In the depths of the brinepools

pearnose [her mom] was a loner that was recruited into riverclan, after adapting to clan life and getting comfortable she starts befriending a windclan cat named snaketooth. one thing leads to another and they start cat dating, and decide to have kittens together. pearnose commits to the long distance relationship for a while, and in riverclan keeps the father a secret [in my mind i still operate under arc one rules, where the mother cat is allowed to keep the father secret if she wishes and cats generally respect this even if they speculate with one another via gossip] and eventually has kittens. Maybe a small litter of 2-3, but only one survives. Birchkit!

as she raises birchkit pearnose starts to feel more and more stifled by riverclans culture and even though everyone is trying their best to be kind and support her, she just gets really fed up with it. While she enjoys the structure of clan life, she starts to realize she does not vibe with the fish and the meditation and the slower paced life style. The allure of running through the moors and sleeping under the stars just gets more and more desirable. It feels like freedom.

She also wants to be able to see snaketooth every day, and doesn't want to have to worry about keeping her relationship on the downlow anymore. So she decides she's going to leave! Probably around when birchkit is 4-5 moons old, just about to be apprenticed.

She explains this to a baby birchkit, who is immediately upset by this idea. She is horrified by the idea of going to an unfamiliar place, especially one that has been painted as foreign and wrong due to being a rival clan. Not fully understanding the ramifications of such a decision, she starts making a scene and stubbornly refusing to go anywhere. Pearnose was going to just drag her away to windclan anyway, but another cat [Rainshadow's boyfriend...but i'm not sure on a name or design yet. he'll be invented soon] happens to walk in on the commotion and immediately sides with Birchkit and gets into a physical alternation with pearnose, thinking her to be a traitor and horrified that she not only was going to abandon the clan that took her in but also take her kitten away too. very formative event for little baby birchkit and probably traumatizing. Blood is shed and pearnose is chased off. She's able to join windclan, and that's good enough for her, even if she wished things had gone a bit differently.

Rainshadow and his mate take over the role of being Birchkit's parent figures, though birchkit is not very receptive to this. She felt like it was just done out of pity and felt guilty for needing what she felt like was their charity. And furthermore feels like her mother leaving was her fault somehow, like maybe if she were a better daughter pearnose would never have wanted to leave.

As birchpaw she gets apprenticed to rainshadow, and the forced proximity eventually gets her to warm up to him a lot more, but with most of her clanmates she keeps them at an arms length [at a tail's length? rofl]. She feels awkward and strange and thinks nobody actually likes her and is only nice because they find her pitiful. Generally just very aloof and distant even though she cares very very much about others and their perception of her. Hates being one-on-one with other cats and avoids opening up ever, despite other cats trying to help. she just wants to clock in to her cat 9 to 5 and go to bed and rinse and repeat. She has a strong drive and wants to give cats anything else to talk about when discussing her