give it the right amount of light and dark, after the first year, it will grow two inches, just this tiny amount. The second year, if you take really good care of this plant, bringing the water, watering this plant, giving it the right amount of light, the right amount of dark, the second year it will grow two inches. And you’re looking at this growth over two years or work and you’re thinking, “This isn’t working. This sucks. Like look at that. I’m only getting this little four-inch plant.” The third year, if you keep the faith, if you stay with this and you carry the water, haul that water, water it, give it the right amount of light and dark, again, if there’s any growth at all, it will grow about two inches. The fourth year, you haul that water, you stay focused, you pour the water in. Again, if there’s any growth at all, it’s about two inches.

And so now you’re looking at this tiny plant saying, “I’ve invested four years into this effort and this is what I’ve got.” And for anyone, that would be discouraging. For anyone, that would feel like this hopeless effort. But when understand the law of how this growth works, it can fuel your desire to ultimately create the result that you want because, on year five, if you keep hauling that water and you keep nurturing this plant, in year five, within six weeks, this plant will grow 80 feet. It will skyrocket up.

Now, most people leave the story there when they’re telling the story, they’re understanding the story. Most people don’t understand what’s happening with this plant all along the way. Most people think that the plant actually accelerates its growth in year five. But after researching this, I’ve discovered it doesn’t. In fact, the plant is growing at the same rate the entire five years. “But how could that be?” you might be thinking. Well, that’s because the plant is growing at a rapid rate under the ground. The plant starts with its root system, its rhizome system, shooting out those rhizomes, creating a solid foundation, anchoring itself in the earth so that, in year five, when it shoots up, it can withstand the storm, it can withstand the wind that’s going to hit it, it can withstand the rain that’s going to come its way, it can withstand the challenges that it’s going to face when it’s 80 feet in the air.

And often, you and I are the same way. We will be working toward something, we will be growing ourselves and we will look around and we won’t see the results that we want and we’ll have this thought like, “Why isn’t this working? What’s going on?” all the while not realizing that it’s our rhizome system that’s growing, it’s our foundation becoming strong so that when we achieve the dream that we want, whatever that might be for you, that you will be strong enough and solid enough in who you are, in your foundation, that whatever might come your way, the wind, the rain, the storms, the opinions, the breakups, whatever it might be, that you’re going to be strong enough to live your life on purpose, in alignment with who you are and the greatness that you came to be.

So know this: Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen. And when it does happen for you, when the love of your life comes into your life, your life will change like this. One day, you won’t have met him, and the next day, you’ll bump into him in the grocery store and then, from that moment on, you’re in this incredible relationship that’s thriving and alive. So know that to be true. Hold that in your mind and know that you’re growing yourself. As long as you’re growing yourself and moving in that direction, keep doing that because that will lead you to an amazing life that you’re living.

Now, if this inspired you, I encourage you to share it with someone else who may need to hear this message on this particular day.

So I have a question for you. What challenge are you facing in your love life that you would love solved? If you could solve anything, what would you love solved? Go ahead and post that in the comments section below. I love reading your questions and that helps generate great content that I can record a video to serve you on this channel.

And if this video inspired you, please share it with someone who you think will get value from this video. If you’re not subscribed to this channel, make sure to go ahead and click that Subscribe button so that you can be the first to get the latest and greatest video as they come out each and every week, and to serve you, I’ve posted a link in this video and in the description below where you can click and get a resource that will help you expand the love in your life and make a difference for you. Thank so much for watching. I’ll see you soon.

Want more? Check out this FREE eBook that reveals the 5 Feminine Qualities high value men find IRRESISTIBLE.

In other words, our circumstances, our bank account, the amount of money we have, our love life, the types of men that you're attracting, all that is always a perfect reflection of your internal state of being--your mentality, your emotional state, and the actions that you're taking. So if you want to change that pattern, there's a way that you can do that. I'm going to give you three simple but highly effective words that you can use to shift the old pattern and create something new in your life.

So, if we have patterns in our lives, then the question becomes, "How do we change that pattern?"

You and I are both operating with a part of our brain called the RAS, the reticular activating system. And what's interesting about the RAS is that the job of the RAS is to go out in our life and seek evidence that supports our belief. For example, if you believe that you're about to get a new red Honda, then all of a sudden, as you're driving around, your RAS goes and operates and starts to identify all the new red Hondas on the road.

The challenge is the RAS also makes us blind or asleep to things that are in opposition to our major dominant belief. So if you believe there are no good men out there, then you’re going to spot all the no-good men and miss the good men who are right in front of you.

So here's the first step in changing the patterns of the results that you create in your life and then I'm going to give you these three magic words.

The first step is to stop telling your story. Because neurons that fire together wire together. In other words, the more that you tell your story with your girlfriends about the horrible date that you went on or how there are no good men out there or another guy was a total narcissist, those men-bashing conversations that may feel good the moment, but it is deadly to the success of your future relationship because you're re-patterning. You're hardwiring those beliefs the more that you rehearse them emotionally and mentally. The more that you tell those stories, the more you're hard-coating those beliefs into your mind. Neurons that fire together wire together.

So my encouragement for you is the moment you're about to tell an old story about how all the guys you meet are losers or about how maybe it's not in your soul pattern to have love or maybe you're unlovable, whatever that old story is, stop yourself and add these three magic words: Up until now.

When you notice yourself start to tell that story, say, "You know, up until now, I haven't attracted men that I'm interested in. But starting now, I am" and then name the affirmation for your new life. For example, you might say, "Up until now, I've attracted unavailable men, but now I'm attracting me who are open-hearted and want a committed relationship."

When you begin interrupting the old story, the old thought pattern, and replacing it with the words "up until now," you're signaling your subconscious mind that you're changing the direction of your life. When you insert a powerful new belief, you're signaling the captain of your ship that you're heading in a new direction. And here's the cool part: you literally begin to change and rewire your neurons. You begin to change the neurological landscape of your mind such that your RAS now goes to work on your behalf, attracting to you the positive results that are in alignment with these new beliefs that you're installing. So this begins to change your story, it begins to change what you're aware of, it begins to change how you feel about yourself and what you attract into your life, and you will attract an amazing man who loves you who you love and you guys can create an amazing relationship together.

Transcription:

Hey, this is Mat Boggs. Have you ever noticed that there’s a pattern to the kind of guy you attract in your life? You know, maybe you’re attracting the narcissist, the guy who only talks about himself. Or maybe you’ve noticed that you attract emotionally unavailable men, men who only want sex or just to fool around. Or maybe you consistently attract guys you’re not really that into but they’re totally into you. Well, here’s the interesting thing: the results that we see in our life are always a reflection of our internal state of being. So, in other words, our circumstances, our bank account, the amount of money we have, our love life, the types of men that you’re attracting, all that is always a perfect reflection of your internal state of being – your mentality, your emotional state, and the actions that you’re taking. So if you want to change that pattern, there’s a way that you can do that. I’m going to give you three simple but highly effective words that you can use to shift the old pattern and create something new in your life. Let’s go over to the office and I’ll share with you what those words are.

So, if we have patterns in our lives, then the question becomes, “Well, how do we change that pattern?” So you and I are both operating with a part of our brain called the RAS, the reticular activating system. And what’s interesting about the RAS is that the job of the RAS is to go out in our life and seek evidence that supports our belief. So, for example, if you believe that you’re about to get a new red Honda, then all of a sudden, as you’re driving around, your RAS goes and operates and starts to identify all the new red Hondas on the road. This has probably happened to you where you’re about to buy a new car and you’re like, “Oh my gosh, look at all these cars that are just like the car I’m going to get. They must’ve discovered somehow that I was going to get this new car, they went all out and got this new car.” Right?

Well, the challenge is the RAS also makes us blind or asleep to things that are in opposition to our major dominant belief. So if you believe there are no good men out there, then you’re going to spot all the no-good men and miss the good men who are right in front of you. Case in point, I was on a coaching call with a woman and she was telling me, “I’m a woman who never takes action and, to boot, I don’t know one honest, good guy in my life. Every guy I know is a liar and cheats and is a horrible guy.” And I’m on the phone with her and I’m telling her, “Well, not every guy you know is a horrible guy.” And she was like, “Yes, they are.” And I said, “Well, I am on the phone with you. You know me. What does that make me?” And she was like, “Well, all right, well, there’s one exception.” And the case in point here is that she was asleep to not only me as a great guy in her life, but all the other great men in her life. She wasn’t even aware of that.

So here’s the first step in changing the patterns of the results that you create in your life and then I’m going to give you these three magic words. The first step is to stop telling your story. Because neurons that fire together wire together. In other words, the more that you tell your story with your girlfriends about the horrible date that you went on or how there are no good men out there or another guy was a total narcissist, those men-bashing conversations that may feel good the moment you’re having drinks with your girlfriend, having some wine and you’re going over this and rehashing this may feel good in the moment, but it is deadly to the success of your future relationship because you’re re-patterning. You’re hardwiring those beliefs the more that you rehearse them emotionally and mentally. The more that you tell those stories, the more you’re hard-coating those beliefs into your mind. Neurons that fire together wire together. So my encouragement for you is to go on an old story fast. Refuse to tell the old story. Instead, tell the story of the life that you’re creating in your life, and here’s what I mean.

The moment you’re about to tell an old story about how all the guys you meet are losers or about how maybe it’s not in your soul pattern to have love or maybe you’re unlovable, whatever that old story is, stop yourself and add these three magic words: Up until now. Up until now. When you notice yourself start to tell that story, say, “You know, up until now, I haven’t attracted men that I’m interested in. But starting now, I am…” and then name the affirmation for your new life. You might say, “Up until now, I’ve attracted unavailable men, but now I’m attracting me who are open-hearted and want a committed relationship.” You may say, “Up until now, I’ve believed that all the good ones are taken, but now I’m believing more and more, every day, that it only takes one amazing man, and what if meeting him were easy?” You might say, “Up until now, I felt like maybe I was unlovable, but I know that I deserve love and I’m attracting an incredible relationship in my life.”

When you begin interrupting the old story, the old thought pattern, and replacing it with the words “up until now,” you’re signaling your subconscious mind that you’re changing the direction of your life. When you insert a powerful new belief, you’re signaling the captain of your ship that you’re heading in a new direction. And here’s the cool part: you literally begin to change and rewire your neurons. You begin to change the neurological landscape of your mind such that your RAS now goes to work on your behalf, attracting to you the positive results that are in alignment with these new beliefs that you’re installing. So this begins to change your story, it begins to change what you’re aware of, it begins to change how you feel about yourself and what you attract into your life, and you will attract an amazing man who loves you who you love and you guys can create an amazing relationship together.

So my client, who was attracting these guys who were liars and cheaters and that she didn’t like, began to shift her story. She stopped telling that old story. She started using the words “up until now,” started telling a new story, and through coaching and few processes that I taught her, she began to shift the results she was attracting. And sure enough, in a short period of time, she attracted a great man, a man who was in alignment with the vision that she had created. They fell in love, he’s totally into her, she’s totally into him, and they’re enjoying a fulfilling, amazing relationship today.

So I would love to hear from you. Post a comment below. Share a story you are changing, right? “Up until now, I’ve attracted…” and then whatever it’s been, “Unavailable men. But now I am…” and then share your declarative statement of what’s your new story going to be? Go ahead and post that in the comments section below. I would love to read that comment. What are you saying no to from your past and what are you attracting in your life today? And if this video serves you, I invite you to share this with someone that you love and care about. And, as always, make sure that you subscribe to this channel because that way you're the first to get the latest and greatest videos that come out each and every week. And also, there’s a link to a resource in this video that will help you understand the hearts and minds of men in a deeper, more profound way, so that you can create a better connection with the men in your life. So if that interests you, go ahead and click that link, you can get that resource. Thanks so much for watching. I’ll see you soon.

Want more? Check out this FREE eBook that reveals the 5 Feminine Qualities high value men find IRRESISTIBLE.

Number 1. Own your sexiness. When you are comfortable in your skin, it radiates a sexual energy with men. When you're aware that sex isn't dirty or wrong but rather, a healthy part of a thriving relationship, it creates a foundation upon which all these other tips will be built.

Number 2. When you are the one who initiates sex. When you initiate sex, it makes it known that you enjoy it and want it with your man, which is highly attractive. Nothing is worse when a woman makes it feel like she's doing us a favor by having sex with us. We love if you're letting it be known that you love making love with us.

Number 3. When you authentically find your man sexy. When you tell us either verbally or with your body language that you find us sexy, we love that. It totally turns us on. So you might rub our arms or you might rub our chest or you might lean in and say, "Damn, you are so sexy right now." Or you can even use what's called the kissing whisper. This is where you lean in and you tell him a secret. Like, you know, you get real close to his ear, you tell him a secret where your lips are just touching his ear and you tell him something like, "Dang, you are so sexy right now." Ooh, it just drives us wild. We love that.

Number 4. Smell. A woman's smell is a powerful tool to ignite attraction. In fact, when my wife walks by, if she smells good, she has the power to snap a neck. It's a very powerful tool, and the opposite is true too. If you don't smell good, it can be a massive turn-off.

Number 5. Infuse some variety into the relationship. Variety keeps things interesting and sexy. For example, if you're always making love in the bedroom, change it up. Make some love in the living room or follow him into the shower. If you're always doing missionary position, change it up.

Number 6. Biting. Bite his lip a little bit or bite his neck or nibble on his ear. It's playful and it's fun. Don't be drawing any blood now. Don't be going there because you don't want to hurt your man, but being playful is always fun and ignites attraction in the relationship.

Number 7. Wear his clothes. Back in the day, when we were in high school, if our girl wore our letterman's jacket, for example, that was sexy. That was a state of, "This is my man. I'm proud to be with him." Put on his dress shirt and walk around the house, maybe a long t-shirt. And bonus points if you ain't got nothing on underneath, but it is very sexy to look at our woman wearing our shirt.

Number 8. Give him a strip tease. Why is a striptease so darn effective? Because it builds the anticipation of what's about to go down, and any time you increase the tension, you raise the attraction. But you have to be comfortable in your skin, you have to be confident in this. If you're shy or hurried or nervous, it's going to kill the vibe, right? But if you're having fun, if you're relaxed, if you're confident with yourself in that moment, your many is going to love it.

