Sassypants

No, I didn’t go in hiding for over 2 years. No, I didn’t die (obviously not if I’m writing this post, dumbass) No, I didn’t eat myself into a pizza coma. I was just ‘busy.’ Like super busy watching Netflix and avoiding social gatherings. Now you might be thinking to yourself, how could neglect us for over 2 years??? How can you watch Netflix for 2 years straight? Well it’s easy. So take out a pen and listen up because here is some life advice that your parents, grandparents, older siblings, or even that overly friendly person with a distinct smell that takes full advantage of city transport failed to mention to you.

1. Be able to name a classic novelist and at least 2 books that they have written. Better if you’re able to name the lesser known books, this makes it looks like you didn’t just wikipedia a famous novelist. 

2. Be able to quote an independent film that requires explanation but even then, nobody will have any clue what you are talking about 

3. “Be the star of your own show. Even if there is no audience.” This is actually legit advice and I know this because this is a direct quote from Jeanette Walls’ novel The Silver Star  (see advice #1)

4. Stop running if you hate running. 

5. Say what you mean and mean what you say. (Okay, okay, my mom told me this one) 

6. Follow a sports team. It’s fun. 

7. You don’t have to ‘carbo load’ nearly as much as you think 

8. Know how Jeopardy works. Bonus points if you can clear a category all by yourself. ***Note*** Kid’s tournament counts but fail to mention that when you brag to your friends 

9. Netflix can teach you anything that society hasn’t already

#1 - 01/02/2013 Why do we create an unrealistic lists of goals to accomplish in the New Year? These lists are comprised of tall order tasks such as, lose weight or be a better person that never seem to get accomplished and usually end up as the following years resolution. It’s not that I don’t have a resolution for this new year, because I do (to floss my pearly whites) but I guess I don’t understand the saying “a new year, a new you.” Why should you change who you are? So rather than setting my sights out on changing the world this year, here is my “to don’t list of 2013”