Work: I’m 6 years into being a vet. Time has really flown by. When I first graduated the imposter syndrome hit hard. Every single appointment would cause major stress and anxiety. I was let go from my first job because I required a lot of hand holding, and they couldn’t mentor me well enough. It didn’t help that I studied large animals in school and went into small animal practice. It was a huge shake in my confidence. A colleague once told me that it takes about 4 years in this field to feel like you know what you’re doing, and boy was she right. I am so glad that I am through the first 4 years. Sure I have cases that confuse me, and dental extractions are definitely not my strong suit, but I genuinely feel like I’m a great doctor and am confident on the job. I used to look at my schedule the night before and stress about each thing on it before I came into work, and now I just roll in and deal with whatever the day throws at me. A lot of people are really unhappy in this field, but I honestly have no regrets about choosing veterinary medicine. Some days are hard, some clients suck, and the corporate greed in this field really bothers me, but day-to-day it truly is such a rewarding and fulfilling career, and I’m happy.
Love: I got married a year ago. It was a beautiful day, and a lot of my friends and family say it was the best wedding they’ve ever been to. I worked hard (against many of my mom’s wishes) to make it exactly how I wanted, and it was perfect. I just wish it lasted longer. I could’ve danced to that live band all night and was on cloud 9 with so many of my favorite people all in one place. We’ve been together for almost 8 years. We bought a house and live with our dog, cat, guinea pig (we lost a couple piggies this year sadly, and my heart dog Maggie died 2/29/2020, which I’m still not over but glad the anniversary of her death only comes every 4 years) and some outdoor cats we/I care for. My husband is amazing. He’s funny and smart and sweet, emotionally mature, loving and really just so freaking good to me. Sometimes I find it hard to connect emotionally, though. It’s hard to make time for intimacy with my work schedule being nutty and him being in medical school. We fall into the monotony of chores, tv, sleep, boring life and domestic stuff. I’ve been spending a lot time with friends, going on random adventures, talking about everything under the sun, traveling, playing games, going out. Honestly, recently I’ve been enjoying spending time with certain friends more than I enjoy spending time with him. It’s more fun and more exciting, we’ve been getting close and it feels great, but that makes me feel guilty. Fortunately, my husband is easy to talk to, and he’s been super understanding and patient and tries to make me feel less guilty about all this. Is this just what 8 years of monogamy looks like? Is this why people cheat? I’m having a hard time balancing all I want out of life. We want kids, and are actively trying, but while the idea of parenting a child or two with my husband sounds so amazing, exciting and rewarding, my anxiety is through the roof wondering how the heck am I going to add another thing into my life to balance and care for, and I’m grieving all the things I might have to give up. I hope that I can still continue to do all the things I like to do and see all the people I love and care about and continue to travel after I have a baby. He reassures me that I can, but I’m not so confident. I’m not superwoman (I’m just a girl). Am I ready? Does this anxiety mean I’m not ready? Is this normal? Will I ever be ready? I don’t want to not have a kid. Hopefully pregnancy hormones help and maternity leave policy is good.
Friends: I have the best friends in the world. I am so freaking lucky. Everyone’s kinda scattered around the map, some local, some far, but I’ve been traveling a lot to see them and spending late nights talking to them. I felt lonely and angry for a very long time, and sometimes I still feel a bit isolated in my thoughts, but right now I feel like I have so much love in my life and I truly am so happy and grateful for each and every person who helps make my life awesome. Being in my early 30s is really cool because I have an income to be able to do so many things, and I still have the energy to do it, and I feel like I can connect to people both younger and older.
Travel: I have the travel itch so badly. I want to go everywhere and explore everything. Above are some photos from trips over the past year- our honeymoon in Hawaii, a trip to San Francisco for a friend’s bachelorette party, a trip to Kentucky and Indiana to drink whiskey and see the solar eclipse, an incredible trip to Argentina with friends, a quick jaunt around Ireland with another friend, our anniversary trip to Maine, and a group trip to Shenandoah with my husband and friends. There’s so many places on my travel bucket list right now! I can’t wait for my next adventure!!
That’s it for now— until next time! :)
tangentwithtanner
germansingergirl
janainaart
snowghoul
2087