Number 9. Allow yourself to make some noise when you're making love. Allow your man to know that you enjoy what’s going on. As men, we want to know that we are doing a good job for you and making noise is one of the best ways to do that. As men, we feel like, "I'm doing this. I'm making this happen. This is awesome." Now, word to the wise: make sure it's a sexy noise. Avoid whining. Un-sexy. We don't like it. But when you bring in a sexy noise and allow yourself to express yourself that way, you're going to let your man know he’s doing a great job, which will fire him up.

Number 10. Unadulterated, full-spectrum laughter. This means that you let your joy flag fly, you let yourself enjoy the moment, laugh full-out and express yourself because there's nothing more magnetic and attractive than a woman who is enjoying herself. Men, we are drawn to this.

So there you have it, the 10 biggest turn ons for men. Now get out there and turn him on!

Want more tips on how to be irresistible? Check out the FREE eBook at the bottom of this post!

Transcription:

Hey, this is Mat Boggs, and today we’re going to be talking about the ten biggest turn-ons for men. Now, warning: this video will have some sexual content in it, so if you are under the age of 18, turn off this video right now and leave the room. Actually, I have a daughter, so scratch that. If you’re under the age of 30, turn off this video and leave this room right now because we’re going to get into these ten turn-ons and I think that you’ll enjoy these. And these are really for people who are in a relationship, not when you’re courting, so just word to the wise.

Number one is when you own your sexiness. When you are comfortable in your skin, that radiates a sexual energy with men. When you know that sex isn’t dirty or wrong or bad, but in fact, it’s a healthy part of a thriving relationship, that creates a foundation upon which all these other tips will be built.

Number two is when a woman will actually be the one to initiate sex with her man. When you initiate it, when you make it knows that you enjoy it and you want it with your man, that is highly attractive. Now, nothing’s worse than when a woman makes us feel like she’s doing us a favor by having sex with us. I mean don’t get me wrong, we’ll take it, but it’s much better if you’re initiating it and letting it be known that you love making love with your man.

Number three is when you authentically find your man sexy, we can read that. And better yet, when you tell us either verbally or with your body language that you find us sexy, we love that. Totally turns us on. So you might rub our arms or you might rub our chest or you might lean in and say, “Damn, you are so sexy right now.” Or you can even use what’s called the kissing whisper. This is where you lean in and you tell him a secret. Like, you know, you get real close to his ear, you tell him a secret where your lips are just touching his ear and you tell him something like, “Dang, you are so sexy right now.” Ooh, it just drives us wild. We love that.

Number four is smell. A woman’s smell is a powerful tool to ignite attraction. In fact, when my wife walks by, if she smells good, she has the power to snap a neck. She walks by, boom! I’m like, “Dang. She smells good today. Whew!” It’s a very powerful tool, and the opposite is true. If you don’t smell good, it can be a massive turn-off. I dated a woman once you didn’t believe in deodorant. She believed in essential oils, which was fine except for the fact that the essential oils ran out after ten or fifteen minutes. So one day, we’re driving to the beach to go surfing, it’s an hour drive. Fifteen minutes into the drive, the car started to smell so bad, it was like this stank rose up in the whole car. I couldn’t even breathe. It was like… It was not a good scene. So use your smell to your advantage.

Number five is to infuse some variety into the relationship. You know, if you’re always making love in the bedroom, change it up. Make some love in the living room or follow him into the shower. If you’re always doing missionary position, change it up. I went and looked up some sexual positions for you and, man, there’s a lot to choose from. You could do doggy style, froggy style, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, rusty trombone. You could do the double down under or the juicy couture or the animal style extra sauce double pickles. Wait a minute. This is an In-N-Out order. But you get the point. Infuse some variety into the relationship and that will spice it up.

Number six is biting. Right? Bite his lip a little bit or bite his neck or nibble on his ear. It’s playful and it’s fun. Don’t be drawing any blood now. Don’t be going there because you don’t want to hurt your man, but being playful is always fun and ignites attraction in the relationship.

Number seven is wear his clothes. And here’s what I mean. Not his workout shorts, but wear his shirts in a sexy way. Back in the day, when we were in high school, if our girl wore our letterman’s jacket, for example, that was sexy. That was a state of, “This is my man. I’m proud to be with him.” Put on his dress shirt and walk around the house, maybe a long t-shirt. And bonus points if you ain’t got nothing on underneath, but it is very sexy to look at our woman wearing our shirt.

Number eight is give us a striptease. Now, why is a striptease so darn effective? It’s because it builds the anticipation of what’s about to go down, and any time you increase the tension, you raise the attraction. But you have to be comfortable in your skin, you have to be confident in this. If you’re shy or hurried or nervous, it’s going to kill the vibe, right? If you’re shy or hurried like this where you’re like… that will not create the vibe that you want in that moment. But if you’re fun, if you’re relaxed, if you’re confident with yourself in that moment, your many is going to love it.

Number nine: allow yourself to make some noise when you’re making love. Allow your man to know that you enjoy what’s going on. The worst is a dead fish, a woman who’s just lying there not making any noise, not moving at all, and it’s kind of like, “Are you enjoying this at all?” As men, we want to know that we are doing a good job for you and making noise is one of the best ways to do that. As men, we feel like, “I’m doing this. I’m making this happen. This is awesome.” Now, word to the wise: make sure it’s a sexy noise. Avoid whining. Un-sexy. We don’t like it. But when you bring in a sexy noise and allow yourself to express yourself that way, you’re going to let your man know he’s doing a great job, which will fire him up.

And finally, number ten is unadulterated, full-spectrum laughter. This means that you let your joy flag fly, you let yourself enjoy the moment, laugh full-out and express yourself because there’s nothing more magnetic and attractive than a woman who is enjoying herself. Men, we are drawn to this.

So there you have it: the ten biggest turn-ons for men. And I would love to hear from you. what’s something that turns you on that a man does in relationships, or that specifically your man does? Post a comment below. I’d love to read your comments. And if this video served you, please share it with those that you care about. And there’s a link in this video also to some resources that can help you in your love life and increasing your ability to understand and attract that man that you want. And finally, if you’re not subscribed to this channel, make sure you get subscribed because we have new videos that come out each and every Thursday and you’ll be the first to get those videos. Thanks so much for watching. I’ll talk to you soon.

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Life Lesson Number 1: Hidden within every challenge is an opportunity.There’s this great scene where Dory and this “septopus” (like an octopus with six legs) Hank are trapped in this truck and they can’t get out and Hank, says, "Well, Dory, this is it. We’re trapped. There's no way we're going to get out." And Dory flashes back to a memory that she had when she was a little fish, where her father taught her a lesson where there's always another way. There's always another way to solve this challenge. And so that caused her to start looking around. She looked up and there was a way out through the little vent in the top of the truck. Hank and Dory climbed up (it helped that Hank is like this ninja octopus) and he jumps out and climbs out and they're freed. But what a great lesson for you and I, that hidden within every challenge is an equal or greater opportunity if we have eyes to see and if we’re willing to look for it.

Life Lesson Number 2: Take the step you can take this day. There's a moment in the movie where Dory gets separated from Marlin and Nemo and she's all alone and it's sad, it's lonely, there's no one around, and she's lost her family, she's lost her friends, and she's wondering what she can do. So she’s at the low point of her life and she looks left and sees the dark, scary ocean and she looks right and she sees some kelp. And she goes, "Well, I like kelp," so she moves in the direction of the kelp. She doesn't know how she’s going to find her family, she doesn't have a plan, but she just takes the action.

And what I love about this is she moves in that direction. She doesn't overthink it, she doesn’t overanalyze it, but it's making these little decisions like this that ultimately leads her to her family who’s in the kelp who’ve been waiting for her in that kelp the whole time. And what a great lesson for you and me to not overanalyze, to not think, but to take the step we can take in the direction of our dream this day. Teddy Roosevelt said, "The best thing you can do is the right thing. But the second best thing you can do is the wrong thing, and the worst thing that you can do is no thing." So don't overanalyze, don't wait until you have the plan mapped out. Take the step that you can take this day in the direction of your dream and it will pay off.

Life Lesson Number 3: To thine own self be true. There's this great principle that Dory discovers throughout the movie, which is to ask herself, "What would Dory do in this situation?" and that helps get her out of some tight pinches.

I love this question because in the book, The Originals, written by author Adam Grant, he highlights how people makes decisions. And there are two ways that people make decisions. One is through a logic of consequence, where a certain type of person will look at the situation and they’ll say, "Whew. If I act in this situation or I take this action, what might go wrong? How might I get hurt? How could I fail? What would I look like if I failed?" And they measure what's called the logic of consequence. The other type of person looks at an opportunity and they make their decision based on what they call the logic of appropriateness. In other words, "What does a person like me do in a situation like this?"

Now, the logic of consequence, when you use that logic, you will always find a reason not to act. You'll always find a reason to not move forward in your life. But when you use the logic of appropriateness, that cultivates courage, that cultivates the action that you want to take, the bravery. The motivation that you need to move forward is what would a person like you do in a situation like this? I love that question. So when you’re faced with an opportunity or something challenging where you’re wondering what the right decision to make is, ask yourself that question: "What would a person like me do in a situation like this?" and then act on that.

So there you have it, 3 Life Lessons from Finding Dory. It goes to show that we can draw value and lessons from all kinds of sources. I hope these values serve you as you continue through your day, and remember: Just keep swimming!

Transcription:

Hey, this is Mat Boggs, and last night I took my daughter to her very first theatrical experience and we saw the movie Finding Dory. It was my wife, my daughter, and I. It was awesome. My daughter loved it and I’m going to show you some pictures of my daughter’s face at the end of this video after watching the movie. So today I’m going to share with you three life lessons that we learned from the movie Finding Dory. And, spoiler alert: if you haven’t seen the movie, you may not want to watch this video because there may be a couple spoilers here along the way.

Number one: Hidden within every challenge is an opportunity.There’s this great scene where Dory and this “septopus” (like an octopus with six legs) are trapped in this truck and they can’t get out and Hank, the septopus, says, “Well, Dory, this is it. We’re trapped. There’s no way we’re going to get out.” And Dory flashes back to a memory that she had when she was a little kid, or a little fish, where her father taught her a lesson where there’s always another way. There’s always another way to solve this challenge. And so that caused her to start looking around. She looked up and there was a way out through the little vent in the top of the truck. Hank and Dory climbed up (it helped that Hank is like this ninja octopus) and he jumps out and climbs out and they’re freed. But what a great lesson for you and I, that hidden within every challenge is an equal or greater opportunity if we have eyes to see and if we’re willing to look for it.

Important life lesson number two is take the step you can take this day. There’s a moment in the movie where Dory gets separated from Marlin and Nemo and she believes that her parents are in some other states in the Midwest and she slips through these water tunnels and now she’s in Morro Bay in California and she’s all alone and it’s sad, it’s lonely, there’s no one around, and she’s lost her family, she’s lost her friends, and she’s wondering what she can do. So she’s at the low point of her life and she looks left and sees the dark, scary ocean and she looks right and she sees some kelp. And she goes, “Well, I like kelp,” so she moves in the direction of the kelp. She doesn’t know how she’s going to find her family, she doesn’t have a plan, but she just takes the action. She goes into the kelp and looks left and there’s some sand and looks right and there’s an old tire and she goes, “Well, I like sand and sand is soft and squishy so I’ll move in that direction.”

And what I love about this is she moves in that direction. She doesn’t overthink it, she doesn’t overanalyze it, but it’s making these little decisions like this that ultimately leads her to her family who’s in the kelp who’ve been waiting for her in that kelp the whole time. And what a great lesson for you and me to not overanalyze, to not think, but to take the step we can take in the direction of our dream this day. Teddy Roosevelt said, “The best thing you can do is the right thing. But the second best thing you can do is the wrong thing, and the worst thing that you can do is no thing.” So don’t overanalyze, don’t wait until you have the plan mapped out. Take the step that you can take this day in the direction of your dream and it will pay off.

And life lesson number three is to thine own self be true. There’s this great principle that Dory discovers throughout the movie, which is to ask herself, “What would Dory do in this situation?” and that helps get her out of some tight pinches. One specific example is her and Hank, the septopus, find themselves in this petting aquarium where these kids can reach in and actually touch the marine life. And so they don’t want to get touched, they’re freaked out, and so Dory asks herself, “What would Dory do?” and she takes some action that helps her escape that situation. But I love this question because in the book, The Originals, written by author Adam Grant, he highlights how people makes decisions. And there’s two ways that people make decisions. One is through a logic of consequence, where a certain type of person will look at the situation and they’ll say, “Whew. If I act in this situation or I take this action, what might go wrong? How might I get hurt? You know, how could I fail? What would I look like if I failed?” And they measure what’s called the logic of consequence. The other type of person looks at an opportunity and they make their decision based on what they call the logic of appropriateness. In other words, “What does a person like me do in a situation like this?”

Now, the logic of consequence, when you use that logic, you will always find a reason not to act. You will always find a reason to stay stuck. You’ll always find a reason to not move forward in your life. But when you use the logic of appropriateness, that cultivates courage, that cultivates the action that you want to take, the bravery. The motivation that you need to move forward is what would a person like you do in a situation like this? I love that question. So when you’re faced with an opportunity or something challenging where you’re wondering what the right decision to make is, ask yourself that question: “What would a person like me do in a situation like this?” and then act on that.

So there you have it: three life lessons from the movie Finding Dory, and as I promised, here’s a photo of my wife, my daughter, and I before we went into the movie, and you can check out the excitement on our faces. And then here is my daughter after we got out of the movie. Look at this face, look at this smile, and look at this excitement in this one. Check out that little face. She is just going bonkers. She loved it. So now, my question for you is what movie have you watched that you loved that had a life lesson in it that you took away from? Go ahead and post a comment below. I’d love to read that comment. Make sure to share this video with someone that you care about so that it can inspire them as well. If you’re not subscribed to this channel, make sure you get subscribed so you can be the first every week to get the latest and greatest videos that come out. And, as always, there’s a great link in this video (we’ve linked it up for you) and down in the description to some resources that can help you expand the love in your life. Thanks so much for watching. I’ll see you soon.

