CPU System

ever since then, the one who hosts the most has been a new alter who indirectly was being told not to think of the others, nor be involved in the system at all. whenever we front we share memories of recent events so it was confusing for the new one (likely a split) to suddenly going from having all that power the host had to not even being able to see into headspace. and they couldn’t hear anyone, other than this sudden overwhelming halting force when they try to think of the others or the system.

out of nowhere one of our usual fronters was triggered to front. it was Roy. he took a look around since he can see in headspace and saw something out of a horror story. but i will say that everyone has been locked away. a system friend suggested an alter is doing this to deal with stress.

since Roy discovered a little bit of what was happening we’ve finally had more than two second interactions with some of the others. in general it still seems everyone is being pushed away or forced to sleep. but myself (i don’t know who i am) and Blue (new) have fronted and so we think things may be opening up a bit now.

a fictive of Pelinal Whitestrake from The Elder Scrolls showed up and started causing a mess the day Roy returned. he was trying to “help” by hacking apart the horror scene, but we’re pretty sure the alters are in there and we didn’t want them to get hurt. not that we know if they can be hurt, but it was too violent and we didn’t know what would happen. an alter we weren’t sure was real in the past, Sir Knight, came in and fought Pelinal to keep him at bay. it seems Pelinal is stronger than him but he was dissuaded enough by Sir Knight that he halted his rampage. Pelinal even attacked Roy and it was a bad time. but we’re glad to know Sir Knight is real because he is very kind and eager to help people in need.

the next day we tried to find boundaries with Pelinal but he seems disgusted at our inaction and seems to have wandered away for now. hopefully he is not causing problems where i cannot see. i also cannot see into headspace, and get that powerful influence of being halted from doing so. Roy felt it also that day but he pushed passed it. i’m glad he did so we have a small idea of what’s going on now.

anyways we’ve mostly accepted that changes are happening and that we just have to wait and see what happens. it seems whoever the alter is that locked everyone away is extremely stressed and needs as much of a break as possible. i feel that eventually we can come to some sort of balance. we don’t know how, so that is why we are waiting to see if anything changes. such as the person in front being able to see into headspace. 

i’m ashamed to admit it but Mask mostly takes on the form of someone i’m in love with. i’ve never told anyone because i didn’t want to make anyone feel weird. 

i don’t want to be afraid of him, though. i just want to accept it and move on.