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The train's going by, headed down to a place that's like Miserable Town. And what you want to do is you want to grab the brakes, pull the brakes, and stop that train before it drags you down to a miserable place.

So today, I'm going to share five tips on how to do just that.

Step number one is notice that you're on this spiral overthinking thought train. Just by noticing when it’s happening, that actually puts you in a position of power because now you can choose whether or not you want to allow that train to pick up speed and momentum by linking all these negative thoughts together, or if you want to stop that train in its tracks and point it in a new direction.

Step number two is you want to hit the pause button and breathe. You want to de-charge yourself a little bit. You can meditate, you can journal, but what you don't want to do is start venting to a friend before you even know the outcome of the scenario. And here's why. There's a bunch of research now that shows that neurons that fire together wire together. In other words, when you call a friend and you start venting, it ends up firing those same neurological pathways which reinforces a negative belief about your man. Remember, 95% of the stuff we worry about never happens in the first place. So hit the Pause button and breathe.

Step number three is you want to make a date with your worry or make a date with your doubt. You know, I was taught early on when I was young, growing up, that you don't have to worry just because worry comes upon you. You can actually schedule that and say, "No, I’m not going to worry about you now. I'm going to worry about you later." And you can either schedule it for a random time like a Friday at 4:00, or you can schedule it based on a particular event that's going to happen, like, "I’m going to worry after I talk to my boyfriend or after I talk to my man about this particular event, but I'm going to talk to him first before I allow worry to overtake me."

Step number four is vision the best, but know that you can handle the worst. In other words, redirect the train from imagining the worst-case scenario to what would be the best-case scenario. So when you start this, when you feel yourself overthinking, ask yourself the question, "Hmm. What good could come of this? What would be a positive outcome?" And know that even if it is the worst-case scenario, even if it is the worst outcome, you’ll handle it. You have handled every worst-case scenario that's been thrown your way your entire life and here you are stronger, smarter, more capable than ever before. Anything that comes your way, you know that you and your higher power, you're going to be able to handle that together.

Finally, step number five is to learn more by taking action. So what conversations do you need to have in order to learn more? What action do you need to take in order to remedy the situation? There's always one step that you could take to either become clearer about the situation so that your mind doesn't build a bunch of imaginary monsters about what possibly might go wrong or might not happen or what have you, but what action can you take, what can you learn? And as you do, you'll get more clarity on the situation at hand.

And here's the key: you want to take the action from this place of positive expectancy rather than expecting the worst. For example, in the case of the boyfriend who had his picture with his female coworker, the action you could take would be to have a conversation with him. But you don't want to have that conversation from this place of negative expectancy, like, "So where were you? Why did you end up having your picture taken with her? What's going on with the two of you?" That conversation from a place of negative expectancy is very different than a place of believing the best, visioning for the best outcome, knowing that you can handle the worst but giving the best outcome the attention in your mind.

So there you have it. Those five steps will help you when you feel yourself overthinking, when you feel yourself riding this thought train to a place that’s dragging your emotional state downward. You'll be able to pause it, brake it, point it in a more positive direction, and ultimately create a more positive outcome for you.

Transcription:

So imagine this scenario: you see a picture of your man on Facebook with his female coworker and maybe something like this runs through your mind. “Whoa. What if that’s why he didn’t text me last night? What’s their relationship like? Are they close? Did he tell her about me? Does he talk to her about our fights? What if he went home with her? Oh my gosh. What if he kissed her? Oh my gosh. What if he was in her bed? Ugh! Does she do the stuff that I refuse to do? What if they get married? What if I end up being the girl who every guy dates and then he finds his wife in the next person? What if I never get married? Ugh. I’m going to be alone forever.”

Today, yes, we’re going to talk about overthinking because it happens to all of us and it can be a torturous experience to overthink, kind of like a train that leaves the station and is rocketing down the tracks in the wrong direction – whoa! – kind of like. this. The train’s going by, headed down to a place that’s like Miserable Town. And what you want to do is you want to grab the brakes, pull the brakes, and stop that train before it drags you down to a miserable place so you can get ahold of your thoughts and emotions again, and I’m going to give you five tips on how to do that right now.

Step number one is notice that you’re on this spiral overthinking thought train. Just by noticing when it’s happening, that actually puts you in a position of power because now you can choose whether or not you want to allow that train to pick up speed and momentum by linking all these negative thoughts together, or you wantto stop that train in its tracks and point it in a new direction.

Step number two is you want to hit the pause button and breathe. You want to de-charge yourself a little bit. You can meditate, you can journal, but what you don’t want to do is start venting to a friend before you even know the outcome of the scenario. And here’s why. There’s a bunch of research now that shows that neurons that fire together wire together. In other words, when you call a friend and you start venting, “What if this and what if that and what if this?” it ends up firing those same neurological pathways which reinforces a negative belief about your man. Imagine this Facebook scenario: if you are describing him with this other woman, then you’re reinforcing a belief about him that you’re later going to have to undo when you figure out that what you worried about wasn’t even correct in the first place. Remember, 95% of the stuff we worry about never happens in the first place. So hit the Pause button and breathe.

Step number three is you want to make a date with your worry or make a date with your doubt. You know, I was taught early on when I was young, growing up, that you don’t have to worry just because worry comes upon you. You can actually schedule that and say, “No, I’m not going to worry about you now. I’m going to worry about you later.” And here’s a quick example of this. When I was little, like two or three years old, my father came home, told my mom that he had lost his job. It was a Monday night. And I’m the youngest of four kids and she’s like, “Oh my gosh. You lost your job. How are we going to afford to feed these kids? I want to go back to school. I was just getting ready to quit my job so that I could go back to school and now I’m not going to get to go back to school. I’m not going to have my, you know, career that I’ve always wanted.” She could feel herself about to leave on this negative thought train and instead she paused and breathed and said, “You know what? I am not going to worry about this now. I’m going to worry about this scenario on Friday. Friday at 4:00, I will start worrying.” And she scheduled her panic.

She scheduled her worry. And interestingly enough, on Thursday – you know, every day that the worry tried to creep back up and say, “Worry about this, worry about this,” she said, “No, no, no. I’m going to worry about you on Friday at 4:00. We’ve got a date. Friday at 4:00, then I will panic.” On Thursday afternoon my father came home and said, “Guess what?! I’ve got a new job. It’s better pay, it’s shorter hours. I can ride my bike to work. The hours are actually better. I’m going to be able to spend more time with you and the kids.” So by Thursday, he already had a better situation, a better job. And the best part is she didn’t have to suffer the way she had suffered before those three days waiting for that job to happen. So number three is make a date with your worry. Schedule it. And you can either schedule it for a random time like a Friday at 4:00, or you can schedule it based on a particular event that’s going to happen, like, “I’m going to worry after I talk to my boyfriend or after I talk to my man about this particular event, but I’m going to talk to him first before I allow worry to overtake me.”

Step number four is vision the best, but know that you can handle the worst. In other words, redirect the train from imagining the worst-case scenario to what would be the best-case scenario. So in the story with my dad getting a job, the thought, “Well, what good could come of you losing your job? What if you got a job that paid better, that had better hours, that was closer, that was something you actually enjoyed more?” So when you start this, when you feel yourself overthinking, ask yourself the question, “Hmm. What good could come of this? What would be a positive outcome?” And know that even if it is the worst-case scenario, even if it is the worst outcome, you’ll handle it. You have handled every worst-case scenario that’s been thrown your way your entire life and here you are stronger, smarter, more capable than ever before. Anything that comes your way, you know that you and your higher power, you’re going to be able to handle that together.

And step number five is to learn more by taking action. So what conversations do you need to have in order to learn more? What action do you need to take in order to remedy the situation? There’s always one step that you could take to either become clearer about the situation so that your mind doesn’t build a bunch of imaginary monsters about what possibly might go wrong or might not happen or what have you, but what action can you take, what can you learn? And as you do, you’ll get more clarity on the situation at hand. And here’s the key: you want to take the action from this place of positive expectancy rather than expecting the worst. So for example, in the case of the boyfriend who had his picture with his female coworker, the action you could take would be to have a conversation with him. But you don’t want to have that conversation from this place of negative expectancy, like, “So where were you? Why did you end up having your picture taken with her? So does she like look better in jeans than I do? Like what is it? What’s going on? What’s going on with the two of you?” Like that conversation from a place of negative expectancy is very different than a place of believing the best, visioning for the best outcome, knowing that you can handle the worst but giving the best outcome the attention in your mind.

So there you have it. Those five steps will help you when you feel yourself overthinking, when you feel yourself riding this thought train to a place that’s dragging your emotional state downward. You’ll be able to pause it, brake it, point it in a more positive direction, and ultimately create a more positive outcome for you.

So now I would love to hear from you. What strategies work for you when you are overthinking? When you’re spiraling down, you can really feel that state going on, what strategies work for you that help you calm the mind and bring yourself back to center? Go ahead and post a comment below. I love reading your comments. And, as always, there’s a link in this video that will help you attract the relationship you want, it will help you understand the hearts and minds of men in a deeper way. So if that matters for you, go ahead and click the link and you can get that resource. And if you like this video, share it with someone that you care about. And lastly, if you’re not subscribed to this channel, go ahead and got that Subscribe button, get subscribed so that you can be the first to get the latest and greatest videos each and every week. Thanks so much for watching. I hope this serves you and I’ll see you soon.

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These experimenters got a group of kindergarteners together and a group of MBAs together and they actually faced them off to see which group could build the taller spaghetti tower and suspend a marshmallow on top. Which group do you think at the end of the day had the tallest tower?

Now, chances are if you're hearing me tell this story, there might be a part of you that says, "Well, if he's telling the story, the chances are the kindergartners have the tallest tower." But if you were a betting person, if you were just going to watch this from the side, which group do you think would really build the taller tower: a group of MBA students or kindergarteners? I think before the results came out, most of us would say, "Well, the adults, the MBA people would build the tallest tower." And actually that's not what happened.

Why do you think, when the results all came in, the kindergarteners actually had the tallest spaghetti towers over the MBA students? You might be thinking, "Well, it was because they were more creative or maybe because they think. Or worry about failing. Or maybe because, you know, they were more playful in how they did it. Or maybe because they were willing to try new things." And if that's part of your reasoning, then you're right on.

The MBA students sat back and they all started to draw out their designs on paper first and then they submitted their designs as an entire group and then they voted on which design they think should be the best and they argued about it and they took it extremely seriously and they were intense about this experiment, and finally, when they all agreed on which one it was going to be, they argued over who was doing to be the leader and then they built one structure, where the kindergarteners didn't do that at all.

In fact, the kindergartners got in there and they built lots of structures. They tried out lots of things. They didn't just sit back and theorize about it and put it on paper; they actually got into the game and they tried it on and they built structures that didn't work. They built structures that were good and they thought, "Well, how can we make this even better?"

So the key is getting in and lots of tries. But that wasn't just the only key, and this next point is the biggest point, and that is a hidden assumption that the MBA students made. Now, when the MBA students ran out of the spaghetti that they had, they figured they were done. When the kindergarteners ran out of the spaghetti that they were given, they asked the facilitator if they could have more spaghetti. And the facilitator said, "Yeah. You bet. Here you go. Here's some new spaghetti."

The MBA students had a hidden assumption that they weren't allowed to have more spaghetti where the kindergartners simply asked for what they wanted. They got the structure built as tall as they could and then they asked for more spaghetti and they packed it on top, all with a marshmallow on top and that's how they ended up beating the MBA students.

So the question becomes what are the hidden assumptions that you're making where you might be limiting yourself? Or where are you trying to figure it out beforehand and make sure that it's all perfect before you engage, before you really try some things out, before you get your hands dirty and get in there in the game of life and the things that matter to you?

See, every one of us has areas where we limit ourselves because we're making assumptions that we're not good enough or smart enough or we're not capable enough or we don't have what it takes to have the resources that we want to take our lives to the level where we want them to go.

So I want to encourage you to challenge those assumptions. Let's challenge the areas where we think we're limited and let's ask for the resources that we want. I challenge you to get in the game faster, try some things more quickly, be willing to fail, and ask for the resources that you need in order to get to where you want to go. And when we do, we might just be as smart and creative and playful as those kindergarteners and build our tower of success.

Transcription:

Hey, this is Mat Boggs and I wanted to bring you with me on a little adventure. I’m going to cook some dinner for my wife tonight and it actually sparked a thought about a particular story that I know that I want to share with you because it really matters when it comes to us creating the results that we want in our life. So come with me. We’re going to go grab some of these groceries and then I’m going to tell you the story. Come on.

So I’m in Huntington Beach right now and I’m coming to get some spaghetti at this little grocery store that we have. And we’re making spaghetti tonight like I said and it actually got me thinking about an experiment that was done and the results of this experiment totally blew my mind. These experimenters got a group of kindergarteners together and a group of MBAs together and they actually faced them off to see which group could build the taller spaghetti tower and suspend a marshmallow on top. So here, let’s grab the spaghetti and then I’ll fill you in on what happened. All right. Okay, so this story’s all about challenging our assumptions because sometimes the assumptions we make, what we assume about life, can become our own roadblocks or our own impediments to the things that we want. And here’s what I mean. So this team of experimenters put together this challenge where they brought in a group of kindergarteners and a group of MBA students. They gave each group some dry spaghetti just like this, some tape, and also a marshmallow and they said, “Okay, your goal is to build the tallest tower that you can and have the marshmallow stand on top.” And then both groups went to work. Which group do you think at the end of the day had the tallest tower?

Now, chances are if you’re hearing me tell this story, there might be a part of you that says, “Well, if he’s telling the story, the chances are the kindergartners have the tallest tower.” But if you were a betting person, if you were just going to watch this from the side, which group do you think would really build the taller tower: a group of MBA students or kindergarteners? I think before the results came out, most of us would say, “Well, the adults, the MBA people would build the tallest tower.” And actually that’s not what happened. If you thought the kindergarteners were the ones that built the tallest tower, you’re right. and there’s a couple of reasons why they did, but let me ask you this first. Why do you think, when the results all came in, the kindergarteners actually had the tallest spaghetti towers over the MBA students? You might be thinking, “Well, it was because they were more creative or maybe because they think. Or worry about failing. Or maybe because, you know, they were more playful in how they did it. Or maybe because they were willing to try new things.” And if that’s part of your reasoning, then you’re right on.

The kindergartners compared to the MBA students – see what the MBA students did is they sat back and they all started to draw out their designs on paper first and then they submitted their designs as an entire group and then they voted on which design they think should be the best and they argued about it and they took it extremely seriously and they were intense about this experiment, and finally, when they all agreed on which one it was going to be, they argued over who was doing to be the leader and then they built one structure, where the kindergarteners didn’t do that at all. In fact, the kindergartners got in there and they built lots of structures. They tried out lots of things. They didn’t just sit back and theorize about it and put it on paper; they actually got into the game and they tried it on and they built structures that didn’t work. They built structures that were good and they thought, “Well, how can we make this even better?”

So the key is getting in and lots of tries. But that wasn’t just the only key, and this next point is the biggest point, and that is a hidden assumption that the MBA students made. Now, when the MBA students ran out of the spaghetti that they had, they figured they were done. When the kindergarteners ran out of the spaghetti that they were given, what they did is they went to the facilitator, they went to the front of the room and they said, “Hey, can we have some more spaghetti?” And the facilitator said, “Yeah. You bet. Here you go. Here’s some new spaghetti.” The MBA students had a hidden assumption that they weren’t allowed to have more spaghetti where the kindergartners simply asked for what they wanted. They got the structure built as tall as they could and then they asked for more spaghetti and they packed it on top, all with a marshmallow on top and that’s how they ended up beating the MBA students.

So the question becomes what are the hidden assumptions that you’re making where you might be limiting yourself? Or where are you trying to figure it out beforehand and make sure that it’s all perfect before you engage, before you really try some things out, before you get your hands dirty and get in there in the game of life and the things that matter to you? See, every one of us has areas where we limit ourselves because we’re making assumptions that we’re not good enough or smart enough or we’re not capable enough or we don’t have what it takes to have the resources that we want to take our lives to the level where we want them to go. So in this video, let’s challenge those assumptions. Let’s challenge the areas where we think we're limited and let’s ask for the resources that we want. I challenge you to get in the game faster, try some things more quickly, be willing to fail, and ask for the resources that you need in order to get to where you want to go. And when we do, we might just be as smart and creative and playful as those kindergarteners and build our tower of success. Thanks so much for watching. I look forward to seeing you again soon.

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So here are the four steps to an amazing apology as told to us by Pam Hendrickson:

Step One is to say, "this is what happened, and I take responsibility."

Step Two is to state, "This is what I'm already doing and have already done to fix the problem or solve it."

Now, these next two steps are the steps that people usually miss.

Step Three is to say "This is the system I'm putting in place to ensure this doesn't happen again."

And finally, Step Four is to ask "Is there anything else I can do to make it right?"

So I hope these four steps serve you in knowing how to create an amazing apology, and I encourage you to share these steps with people that you’re in relationships with because when you're both operating at the same frequency with the same strategy for how to apologize and how to create amazing relationships, it just takes it to a whole other level.

Transcription:

Hey, this is Mat Boggs, and today let’s talk about apologizing. You know, none of us are perfect and when it comes to relationships, it’s not about having a perfect relationship, but it’s about being able to recover when one of us makes a mistake or when we have some friction or experience a bump in the road of love. The ability to recover, the ability to bring a relationship back is essential when talking about how to create something that lasts, something that’s deep, something that’s meaningful. And part of being able to bring it back to a place of connection when you’re really disconnected is being able to apologize and apologize well. And ironically, most people don’t really know how to apologize. In fact, I didn’t know really how to apologize until I was taught by an amazing woman named Pam Hendrickson, who was Tony Robbins’ program director for over 19 years and really served Tony Robbins and his company well. So we hired her to do some work for our company and she was going through this whole training on interpersonal relationships and dynamics and she gave us a great formula for how to apologize.

Now, I thought I was a pretty good apologizer but I didn’t have all of these steps really down and it makes a big difference. And so I asked her if I could share this with you and she was delighted and gave her blessing. So here are the four steps to an amazing apology as told to us by Pam Hendrickson, and then I’m going to share with you a little story of how this was applied to my life in a time when I really screwed up. Step number one is to say, “This is what happened, and I take responsibility.” Step number two is to state, “This is what I’m already doing and have already done to fix the problem or to solve it.” Step number three and step number four are what most people miss. Step number three is, “This is the system I’m putting in place to ensure that this doesn’t happen again.” And then step number four is, “Is there anything else I can do to make it right?”

And I’ll give you a quick example. When my wife and I had our first daughter and she was just a few months old, it was the weekend, it was a Saturday and I needed to run a couple errands. My buddy calls and says, “Hey, man. I need to do some errands. Why don’t we go together and then I’ll bring you back home?” And so I told my wife, “Hey, babe. I will be home in an hour. Is that cool?” She says, “Yeah, that’s cool. I’ll take case of the baby. You go off and do your errands.” So we’re doing our errands, we’re having bromance time, and it feels good because I’ve been at home, you know, working all week and then at nights taking care of the baby. I’m a little delirious because, you know, we’re sleep deprived because she’s waking up in the middle of the night. And my buddy, you know, in our great conversation, he says, “Hey, did you hear that they opened up a brand new brewery here in Huntington Beach called Four Sons Brewery? It’s awesome.” I said, “No, I haven’t. I didn’t even hear about it.” He goes, “We should stop by. It’s going to be on our way home. I’ll show it to you.” And so I’m like, “Cool.”

So we swing in and we check out this brewery and it’s amazing. They’ve got giant Jenga games that you can play. They’ve got all these, you know, cool, fun like toss the beanbag game and my buddy was like, “Oh my gosh, you have to just get a taster for this amazing beer. It’s called The Great One. It’s the best IPA. It’s awesome.” I said, “All right, let’s just get a little taster.” And so we sit down, we got our little taster and it’s amazing and we start talking about him and what’s going on, and literally we get lost in this conversation and I look up and an hour and a half has gone by. I am now an hour and a half late from when I said I was going to be home and I promised Irene. So I’m like, “Oh my God, dude. We’ve got to go.” So we jump in the car. I left my phone in the car. I look up. I’ve got three missed calls from my wife. We cruise home, I get in the house, and she’s pissed. And we sit down and James leaves. He’s like, “I’m leaving.”

And she’s like, “Look, I’m really disappointed that you went off, you said you were going to be home in an hour, and you’re home an hour and a half later. You know, in the grand scheme of things, this isn’t a huge deal, but let me just tell you, I take care of the baby all week. I was hoping that Saturday could be my time to have some mommy time, just some Irene time where I’m not with the baby just so I can get some breathing room.” And I said, “You know what, babe. You’re exactly right.” And see, from my perspective, I had no idea that she wanted Saturdays to be her day off, her day to get some time, some change of pace, some breathing room. And so I said, “You know what? This is what happened. We stopped by this brewery. I lost track of time. I take responsibility. I broke the agreement with you when I was going to be home.”

Step number two, “Here’s what I’m already doing to fix the problem,” right? I hadn’t done anything to fix the problem. I’d just got home and so I said, “What I could already do –” because she had missed a nail appointment. I said, “What I can already do right now is I can take over the baby right now. If there’s another nail appointment you can book right now, I’ll take care of the baby and you can go have some Irene time.” Step number three is, “Here’s the system I’m putting in place to make sure this doesn’t happen again.” And for me, it was as simple as, “Let me just keep my phone with me. You know what? Let me recommit because if I say I’m going to be home at a certain time, I’m going to honor that agreement just like I want you to honor the agreements that we make together as well. I’m going to recommit to that.” You know, often, relationships are about recommitting to the things that we make agreements to because none of us are perfect. And so I said, “I’m going to recommit to that and I’ll keep my phone with me as well.”

And remember step number four, which is often the most important step of all, and that is to ask the other person, “Is there anything I can do to make this right?” And so I asked Irene. I’ve got, you know, the baby. I said, “Is there anything else I can do to make this right? I want to make this up to you.” And she goes, “Yes, there is.” I said, “What would that be?” and she goes, “Give me a kiss.” And so I went over there, I gave her a kiss, and then she went off and had some mommy time and had her nails done. I had some great baby time, father-daughter time and playing with her. And when Irene got back, she was in a completely different state, she felt great, she felt rejuvenated, she felt recharged, and we had a great family night at home. So if you make a mistake, it’s okay. We all make mistakes. Follow these four simple steps and you’ll be able to go from a place of disconnection and friction back to a place of connection much, much more quickly.

So I hope these four steps serve you in knowing how to create an amazing apology and now I encourage you to share this video with people that you’re in relationships with because when you’re both operating at the same frequency with the same strategy for how to apologize and how to create amazing relationships, it just takes it to a whole other level. So share this with your friends and post a comment below. Is there any other thing that you love to see when someone’s making an apology to you? Or which of these steps did you not know about. Either one of those. Share those in the comment section below. I would love to read that. And make sure you get subscribed so that you can be the first to get the latest and greatest videos each and every week as they come out to help you expand the love in your life. And, as always, I posted a resource for you in this video. It’s both in the video and in the description below. It’s a resource that will help you understand the hearts and minds of men in a better way and attract the love that you want to have in your life. Again, thanks so much for watching. I’ll see you soon.

Want more? Check out this FREE eBook that reveals the 5 Feminine Qualities high value men find IRRESISTIBLE.

The first strategy is to have a progression plan. As humans, we do much better when we are moving in a particular direction with a goal in mind. If we feel like things are stagnant or if they're not progressing, or worse yet, if they're decaying or dying, that's when the stress gets much bigger, that's when we start to get overwhelmed, that's when we start to really feel like we're disconnected. So what's a progression plan in a relationship? A progression plan is what's the plan for you to be together again? Or at least what's the plan for you to have a plan? By when will you know? By when will you have more information about when you can be together again? When you have a progression plan, that's going to use how you're wired up actually as a human being to give you energy, creativity, insight, motivation, and momentum to then create that relationship, make it stronger until you get to that next moment when you're able to finally be together.

Strategy number two is to have consistent connection. Luckily, this is much easier to do today than it was 10 years ago. With all of our apps like Skype or Facetime. Communicating face-to-face with the help of these is really going to engage the connection. Another strategy to have consistent connection is to honor the relationship the same way you would if you were living in the same house, in the same town, by having consistent date nights.Brainstorm with one another, what is something you can do together to help create that connection not only on a weekly basis for a date night, but also on a daily basis as well?

Strategy number three is to delight and surprise each other. Do the unexpected. This really helps when you know your partner's love language. What matters to them most? Is it words of affirmation or is it quality time together or is it gifts? And put together care packages and send it their way if it's gifts. Surprise them, show up if it's quality time.

So those are the three strategies that you can use as well: a progression plan, know what you're building towards and then that will give you motivation when it gets tough to fight through those times when you're super lonely or things aren’t going great. Number two: consistent connection. And number three: delight and surprise one another. When you use those, you'll help foster the love and the care between you two and together, you guys are going to be strong enough to make it through, be together again and have your amazing relationship.

Transcription:

Hey, this is Mat Boggs and today we’re going to answer a question that was sent in by Leonor Olbera. So Leonor, great question. Thank you for submitting this. And Leonor writes, “Matt, do you have an episode on how to survive & keeping LDR’s ‘alive?’” Well, Leonor, I do because I am the king of long distance relationships, or at least I was before I got married. It seemed like every relationship I had was a long distance relationship. That was actually part of my pattern. I think it was actually part of me not really wanted to be totally vulnerable and risk getting in a relationship so it was one of the strategies I used to kind of keep love away was being in long distance relationships. So if you notice that there’s a pattern of that, it’s something to look at. Is there any resistance to real intimacy, real intimate, deep relationships? And there’s lots of scenarios where long distance relationships happen because one of you is in the military or one of you goes to school or gets transferred with a job and it ends up separating you. So the question is then how do you keep that relationship alive? Well, I’m going to give you three tips and these really worked for me. I hope it works for you as well.

So here’s the first strategy. Number one is to have a progression plan. See, as human beings, we do much better when we know that we’re moving in a particular direction towards a goal or towards something that we want. If we feel like things are stagnant or if they’re not progressing, or worse yet, if they’re decaying or dying, that’s when the stress gets much bigger, that’s when we start to get overwhelmed, that’s when we start to really feel like we’re disconnected. So what’s a progression plan in a relationship? A progression plan is what’s the plan for you to be together again? Or at least what’s the plan for you to have a plan? By when will you know? By when will you have more information about when you can be together again? Getting to those benchmarks, giving yourself a goal to say, “Okay, I’m going to sustain the relationship over thousands or miles,” or at least long distance, whatever that looks like for you, when you have a progression plan, that’s going to use how you’re wired up actually as a human being to give you energy, creativity, insight, motivation, and momentum to then create that relationship, make it stronger until you get to that next moment when you’re able to finally be together.

Strategy number two is to have consistent connection. Now, that’s much easier to do today than it was 10 years ago with all of our apps and you can have Skype on your phone, you can Facetime. You know, I travel for work sometimes and one of my favorite things to do is Facetime with my wife and my daughter and it’s way better as far as establishing connection than what we had 10 years ago just even talking with a phone. So if you can do Facetime, if you have that ability to communicate, not just over the phone, but face to face, it’s going to really engage the connection. And also, several times throughout the day, have text messages going on throughout the day and connect. And then the last example of consistent connection is to honor the relationship the same way you would if you were living in the same house, in the same town, by having consistent date nights.

So one of the things that my wife, when we were just dating, what we would do is we would have date nights. So Friday night would come and our date night was we’re going to watch a movie together. So we’d decide on what movie was wanted to watch and we would go and rent the movie – this was in the old days. You had to go and rent the movie. We would go to the store, we’d rent the movie, we’d bring it back, we’d put it into the player, we’d each pop our popcorn, have our drink, and I’d be at home on my couch, she would be at home on her couch, you know, I’d have a little headset on and the phone or whatever and we would say, “Okay, press Play. Ready, set, go!” and we’d both press Play at the same time and we would literally watch the movie over the phone together. So she’d be watching the movie, I’d be watching the movie and then we’d comment about the movie and kind of laugh together and hear each other together while we were watching the movie. Even though we were thousands of miles apart, it was a great way that helps us connect. So build in things like that for you. What is it that you and your special person can do together to help create that connection not only on a weekly basis for a date night, but also on a daily basis as well?

Strategy number three is to delight and surprise each other. Do the unexpected. This really helps when you know your partner’s love language. What matters to them most? Is it words of affirmation or is it quality time together or is it gifts? And put together care packages and send it their way if it’s gifts. Surprise them, show up if it’s quality time. Once of the great moves that I did in my relationship is it was Valentine’s Day and I told my girlfriend (my wife now), I said, “Hey, let’s do a special Valentine’s Day date night where we’re going to watch a romantic movie except we’re going to do it different. I want you to dress up as if I’m taking you out to a Valentine’s Day dinner and I’m going to dress up as if I were taking you out and I know we’re just going to be at home but it’s a way that we can make it a little bit more special.”

So I was setting this up on Monday and like Valentine’s Day was on a Friday. And so as we got closer to Friday, I said, “Hey, look, I’ve got meetings all day on Friday so I won’t actually be able to talk to you until like right before our date night. It starts at 7:00, so like 6:30 I’ll call you.” She said, “Okay, no problem.” Well, little did she know I actually got all dressed up, I got on a plane, I flew to her hometown, rented a car, drive, and at 6:30, I called her on the phone from outside of her house and I said, “Hey, babe, are you ready for our date night?” She said, “Yeah.” I said, “Are you all dressed up like you promised you’d be?” She goes, “Yeah, I’m all dressed up.” I said, “So am I.” And then I rang the doorbell and she said, “Hang on. Someone’s at my door. I’ll be right back.” And she came to the door and answered the door and it was me! And I’m like, “Surprise!” And she’s like, “Oh my gosh,” and she starts crying. She’s like, “No way.” And sure enough, her hair was done, her makeup was done, the dress was like bam. She was looking great and I got to take her out on an amazing Valentine’s Day night and the great thing is we had already had this way of connecting on Friday nights and here was a way that I got to delight and surprise her, really show her how much she meant to me and deepen our relationship.

So those are the three strategies that you can use as well: a progression plan, know what you’re building towards and then that will give you motivation when it gets tough to fight through those times when you’re super lonely or things aren’t going great. Number two: consistent connection. And number three: delight and surprise one another. When you use those, you’ll help foster the love and the care between you two and together, you guys are going to be strong enough to make it through, be together again and have your amazing relationship.

So I hope this serves you. If it does, please share it with someone that you know is in this situation so it can inspire them and motivate them to keep going. And I would love to hear from you. If you’ve ever had a long distance relationship, what has worked for you? Go ahead and post a comment below. I love reading your comments. Share what’s worked for you as well. And lastly, if you’re not subscribed to this channel, make sure you get subscribed so you’ll be the first to get the latest and greatest videos that come out each and every week. And to support you in attracting the relationship that you want, I posted a resource for you. There is a link in the video and in the description. Go ahead and click that link. It will help you understand the hearts and minds of men and attract the relationship that you want. Thanks so much for watching. I’ll see you soon.

Want more? Check out this FREE eBook that reveals the 5 Feminine Qualities high value men find IRRESISTIBLE.

Conscious men want to know what women want. We want to know what you want. And if you think about why is that? What's the underlining desires, the underlining desires for why we want to know what you want, we want to know what you want because we want to deliver happiness to you. You want to know what conscious men want?

Conscious men want you to be happy. We want you to be happy for a couple reasons. Number one is when you’re happy and you’re appreciating us and you’re in a good mood, it subconsciously communicates that we're doing a good job as a provider, we're providing and experience that you absolutely love, putting you in a good state. This signals that we are good men.

And when you’re happy, you’re much more likely to make love with us, to have sex with us, and that's something that we also really want. So conscious men want your happiness and we want to have sex because that’s part of what makes us up as a man.

You know, after interviewing literally hundreds of men who had been married over 40 years, they all had this one saying that they would say and that is, “Happy wife, happy life. If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. And that is because out happiness is tied to you being happy because it means we’re doing a good job as a provider for you.

I hope this serves you, be sure to check out the link at the bottom of this page to download the FREE eBook: 5 Qualities High-Value Men Find Irresistible

Transcript:

Hey, this is Mat Boggs. Welcome. I thought today I'd bring you to one of my most favorite places on the planet – this is Huntington Beach, California – to talk about a question that gets asked quite often in my community, which is, "What do conscious men really want when it comes to relationships and women?" So let's have a seat and we'll chat about it.

So I thought this would be the perfect place to address this particular subject because there's a story that I think epitomizes the whole concept of what do men want when it comes to relationships? And it starts with this guy walking on a beach a lot like this and he stubs his toe and when he reaches down and he picks it up, it’s a lamp! And as he's checking this lamp out, he rubs the lamp and a genie pops out of this lamp and the genie says, "Ow. Ah. Thank you. I’ve been trapped in that lamp for thousands of years and you freed me. Thank you so much. Oh man, I was crunched in there. You know what? In appreciation for you freeing me from the lamp, I’m gonna give you one wish. Anything you want. What’s one wish that you would love?" The man thinks to himself and he's sitting on the beach and he says, "You know what? I've always wanted to go to Hawaii. But I hate flying. I will not fly and a boat would take way too long. So I want you to build me a road, a highway from California to Hawaii."

And the genie thinks about it and the genie’s like, "Oh my God. That’s over 2,400 miles. You know the depth of the ocean and the currents and the amount of concrete? That is just a Herculean effort to get a bridge from California all the way to Hawaii. Is there anything else that you want besides that?" And the man thinks to himself and he goes, "All right, well, you know what? I want to know what women want. I've always been confused. What do women really want when it comes to men and relationships?" And the genie looks at him and he goes, "How many lanes do you want that highway?"

And the reason that joke is humorous, you know, anything that’s funny is always like partly true and that men have been confused for years about what is it that woman really want. So if you want to know what conscious men want, conscious men want to know what women want. We want to know what you want. And if you think about why is that? What’s the underlining desires, the underlining desires for why we want to know what you want, we want to know what you want because we want to deliver happiness to you. You want to know what conscious men want? Conscious men want you to be happy. We want you to be happy for a couple reasons. Number one is when you’re happy and you’re appreciating us and you’re in a good mood, it subconsciously communicates that we’re doing a good job as a provider, we’re providing and experience that you absolutely love, putting you in a good state. This signals that we are good men. And when you’re happy, you’re much more likely to make love with us, to have sex with us, and that’s something that we also really want. So conscious men want your happiness and we want to have sex because that’s part of what makes us up as a man.

You know, after interviewing literally hundreds of men who had been married over 40 years, they all had this one saying that they would say and that is, “Happy wife, happy life. If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” And that is because out happiness is tied to you being happy because it means we’re doing a good job as a provider for you. So my question for you is this, and I would love to hear from you in the comments: What is it that makes you happy? What is it that you really want when it comes to love and a relationship? And post that comment below because one of the most powerful and sexy four-letter words you have to use in a relationship is W-A-N-T, want. When you’re able to clearly communicate what you want, clearly communicate what you would love to your man, that is what I call a blueprint to your happiness and that is one of the attraction triggers for men because that way we have the plan, we know what it looks like to deliver happiness to you.

So thanks so much for watching. If you enjoyed this video, please share it with someone that you care about. There’s a link in this video to extra resources that will help you expand the love in your life. And make sure you’re subscribed and make sure to get subscribed because if you’re not subscribed, you don’t get the latest and greatest videos that come out each and every week. Thanks so much for watching. I’ll see you soon.

Want more? Check out this FREE eBook that reveals the 5 Feminine Qualities high value men find IRRESISTIBLE.

Now, all smart dating experts know and teach that women have actually been making the first move for centuries. And you may or may not know this, but you probably -- if you have success with men -- are making the first move. Remember, as men, we're looking for permission to approach you, permission to strike up the conversation. We're looking for that green light.

So, what's the green light? The green light is eye contact. The green light is smiles. The green light, in the even bolder way, is to wave him over to you. But what do you do if he's not coming over to you? What do you do if you’re not even getting eye contact, like if you're out and about and you're at a coffee shop or a grocery store or a department store and you still want to seize the moment and interact with this man and you still want to be in the feminine? Well, here's a strategy that you can use: knowing that one of the things that ignites masculine energy, that helps us feel more like a man is when we're serving and providing for you. One of our greatest desires is to be a provider for you, deliver you something that makes you happy, that serves you, that brings you more aliveness in your life.

So you can use what you know about what ignites his masculine energy, wanting to serve, and open the interaction with this line. Say, "Excuse me, can I as you a question? I could really use your help with something." That's your opening line and then, after that, just ask him for his opinion or for advice on something. And that is the way that he's going to serve you.

For example, let's say you’re standing in a line, and this can work for any line you're in. You’re in Costco, you're in a grocery store, right? Coffee shop, whatever. And there's some cute guy standing next to you. You can simply say to him, "Hey, can I ask you for a quick favor?" and he'll say, "Sure." Say, "Can you hold my spot real quick? I'm gonna go grab something?" Then you zip off, you grab whatever it is that you need, you come back, you say, "Thanks so much for holding my spot. So how's your day going anyway?" And boom, you've broken the ice. Again, that’s all you need to do is simply break the ice, give him a reason to talk to you, and then you're off and running.

Now, he may ask you out at the end of that conversation or he may not. But you won’t be left wondering "what if." What could’ve happened if you actually interacted with him? You don't want to be left on the sidelines wondering, "What would happen if I actually get engaged with my life and with these opportunities?" This is an opportunity for you to be seizing the moment, to be bold, to be brave, to be beautiful, and when you do, you're going to create some amazing opportunities with some incredible guys.

Transcript:

Hey, this is Mat Boggs and today I want to share with you a way that you can approach men and initiate a conversation with a man while remaining feminine. I recently did a video called The Seven Secrets for Finding Love this Year, and secret number four was initiate more conversations with men. And I knew one of the objections that women would have, which is the thought that, “If I initiate a conversation with a man, doesn’t that make me the pursuer? Doesn’t that make me the one who’s being masculine?” And that’s a common misconception because you could actually initiate conversation with men and remain in the feminine. And what was interesting is below that video, there were a bunch of comments about, "Well, how do I do that? How do I initiate a conversation while remaining feminine and igniting his masculine?"

And Maya Daniels was one of those. Maya, you wrote in, “How is it that one can contact a guy in a feminine way?” And so I thought this week we would tackle that issue. How can you initiate a conversation with men in a feminine way? Because when you do that, when you have the courage and the capability to actually initiate a conversation with a man in a feminine way, that opens up a whole world of possibilities to you. It opens up all kinds of opportunities, possibilities for you to meet and interact with amazing men and masculine men – men that will take the lead and men that will make the plan, men who want to be the masculine in the relationship.

Now, all smart dating experts know and teach that women have actually been making the first move for centuries. And you may or may not know this, but you probably – if you have success with men – are making the first move. Remember, as men, we’re looking for permission to approach you, permission to strike up the conversation. We’re looking for that green light. And so there are things you can do to give a big green light. It’s like a Stop sign giving the man a big green light, versus a red light that says, “Don’t approach me.” You can turn up the volume on the green light that says, “It’s safe. You can approach me. You will not get your head chewed off. You will not do the walk of shame back across this room. I will actually talk to you.” And when you have this big green light, then that gives men permission to come up and talk to you.

So, what’s the green light? The green light is eye contact. The green light is smiles. The green light, in the even bolder way, is to wave him over to you. But what do you do if he’s not coming over to you? What do you do if you’re not even getting eye contact, like if you’re out and about and you’re at a coffee shop or a grocery store or a department store and you still want to seize the moment and interact with this man and you still want to be in the feminine? Well, here’s a strategy that you can use: knowing that one of the things that ignites masculine energy, that helps us feel more like a man is when we’re serving and providing for you. One of our greatest desires is to be a provider for you, deliver you something that makes you happy, that serves you, that brings you more aliveness in your life.

So you can use what you know about what ignites his masculine energy, wanting to serve, and open the interaction with this line. Say, “Excuse me, can I as you a question? I could really use your help with something.” That’s your opening line and then, after that, just ask him for his opinion or for advice on something. And that is the way that he’s going to serve you.

So let’s just say you’re in an Apple store and you could approach a guy and say, “Excuse me, could I ask you a quick question?” and he’ll say, “Sure.” You say, “I could really use your help with something,” and watch him. That will immediately ignite his masculinity. As man we say, “Anything you need. What do you need? I will help you with something.” And then you simply say, “I’m looking for a gift for my brother,” or insert any male in your life that you’re related to and say, “I’m looking for a gift for my brother and I would love to get him some earphones, earbuds,” or any gadget that you want. You can insert anything that you want here. “I’d love to get him some earphones and I was just wondering, what is it that you would recommend?” And at that point, he’s going to give you his advice, his best recommended gift for the brother. And here’s what cool. At that point, he will (if he’s interested) pick up the conversational ball, so to speak, and run with it. All he really needs, all we really need as men is permission to talk to you. We need that green light. We need something to break the ice. We need an excuse, something to say. One of the biggest reasons men don’t talk to women is they just don’t know what to say. So if you can be the one to break the ice and actually create something to say, it can change your life when it comes to the amount of amazing met that you meet.

So let me give you another example. Let’s say you’re standing in a line, and this can work for any line you’re in. You’re in Costco, you’re in a grocery store, right? Coffee shop, whatever. And there’s some cute guy standing next to you. You can simply say to him, “Hey, can I ask you for a quick favor?” and he’ll say, “Sure.” Say, “Can you hold my spot real quick? I’m gonna go grab something?” Then you zip off, you grab whatever it is that you need, you come back, you say, “Thanks so much for holding my spot. So how’s your day going anyway?” And boom, you’ve broken the ice. Again, that’s all you need to do is simply break the ice, give him a reason to talk to you, and then you’re off and running.

Now, he may ask you out at the end of that conversation or he may not. But you won’t be left wondering “what if.” What could’ve happened if you actually interacted with him? You don’t want to be left on the sidelines wondering, “What would happen if I actually get engaged with my life and with these opportunities?” This is an opportunity for you to be seizing the moment, to carpe diem, to be bold, to be brave, to be beautiful, and when you do, you’re going to create some amazing opportunities with some incredible guys.

If this video serves you, I invite you to share it with someone that you care about and if you’re not subscribed to this channel, make sure that you get subscribed so you can get the latest and greatest videos as they come out each and every week. And I would love to hear from you. What’s something that’s worked for you? What’s a way that you’ve approached a man that really helped him ignite his masculine, help you stay in the feminine in a way that worked? Go ahead and put that comment below. I would love to hear from you. Thanks so much for watching. I'll talk to you soon.

Want more? Check out this FREE eBook that reveals the 5 Feminine Qualities high value men find IRRESISTIBLE.

So today I’m going to give you three practices to focus on that will increase your self-love, and my challenge to you is, whether you’re on the advanced scale of this or just starting out, that you turn up the volume on these three practices to expand the love that you have for yourself and watch your levels of joy and fulfillment and success go to a whole new level.

So practice number one is to be kind in your mind. In order words, to stop criticizing yourself. You know, often we are harder on ourselves than we would ever let anyone else be to us. We will talk to ourselves in the privacy of our own mind in ways that we would never let anyone. We would break up with someone or end a friendship with someone if they talked to us the way that we allow ourselves to talk to us in moments when we’re being critical. So my challenge to you is to turn up the volume on how you can be kind in your own mind and stop criticizing yourself.

Step number two is to forgive yourself quickly. In order to really love ourselves and love anyone else, having a healthy practice of ongoing forgiveness is essential, and especially for ourselves. So my encouragement for you is to consider what could you forgive yourself for that you could release so that you can move forward in your life in the right state to create your amazing results?

And practice number three in loving ourselves more is to listen to yourself. And here's what I mean by that. There was this great study done where they interviewed thousands of people and they asked these people, "When is it that you feel most loved in your life?" And after all that research came back, the number one answer that people gave when they felt most loved was when they felt listened to, when they really feel heard. And so we’re often quick to listen to someone else and really be present and hear them, and my encouragement to you is to listen to yourself and be present for yourself. And ask yourself this question: "What would loving myself right now look like?" And then listen. What comes to you? what answers come to you? Really listen to your heart. Listen to yourself. "What would loving myself this weekend look like? What would loving myself right now look like?" Often you'll hear it will be, be kinder to yourself, not criticize or to forgive yourself for something or to give yourself the time or the breathing room, something that your soul really needs in that moment. And when you love on yourself in those ways, you release more life energy, you create more fulfillment and you put yourself on a path of attracting more love into your life.

So I challenge you this week to adopt those three practices. Be kind in your mind, forgive yourself fast, and listen to yourself and serve yourself in the ways that you need love most and you’ll see extraordinary love come into your life this week.

Transcript:

Hey, this is Mat Boggs, and today I want to talk to you about how to love yourself more. The reason that this matters and it’s so important is that our ability to be in a healthy relationship and to love someone else is dictated by our degree of love that we have for ourselves. And yet, most people don’t look there first. They don’t really try to develop their own self-love or self-growth and if you’ve been on this path for a while, you are the type of person who’s developing yourself, loving yourself more. If you’re just starting out and learning about yourself and developing yourself, then you’re discovering that that is important.

So today I’m going to give you three practices to focus on that will increase your self-love, and my challenge to you is, whether you’re on the advanced scale of this or just starting out, that you turn up the volume on these three practices to expand the love that you have for yourself and watch your levels of joy and fulfillment and success go to a whole new level.

So practice number one is to be kind in your mind. In order words, to stop criticizing yourself. You know, often we are harder on ourselves than we would ever let anyone else be to us. We will talk to ourselves in the privacy of our own mind in ways that we would never let anyone. We would break up with someone or end a friendship with someone if they talked to us the way that we allow ourselves to talk to us in moments when we’re being critical. My wife, after she has given birth to our daughter, it was a couple months after our daughter was born, and I’m brushing my teeth in the bathroom mirror and I look over at Irene and Irene is looking at herself in the mirror brushing her teeth and tears are just streaming down her cheeks. And her body wasn’t bouncing back after the pregnancy as quickly as some of her friend’s bodies has bounced back. And so I turned to her and I said, “Babe, what are you thinking right now?” And, with tears streaming down her cheeks, she says, “I’m not being very nice to myself.” And so I went over there and I hugged her and I whispered in her ear. I said, “You be nice to my wife. I love my wife. My wife is beautiful. She’s gorgeous just the way she is and I want you to be nice to her.” And I was telling – I won’t even let my wife be mean to my wife. So my challenge to you is to turn up the volume on how you can be kind in your own mind and stop criticizing yourself.

Step number two is to forgive yourself quickly. In order to really love ourselves and love anyone else, having a healthy practice of ongoing forgiveness is essential, and especially for ourselves. There was a moment when I got booked to speak in another country and I wasn’t making a lot of money at this time in my coaching and speaking career and so the cheapest flight I could get was a redeye. And I was planning on leaving on Wednesday and so it was a Tuesday and I wake up and I’m going to pack that day and I get an email from the people who were picking me up saying, “We’re looking forward to seeing you today,” and I started to get nervous. I thought, “What?” And I checked my flight itinerary. I miscalculated when my speaking engagement was and because it was a redeye, I didn’t get the flight times correct and I booked a flight for the day that was going to get me after my actual speaking engagement.

So, instantly, panic flooded my body, I get online and I start searching for a flight that will get me there that day. The only flight they had was $1,500. And so I’m like, “Oh my gosh.” So I spent five minutes panicking: “How am I going to afford this flight? Maybe I should just cancel the seminar.” There were going to be, you know, 50 to 100 people there expecting me to speak in this other country. I calmed myself, I booked the flight, I threw my stuff in a suitcase because the flight was leaving in three hours. I had to get myself to the airport. And on the way to the airport, I can hear myself beating myself up in my mind: “How could you be so dumb? You didn’t even look at the itinerary correctly.” And I’m starting to beat myself up in my mind and I knew that for me to show up and be my best and really serve the people who has come out to see me and really pour into them, pour into them love and possibility, that I would need to forgive myself and do it quickly.

So I took a deep breath, I learned from the mistake, and said, “Okay, I’m going to double check these itineraries every time that I book a flight,” and I released the energy and I forgave myself. And I showed up in a completely new state to this seminar, delivered this talk. The seminar was a huge success. It ended up generating $17,000 in clients, which was a huge deal for myself and my business at that moment. But it wouldn’t have been possible if I had shown up in a negative, self-critical state. Only my forgiving myself and changing my state allowed that kind of result. So my encouragement for you is to consider what could you forgive yourself for that you could release so that you can move forward in your life in the right state to create your amazing results?

And practice number three in loving ourselves more is to listen to yourself. And here’s what I mean by that. There was this great study done where they interviewed thousands of people and they asked these people, “When is it that you feel most loved in your life?” And after all that research came back, the number one answer that people gave when they felt most loved was when they felt listened to, when they really feel heard. And so we’re often quick to listen to someone else and really be present and hear them, and my encouragement to you is to listen to yourself and be present for yourself. And ask yourself this question: “What would loving myself right now look like?” And then listen. What comes to you? what answers come to you? Really listen to your heart. Listen to yourself. “What would loving myself this weekend look like? What would loving myself right now look like?”

And maybe you’ll hear, “I really need a weekend at home. I really need to lay low this weekend and just relax.” And the part of your mind will think, “Well, you’re not going to be sociable then. You’ve got friends going out. You’re going to miss out.” You know, FOMO, fear of missing out. That whole things starts to rattle. Maybe you won’t meet your man then. But you say, “No. This is really going to serve me. This is how I can most love myself in this moment is to be kind to myself and give myself this weekend down.” So I encourage you to ask yourself that question: “What would loving myself look like right now?” And listen to yourself. It’ll be amazing. Often you’ll hear it will be, be kinder to yourself, not criticize or to forgive yourself for something or to give yourself the time or the breathing room, something that your soul really needs in that moment. And when you love on yourself in those ways, you release more life energy, you create more fulfillment and you put yourself on a path of attracting more love into your life.

So I challenge you this week to adopt those three practices. Be kind in your mind, forgive yourself fast, and listen to yourself and serve yourself in the ways that you need love most and you’ll see extraordinary love come into your life this week.

So if this video serves you and you like it, I encourage you to share it with someone who matters to you and increase the love in their life. And if you’re not subscribed to this channel, make sure that you get subscribed so you will be the first to get the latest and greatest videos that come out each and every week. And, to serve you, I’ve created a resource for you and I posted a link to that resource right in this video and in the description to a resource that will help expand your heart and help you attract the love in your life. So go ahead and click that link. You can get that resource. Again, thanks so much for watching. I’ll see you soon.

Want more? Check out this FREE, Powerful Self-Love Process.

You may have experienced where you have this best friend, he's amazing, he’s awesome, and you start thinking, "This guy is everything I've actually always wanted," and that there's a part of you that starts to feel attracted to him. And so what do you do? Because, inherently, there's a risk involved when moving from the friend zone or trying to move from the friend zone into the relationship zone.

So I want to make it clear that if you’re going to attempt this, you have to be willing to risk losing the state of the friendship the way it is currently. Now, it doesn’t mean you will lose the friendship altogether, but chances are that if you do this and it doesn’t work out, that you’re going to endure a period where the friendship isn’t quite what it was.

So phase number one of this process is called create sexual tension. Because the difference between a friendship and a relationship, or a romantic relationship, is sexual tension. So what you want to do is to have him start seeing you as this sexual being while igniting his masculine energy. But how do you do that in a way that's classy and a way that really works that maintains the friendship?

Well, one easy way to do that is to put up a false barrier and let him know that something he's doing, something he's wearing, something that he's about is attractive to you or that you find sexy or that turns you on. Here’s an example: you can say, "Hey, it’s a good thing that we're just friends because that cologne you're wearing absolutely drives me wild." And what you’re doing with that is your putting up a false barrier, which ultimately strikes to his masculine energy, and masculine energy responds to challenge. You're letting him know that you're a sexual being, that plants a little seed in the back of his mind, maybe opening him up to seeing you in a way that he hasn’t seen you before.

This brings us to phase two, which is to create mystery. Oftentimes when a woman has a guy friend that is a great guy friend but that she’s interested in more than a guy friend, more like a boyfriend, she’ll start to give him some boyfriend privileges before he’s actually earned it. For example, she'll let him stay over and sleep in her bed and maybe they cuddle all night long but don’t really do anything. What you want to do is stop treating him like a boyfriend and start treating him like just a real friend and remove those privileges and keep those for boyfriend privileges. This creates mystery. And here’s something that you can say. As you kind of pull back on some of those things that maybe you’ve done in the past and he says, "Hey, you know, let me snuggle with you in the bed. Let me stay the night," and you say, “You know what? I like you and I'm reserving that for boyfriend privileges,” with a little cheeky smile on your face.

Now this brings me to the moment. It's called creating the opening. And this is the moment that’s going to require you to be brave, it’s the moment that’s going to require you to really lean in and go for something that you want. And the first part of creating the opening is giving him a warning shot by saying smething like "Hey something's been on my mind recently and I’d love to share it with you and actually it’s a little bit vulnerable so I would love for you to be totally honest with me." Simple as that. The next thing you want to do is explain the conflict that’s happening inside of you. You can say, "A big part of me loves our friendship, and recently, I've noticed this other part of me that feels an attraction for you, and like a more-than-friends attraction and it feels a little bit conflicting. And honestly, I’m not sure what to do with that energy." Simple. Now it's very important that your energy around this is not this, intense "OMG this could be life changing" energy. Instead, you want the vibe that it's something on your mind, that it's casual, that it's fun, that it’s a possibility, that it’s no big deal.

Then, the last thing you do is you put the ball in his court. So you say, "You know, it’s a little bit conflicting and I’m honestly not quite sure what to do with this energy. What do you think?" Don’t ask him how he feels; ask him what he thinks. Now, at this moment, if he’s feeling attraction for you, you have broken the ice, you have given him a big green light and made it okay to have the conversation about this and to explore it. If he’s not feeling that way, because you’re not making it a big deal and life-changing, this huge thing that’s threatening your friendship, it’s just this causal energy, and if he says, “Actually, I’m not really digging on you that way, I’m really just enjoying our friendship and see you as a friend,” then you can say, “Okay. No big deal,” and your vibe is that you’re just going to redirect that energy towards somebody else and you’re going to maintain the friendship.

Now, again, this is a risk to be clear. But in life, there’s never a great reward without great risk. But when you use these three phases of creating sexual tension, creating mystery, and creating the opening and being direct and lighthearted in your approach to this, then you’re really maximizing the possibility and maximizing the possibility that your friendship will be intact if you choose to remain friends rather than being in a relationship.

Transcript:

Hey, this is Mat Boggs and today we’re going to tackle a tough question that I get quite often. And the question is, “How do you get out of the friend zone?” You may have experienced where you have this best friend, he’s amazing, he’s awesome, and you start thinking, “This guy is everything I’ve actually always wanted,” and that there’s a part of you that starts to feel attracted to him. And so what do you do? Because, inherently, there’s a risk involved when moving from the friend zone or trying to move from the friend zone into the relationship zone. So I want to make it clear that if you’re going to attempt this, you have to be willing to risk losing the state of the friendship the way it is currently. Now, it doesn’t mean you will lose the friendship altogether, but chances are that if you do this and it doesn’t work out, that you’re going to endure a period where the friendship isn’t quite what it was.

Now, I know a lot of people who have jumped from friend zone into relationship zone successfully and people who can tried and it didn’t go so well, but they were able to maintain the friendship and they’re still great friends to this day. So I just want you to understand the risks as I give you these three steps to take because these three steps are going to give you the greatest chance of moving from the friend zone to having a relationship with this guy and minimize the risk so that if it doesn’t work out, you can at least maintain the great friendship that you have with him now.

So phase number one of this process is called create sexual tension. Because the difference between a friendship and a relationship, or a romantic relationship, is sexual tension. Oftentimes, people who get married, they say, “Well, I’m getting married to my best friend who I want to sleep with.” It’s friendship with sexual attraction combined that create an amazing relationship. So what you want to do is to have him start seeing you as this sexual being while igniting his masculine energy. But how do you do that in a way that’s classy and a way that really works that maintains the friendship?

Well, one easy way to do that is to put up a false barrier and let him know that something he’s doing, something he’s wearing, something that he’s about is attractive to you or that you find sexy or that turns you on. Here’s an example: you can say, “Hey, it’s a good thing that we’re just friends because that cologne you’re wearing absolutely drives me wild.” Or you can say, “It’s a good thing that we’re just friends because that jacket on you is so sexy right now.” And what you’re doing with that is your putting up a false barrier, which ultimately strikes to his masculine energy, that he wants to break down anything that might stand in his way. It’s a challenge, ultimately, to him. And masculine energy responds to challenge. And you’re letting him know that you’re a sexual being, that you have sexual energy, sexual thoughts, that something’s turning you on or something’s driving you wild and that plants a little seed in the back of his mind, maybe opening him up to seeing you in a way that he hasn’t seen you before.

This brings us to phase two, which is to create mystery. See, oftentimes when a woman has a guy friend that is a great guy friend but that she’s interested in more than a guy friend, more like a boyfriend, she’ll start to give him some boyfriend privileges before he’s actually earned it. Here’s what I mean: she’ll let him stay over and sleep in her bed and maybe they cuddle all night long but don’t really do anything. Or she’ll let him give her a back rub without their shirts on. Or she’ll let him hear all the juicy details about a date that she went on and someone that she hooked up with. Or she’ll even let him see her in her underwear or even naked. What you want to do is stop treating him like a boyfriend and start treating him like just a real friend and remove those privileges and keep those for boyfriend privileges. This creates mystery. And here’s something that you can say. As you kind of pull back on some of those things that maybe you’ve done in the past and he says, “Hey, you know, let me snuggle with you in the bed. Let me stay the night,” and you say, “You know what? I like you and I’m reserving that for boyfriend privileges,” with a little cheeky smile on your face.

Now this brings me to the moment. It’s called creating the opening. And this is the moment that’s going to require you to be brave, it’s the moment that’s going to require you to really lean in and go for something that you want. And the first part of creating the opening is giving him a warning shot, okay? You want to help prepare him in this conversation for what’s about to come and most important is your energy around this. Your energy – and a lot of women go to the wrong energy. They go into this intense, “It’s a big deal. Oh my God, it could be life-changing,” and it’s super heavy and intense. You don’t want that vibe. You want the vibe that it’s something on your mind, that it’s casual, that it’s fun, that it’s a possibility, that it’s no big deal. So that’s the spirit in which you want this conversation to be in. Casual, fun, no big deal.

And so here’s how you set up the warning shot for him: “Hey something’s been on my mind recently and I’d love to share it with you and actually it’s a little bit vulnerable so I would love for you to be totally honest with me.” Simple as that. It’s a warning shot, and you say that and immediately you’ve got this man’s attention. The next thing you want to do is explain the conflict that’s happening inside of you because chances are there’s a big part of you that loves the friendship that you have and there’s another part of you that’s having this attraction. And so here’s how you phrase it. You can say, “A big part of me loves our friendship, and recently, I’ve noticed this other part of me that feels an attraction for you, and like a more-than-friends attraction and it feels a little bit conflicting. And honestly, I’m not sure what to do with that energy.” Simple. Again, the tone is no big deal, casual, and completely comfortable in your own skin with what you’re experiencing.

Then, the last thing you do is you put the ball in his court. So you say, “You know, it’s a little bit conflicting and I’m honestly not quite sure what to do with this energy. What do you think?” Don’t ask him how he feels; ask him what he thinks. So you’ve set up the conflict that you’re having inside of you and say, “And I’d love to know what you think,” and then let him talk. Now, at this moment, if he’s feeling attraction for you, if that’s been going on in his mind, you have broken the ice, you hacv given him a big green light and made it okay to have the conversation about this and to explore it. If he’s not feeling that way, because you’re not making it a big deal and life-changing, this huge thing that’s threatening your friendship, it’s just this causal energy, and if he says, “Actually, I’m not really digging on you that way, I’m really just enjoying our friendship and see you as a friend,” then you can say, “Okay. No big deal,” and your vibe is that you’re just going to redirect that energy towards somebody else and you’re going to maintain the friendship.

Now, again, this is a risk to be clear. But in life, there’s never a great reward without great risk. But when you use these three phases of creating sexual tension, creating mystery, and creating the opening and being direct and lighthearted in your approach to this, then you’re really maximizing the possibility and maximizing the possibility that your friendship will be intact if you choose to remain friends rather than being in a relationship. So if you like this video, I encourage you to share it with someone who may be in this position right now. It could really serve them. If you’re not subscribed to this channel, your next step is to get subscribed so you can get the latest and greatest videos that come out each and every week. And there’s a resource for you in this video. I’m posting a link right in this video and below in the description – a resource that will help you expand the love in your life and attract the man that you want. Thanks so much for watching. I’ll talk to you soon.

Want more? Check out this FREE eBook that reveals the 5 Feminine Qualities high value men find IRRESISTIBLE.

This is a lesson that has served me greatly because early on in my life, in my young 20s, I had a really big looking good program. I wanted to be cool, I wanted to look good in front of other people because ultimately I wanted to connect to them. I wanted to be liked, I wanted to have that human connection which is really at the core of every one of our greatest desires is that desire for connection. And what I realized is that trying to be cool and looking good actually was an impediment to that connection.

But real connection happened when I was willing to be uncool because it’s in those moments when I was willing to be authentic and real and really express myself to other people where they could really know me and I could really know them. And so that’s what this video is about. It’s about getting to know ourselves better, about expressing our true authentic self. It’s about knowing what it is that we like and expressing that because that’s the point at which we have the greatest connection with other people

What I mean by "uncool" is what is it that you really like, that really turns you on, that really ignites you? The things that you like that other people might not think are cool but you really like and you dig them. And my encouragement to you is express those things. Bring those things to life because the more you’re congruent with yourself, with your true likes, with your true desires and you’re expressing yourself from that place, the more great friendships you’re going to have. See, the alternative is to just be vanilla. When you’re trying to be everything to everyone, you are nobody to no one. You don’t really know who your true friends are. So this is about getting in touch with yourself, what do you like, and expressing that.

Be sure to watch this video to see 5 "uncool" things I do, and get in touch with your "uncool" likes. Remember, your authentic self is the self your man is going to fall madly in love with. :-)

Transcript:

Hey, this is Mat Boggs and today I want to share with you a belief that I have that uncool is really the new cool. And this was inspired by a quote from the movie Almost Famous. Maybe you’ve seen it. I love that movie. And the quote goes like this: "The only true currency we have in this world is what we share with someone else when we’re uncool." And this is a lesson that has served me greatly because early on in my life, in my young 20s, I had a really big looking good program. I wanted to be cool, I wanted to look good in front of other people because ultimately I wanted to connect to them. I wanted to be liked, I wanted to have that human connection which is really at the core of every one of our greatest desires is that desire for connection. And what I realized is that trying to be cool and looking good actually was an impediment to that connection. But real connection happened when I was willing to be uncool because it’s in those moments when I was willing to be authentic and real and really express myself to other people where they could really know me and I could really know them. And so that’s what this video is about. It’s about getting to know ourselves better, about expressing our true authentic self. It’s about knowing what it is that we like and expressing that because that’s the point at which we have the greatest connection with other people

So what do I mean by "uncool?" What I mean by "uncool" is what is it that you really like, that really turns you on, that really ignites you? The things that you like that other people might not think are cool but you really like and you dig them. And my encouragement to you is express those things. Bring those things to life because the more you’re congruent with yourself, with your true likes, with your true desires and you’re expressing yourself from that place, the more great friendships you’re going to have. See, the alternative is to just be vanilla. When you’re trying to be everything to everyone, you are nobody to no one. You don’t really know who your true friends are. So this is about getting in touch with yourself, what do you like, and expressing that.

So today I’m going to give you five things that I really like that might be seen as “uncool,” and my hope is that it ignites in you a greater expression of you bringing to life the things that you like even though it might be seen as uncool for people around you. So number one is there was a period in my life where I really liked American Idol. And you might even be looking at me right now saying, “This guy looks like he’s the type of guy who likes American Idol.” And there was a moment when I’m in the gym and my buddy’s over there on the bench. He’s doing bench, I’m doing curls and we’re in the weight room. I’m like, “Hey, James,” and he’s like, "What?" I said, "American Idol's on tonight, man. You should come over to my house. We’ll have an American Idol party." And James racks the weights and he’s like, “Oh my God.” He walks over to me and he goes, “Do not yell that across the gym. I’ll see you at 7:00."

Number two: I like Taylor Swift. And I actually will turn the volume up in my car when a Taylor Swift song comes on and be singing along with her. "It’s gonna be forever or it’s gonna do down in flames. You can tell me when it’s over"

Number three is I hug my buddies and I tell them that I love them. Now, some people might think that that’s uncool. I think life is too short not to express your love to people who matter to you, so I will on text messages when I’m leaving my buddies, we’ll have a boy’s trip, we’re leaving, give them a big hug, tell them I love them. Express yourself. Share the love.

Number four; I will make up love jams to my wife and sing them to her based on old 90s love jam music like Jodeci and Shy and Usher and I’ll hug her in the kitchen and I’ll sing these songs to her into her ear and I’ll make up lyrics and she’ll squirm, she’ll say, “Stop, stop, stop,” but I love it and that’s how I express my love for her.

And number five: I love Shirley Temples. I loved them since I was eight years old. I continue to love them to this day. So I’ll go out to get some drinks with my buddies and if I’m not really feeling like drinking that night, they’ll order their IPA beer, they’ll order their, you know, Stone Brewery and I’ll order a Shirley Temple. And they’ll look at me like, “Seriously? You’re going to order a Shirley Temple?” and I’ll say, “Yes, I will. In fact, make it double.” I say, “I’m ordering a Shirley Temple because I like it and that’s what I want to do. So cheers.”

So there you have it: five uncool things that I do. Why? Because it makes me me, I like it, and it’s my expression of myself. And I would love to hear from you. Post a comment below this video. What’s something that you love to do? You do it because it’s you. It may be seen as uncool but that doesn’t matter because you’re willing to express yourself. Share that with me. Post a comment right below here and share that with me right now. And if this video served you, if you enjoyed it at all, share it with someone who you care about and help expand the love in this world one heart at a time with me. And if you’re not subscribed to this channel, make sure you do that right now. Click the button, get subscribed so that you can be the first to get the latest and greatest videos that come out each and every week. And lastly, as always, there’s a great link in this video – I’ve posted it in the video and in the description – to a resource that will help you in your manifestation of the amazing relationship you want. It’ll help open up your heart and help you understand men in a whole new way. Click that link, get the resource. Thanks so much for watching. I’ll see you soon.

Want more? Check out this FREE eBook that reveals the 5 Feminine Qualities high value men find IRRESISTIBLE.

I'm not talking about when to get out of a marriage. Let’s be clear. This video’s not about when to get out of a marriage. That’s a different set of tools. And I’m also not talking about the three As, which are addiction, abuse, or adultery or cheating. If you’re experiencing any of those three As, the right answer is to end the relationship and go and find something that’s healthy, a healthy relationship. I’m talking about the confusing scenario where it is kind of good but you’ve got this nagging feeling that, "Maybe this just isn’t right for me."

So how do you know whether to stay and try and give things a chance, or when to leave? I'm going to give you two step that’ll help give you clarity on when to end the relationship.

Step number one is stay until the end. What does that mean? That means that when you actually get to the end of the relationship, you will know it There'll be this strong intuitive feeling that rises up in you that says, "This relationship is no longer good for me." This relationship is no longer life-giving to you.

If you are feeling that way, this leads me to step number two, which is to ask yourself this question: "What is keeping me here?" There's a reason that you haven't left already so you want to discover what that reason is. And it will usually come from one of two places. Either the reason that's keeping you in the relationship is coming from a place of scarcity and fear or it's coming from a place of a vision-driven life.

So you want to tune in to what’s keeping you in this relationship. And if it's a scarcity, fear-based reason, then you want to muster the courage to do the right thing for you and him and end the relationship. Now, if the reason that you're still in it is a vision-driven decision, then muster up the courage to pour into the relationship, to have the difficult conversations, to fight for it, to make it great so that you're not describing the relationship as "good," but when someone asks you, "Hey, how's your love life doing?" you can give them a wholehearted "it’s great!"

Transcript:

Hey, this is Mat Boggs and today we’re going to tackle a touch question, which is when to get out of a relationship. So let me give you a scenario. You’re dating someone exclusively. Things are good. You’ve got your ups, you’ve got your downs but you can’t ignore this feeling that’s rising up in you that says, you know, “Is this my guy? Is this really the relationship that I want?” My brother, Rich, actually has a longstanding joke that you can actually tell how good a guy’s life is by the pitch in his voice or the octaves in his voice. Like he’ll ask his friend Brian, “Hey, Brian, how’s work going?” He’ll say, “Good.” “ How are things with your family going?” “Good.” “How are things with Stacy going?” “Good.” His voice goes up two or three octaves when it’s not so good, right?

So I’m not talking about when to get out of a marriage. Let’s be clear. This video’s not about when to get out of a marriage. That’s a different set of tools. And I’m also not talking about the three As, which are addiction, abuse, or adultery or cheating. If you’re experiencing any of those three As, the right answer is to end the relationship and go and find something that’s healthy, a healthy relationship. I’m talking about the confusing scenario where it is kind of good but you’ve got this nagging feeling that, “Maybe this just isn’t right for me.”

So I’m going to give you two step that’ll help give you clarity on when to end the relationship. Step number one is stay until the end. What does that mean? That means that when you actually get to the end of the relationship, you will know it. There’ll be this strong intuitive feeling that rises up in you that says, “This relationship is no longer good for me.” This relationship is no longer life-giving to you. In fact, the relationship might feel life-draining to you. And when that happens, you will usually feel fear or perhaps sadness because you’ll start imaging yourself ending the relationship and you’ll play out that scenario in your mind. If you’re not feeling that way, if you don’t have that intuitive feeling, you’re not playing out that scenario, the relationship isn’t finished and you will want to stay until the end.

If you are feeling that way, this leads me to step number two, which is to ask yourself this question: “What is keeping me here?” There’s a reason that you haven’t left already so you want to discover what that reason is. And it will usually come from one of two places. Either the reason that’s keeping you in the relationship is coming from a place of scarcity and fear or it’s coming from a place of a vision-driven life. the scarcity or fear reason will give you thoughts like this: “You know, I don’t want to get out of this relationship because what if I leave and I discover that this was really the best I could ever get? I don’t want to get out of this relationship because I’m scared of being on the dating scene again or getting my heart broken again or I’m scared of starting all the way back at square one.” That is scarcity, fear-based decision making. Vision-based decision making for the reason that you’re saying says this: “Well, I’m still here because I still have hope for us. I still believe that there’s a possibility that we really can be great together if we invest in this relationship.”

So you want to tune in to what’s keeping you in this relationship. And if it’s a scarcity, fear-based reason, then you want to muster the courage to do the right thing for you and him and end the relationship. Now, if the reason that you’re still in it is a vision-driven decision, then muster up the courage to pour into the relationship, to have the difficult conversations, to fight for it, to make it great so that you’re not describing the relationship as “good,” but when someone asks you, “Hey, how’s your love life doing?” you can give them a wholehearted “it’s good.”

Now if you like this video, please share it with someone that you care about to increase the love in their life. And I would love to hear from you. What questions do you have for me? Post those questions below in the comments. I always check out the comments. And, as always, there’s a great link in this video and in the description to a resource that will help you understand the hearts and minds of men and attract the relationship that you want. And, if you’re not subscribed to this channel, please subscribe. That would help me out a lot. I would love to serve you and give you the latest and greatest videos that come out each and every week to increase the love in your life. Thanks so much for watching. I’ll see you soon.

Want more? Check out this FREE eBook that reveals the 5 Feminine Qualities high value men find IRRESISTIBLE.

A lot of owmen are scared about asking this question, becuase they feel like if they do it in the wrong way they will come across as needy or that they might potentially scare him off. So I wanted to make a post to dispel this myth.

Asking a guy if he wants to be in a relationship, who wants to be in a relationship, is not going to scare him off. If he truly wants a relationship that question will not intimidate him at all.

It's the guys who don't want a relationship that are scared by that question. Guys who don't want a relationship, that question makes them feel uncomfortable and nervous

So when do you ask this question? I’m giving you permission to ask this question early. You can even ask this question on the first date if you want as long as you ask it in the right spirit, in the right way, because the last thing you want is to waste time with a guy who will never commit.

The key to asking this question right is to come from this state of worthiness, confident that no matter what he says, you are going to attract the relationship that you desire and that you deserve. A lot of women don’t want to come across as needy. Well, the secret to not coming across as needy is not being needy. And I don’t say that in a trite way, I say that so that you check your beingness.

So what do you say? How do you actually ask this question? Well, there's lots of right ways to do this. I'm going to just give you one good example here. First, give him permission to be honest with you and share his vision for his life with you. So here's one way to do it. You could say – and it’s got to be lighthearted and fun and kind of cheeky. You can say, "Hey, can I ask you a personal question?" and he’ll say, "Sure, what’s up?" and you say, "Before I ask it, you have to promise me that you're going to be honest." And he'll say, "All right. Cool. Yeah, you got it. I'll totally be honest." And you say, "If I gave you a magic wand and you could create anything you wanted for your love life, what would it be? What would you love?"

Now, a guy that wants a relationship, he’s going to answer that very straightforward. He's going to say, "I'm at a place in my life where I really want something meaningful. I want a great relationship. I'm ready to settle down." When you hear the answer from a guy who wants a relationship, it's going to be clear. There's going to be no confusion, it's going to be straightforward and you're going to get a clear picture for what it is that he wants.

Now, if instead you sense vagueness or confusion, trust your gut on that that this is a guy who isn't clear that he wants a relationship. See, his unclarity in his mind is translated into your unclarity about what he really wants. So let your intuition and how he's treating you guide you in this relationship. Let that determine how much you invest in this relationship because you want to pour energy into the guy who's pouring energy back into you.

So I challenge you to have the courage to ask the relationship question upfront and early in the dating process and then trust your intuition on his answer because when you do, that will lead you to a man who is ready, willing, and wanting to create an extraordinary relationship with you.

Transcript:

Hey, this is Mat Boggs and in today's video, let's talk about how to find out if he wants a relationship, and specifically what you can say. I know that this is a tough subject for a lot of women that brings up a lot of nerves. Lot of women are scared about asking this question. You know, "How do I ask this question? When do I ask this question?" because they feel like if they do it wrong and they come across needy, that they might potentially scare away a great thing or something that could turn into an amazing relationship.

So let's dispel this myth right here, right now that you could scare off a guy who wants a relationship by asking him if he wants a relationship.

No, guys who want a relationship, they welcome that question. They’re not intimidated by that question at all. It's the guys who don't want a relationship that are scared by that question. Guys who don't want a relationship, that question makes them feel uncomfortable and nervous and it's like they receive that question like receiving a sack full of snakes- You know, it’s like kryptonite to- oh! Oh my God! Ah! That is what it feels like to a guy who doesn’t want a relationship.

So when do you ask this question? I’m giving you permission to ask this question early. You can even ask this question on the first date if you want as long as you ask it in the right spirit, in the right way, because the last thing you want is to waste time with a guy who will never commit. “Hello, baby. I love you so much. It’s time you said on our 85th dating anniversary that we would get engaged. Are you ready? No? You need some more time maybe to figure it out. You like what we have right now? Okay. I do too. I’ll keep waiting.”

The key to asking this question right is to come from this state of worthiness, confident that no matter what he says, you are going to attract the relationship that you desire and that you deserve. A lot of women don’t want to come across as needy. Well, the secret to not coming across as needy is not being needy. And I don’t say that in a trite way, I say that so that you check your beingness. As you’re heading into this conversation, you’re going to ask this question. Just check in with yourself, your state of beingness. Are you coming from this hoping and wishing and like wanting him to give you the right answer or a certain answer, or worse yet, cynical, like you don’t even believe it anymore like, “So what do you want? You’re just like all the rest of them.” Neither of those states of being are attractive to men. Or are you coming from the state of confidence because you have options? That you know you’re not attached to his answer. You’re really coming from a sincere place of discovery. You really want to know what this guy wants for his life because you know, no matter what answer he gives you, you’re going to be okay. You’re going to do just fine because you’ve got options and you will attract that relationship that you want.

So what do you say? How do you actually ask this question? Well, there’s lots of right ways to do this. I’m going to just give you one good example here. First, give him permission to be honest with you and share his vision for his life with you. So here’s one way to do it. You could say – and it’s got to be lighthearted and fun and kind of cheeky. You can say, “Hey, can I ask you a personal question?” and he’ll say, “Sure, what’s up?” and you say, “Before I ask it, you have to promise me that you’re going to be honest.” And he’ll say, “All right. Cool. Yeah, you got it. I’ll totally be honest.” And you say, “If I gave you a magic wand and you could create anything you wanted for your love life, what would it be? What would you love?”

Now, a guy that wants a relationship, he’s going to answer that very straightforward. He’s going to say, “Well, I’m at a place in my life where I really want something meaningful. I want a great relationship. I’m ready to settle down. I’m ready to create that.” When you hear the answer from a guy who wants a relationship, it’s going to be clear. There’s going to be no confusion or no static or no wondering, “What does he mean by that?” It’s going to be straightforward and you’re going to get a clear picture for what it is that he wants. Guys who don’t want a relationship, when you ask them that question, you’re going to get one of two answers. Now you’ve given him permission to be honest so either A, he’s going to be honest with you and say, “You know what? I really am not looking for anything serious right now. I just kind of want to date. I’m really enjoying my life.” And when he tells you that, believe him, okay? Believe him that that’s what he really wants and that’s what he will create for his life. Or the guy who really doesn’t want a relationship will give you a vague answer where you’re not really sure what it means. He’ll say something like this: he’ll say, “You know, I’m really loving my life right now. I’ve got a lot of great things going on. I’m just really enjoying myself and I’m open to possibilities.” You know, he’ll say that and you’re like, “What does that mean? I don’t even know.”

So if your intuition sense static or vagueness or confusion, trust your gut on that that this is a guy who isn’t clear that he wants a relationship. See, his unclarity in his mind is translated into your unclarity about what he really wants. So let your intuition and how he’s treating you guide you in this relationship. Let that determine how much you invest in this relationship because you want to pour energy into the guy who’s pouring energy back into you. You want to invest in the relationship that’s actually moving in a direction of a shared common vision. So I challenge you to have the courage to ask the relationship question upfront and early in the dating process and then trust your intuition on his answer because when you do, that will lead you to a man who is ready, willing, and wanting to create an extraordinary relationship with you.

So I hope this information serves you, and if it did, please share this video with someone that you care about and expand the love in their life. And post a comment below. And I would love to know this: if you have a different way that you’ve asked this question that’s been effective for you, that’s worked for you, post that below. I would love to know what’s working in your life. And as always, there’s a great resource in this video. There’s a link in the description and in this video to a resource that will help you understand the hearts and minds of men in a greater way and help you attract the relationship that you want. And if you’re not subscribed to this channel, make sure that you get subscribed so you can get the latest and greatest videos that come out each and every week. Thanks so much for watching. I’ll see you soon.

Want more? Check out this FREE eBook that reveals the 5 Feminine Qualities high value men find IRRESISTIBLE.

For example, two common negative strategies people will use is either creating a constant state of crisis - always being late, emotional drama, always being sick - or they withdraw hoping others will seek them out.

The best positive strategy to create attention is to be a person of increase. Give to others. When you give to others, people’s natural response is to give to you. If you want more loving connection from others,give more loving connection. Sometimes you sow in one field and harvest in another, it might not always come from the person you gave to, but trust that we live in a perfect Universe and that when you give, you envoke the law of receiving.

Transcript:

Hey, this is Mat Boggs and in today’s video I’m going to share with you how to get more positive attention from men and really in general more positive attention in your life.

See, attention is an interesting topic because every one of us as human beings has a desire to have attention because we all have a desire to seek connection in our lives. From the point when we’re little toddlers, little kids, we want attention and affection and connection. When I was two years old, my parents told me (I’m the youngest of four) my main strategy for getting attention – because we all have strategies for how to go about and get attention. You have a strategy; I have a strategy. My strategy at two years old was to bite people. I would go around and I would bite people because I figured out that if I bit them, I would get a lot of attention.

Now, at that age, I didn’t really know if it was positive or negative, but it was definitely a lot of attention and so that was my strategy. My parents came to me as just a little guy and said, “Hey, Mat. If you want attention, you don’t have to bite people. All you have to do is simply say, ‘I want some attention.’” Just by giving me a different strategy completely altered my behavior and results as a two-year-old. So my parents would say I would come into the kitchen, my mom would be cooking and I would look up at her and say, “Mom, I want some ‘ttention. I want some ‘ttention.” And so she would bend down and say, “Oh, little Mathew,” pick me up and put me in her arms and continue cooking and give me some attention.

And what’s interesting is every single one of us, you and me, we all have strategies for how we get attention and it will either be a positive strategy or it’s going to be a negative strategy. Here are a few of the negative strategies that people tend to use. One is crisis. Like if someone – and you may notice this in some of your friends or maybe even in your own life. If there’s a consistent pattern of crisis always happening like, “Oh my gosh, you’ll never believe how bad traffic was,” or, “Oh my gosh, my work is going – like I’m slammed.” And if you’re the one who always has crisis, that can be used as a pattern to get attention. Or if you’re constantly late. Like the person who’s constantly late is the one who likes to have the focus on themselves because they’re the one who shows up late, “Oh my gosh, you’ll never believe what happened. I’m so sorry,” and this and that. Everybody else is there, they drop in late, now all the focus is on them.

Or someone who gets sick often. Being sick isn’t always the result of wanting attention but it can be because if someone is consistently getting sick over and over again, then they get phone calls from loved ones, they get soup made for them, they get a lot of attention, if they’re not careful, from being sick. And one other strategy is the person who retreats and they pull back hoping that the person that they want attention from will seek them out. Oftentimes friendships and even relationships will fall into this pattern. One person will retreat hoping the other person will chase them down

I was having a conversation with my wife about six months ago and she was like, “My friends don’t text me, they don’t call me, they don’t invite me to do things, like these girlfriends and blah, blah, blah.” And I said, “Okay, well, when was the last time you texted your girlfriends?” She was like, “Well, you know, it’s been a while.” And I said, “When was the last time you asked them to go do something?” and then she was like, “Well, it’s been a while.” I was like, “Why don’t you ask them to go to do something and then see what the result is?” And so she sent out a text saying, “Hey, let’s all get together this Sunday for brunch!” and they all responded and said, “Great! That sounds awesome.” They had an amazing brunch together. So you want to be careful about negative attention patterns and you want to become aware of those. And if you have negative attention patterns, shift it to a positive attention pattern. What does a positive attention pattern look like? It looks like this: being a person of increase and giving your attention to someone else. Now, that might seem counterintuitive if you want attention and you want connection with others to be the person who gives it first, but that’s actually how we’re built because when you give attention to someone else, when you give praise to someone else, appreciation to someone else, when you think about someone else, their natural instinct is to think about you and to share the same kind of praise and appreciation back with you. It’s called the law of reciprocity. Just like when you give someone a birthday gift, their natural instinct is to, next year, give you a birthday gift. So the more you can dial up your positive attention that you’re giving to other people – your appreciation, your celebration, your praise of them, your acknowledgement of them – the more you’re going to see a wave of positive attention and connection come back in your life.

So I hope you enjoyed this video. If you found value in this, please share it with someone that you care about, and there’s a link that I placed in this video for you that links you to a resource that will help you understand the hearts and minds of men and attract the relationship you want. And as always, if you’re not subscribed to this channel, make sure that you get subscribed so that you’ll get the latest and greatest videos each and every week. It was great to connect with you. I’ll see you soon.

Want more? Check out this FREE eBook that reveals the 5 Feminine Qualities high value men find IRRESISTIBLE.